Humour in dieting...

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MrsDaffy

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 43

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Posted: 01 Aug 2010, 06:17
I dont really record in my journal, So I think I'll just post some once a day dose of humour that may lift some spirts.. enjoy.. Very Happy

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber
bitteninmd

Joined: May 10
Posts: 31

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Posted: 01 Aug 2010, 07:18
LOL, This week I started buying the dessert cakes my boyfriend likes again. Finally feel strong enough to ignore them in the pantry. So this was fitting.
My soul is dark with stormy riot, Directly traceable to diet. – Samuel Hoffenstein
MrsDaffy

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 43

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Posted: 01 Aug 2010, 07:58
LOL... Well done.. Very Happy
MrsDaffy

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 43

      quote  
Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 02:53
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. ~Author Unknown
confusedange...

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 579

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Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 11:30
Heh. They're funny because they're SO true. Especially that last one. Wink.

My rather lame addition..

"There's a reason diet starts with the word die"

I don't know if that's funny or not, but I saw it on a bumper sticker, so it MUST be true. =)
candyann

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 259

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Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 12:11
MrsDaffy,what a wonderful idea! Humor is always appreciated!! Love all of the above!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He must increase, but I must decrease. John3:30


“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of Gold, but so does a hard boiled egg.

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

Kandye
MrsDaffy

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 43

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Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 16:25
Brilliant guys keep them coming... LOL
haley4tn

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 11

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Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 16:31
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
"I want the outside me to match the inside me."
TheBake

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 161

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Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 16:38
I think this is the first time I actually chuckled today! Thanks, guys!!! Smile
garbage in = garbage out
food is for fuel... not fun
candyann

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 259

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Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 22:07

Wink Wink
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He must increase, but I must decrease. John3:30


“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of Gold, but so does a hard boiled egg.

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

Kandye
Jhall8262

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 7

      quote  
Posted: 02 Aug 2010, 22:12
Thank, I needed that!
MrsDaffy

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 43

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 12:57
I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown
ckhosick

Joined: May 10
Posts: 62

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 13:09
confusedangel wrote:

"There's a reason diet starts with the word die"

I don't know if that's funny or not, but I saw it on a bumper sticker, so it MUST be true. =)


My favorite yet!!!
"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." - Charlie Brown
candyann

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 259

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 13:39
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He must increase, but I must decrease. John3:30


“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of Gold, but so does a hard boiled egg.

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

Kandye
GilmoreGirl

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 401

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 15:34
Christmas Cookie Rules

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free also.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calies to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no claories since the claories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate., We all know how calories like to CLING.

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It is a rule!

So go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we only get them this time of year!!
mini goals:
170 - 50 pounds gone! (reached October 2, 2010)
155 - no longer overweight! (reached January 22, 2011)
145 - 75 Pounds gone! (reached May 14, 2011)
135 - ultimate goal weight!

Follow my journey towards the kind life:
http://www.kindlifeofleah.blogspot.com/

GilmoreGirl

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 401

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 15:38
"You'll lose weight on any strict diet, but most of it is water weight... from crying."
mini goals:
170 - 50 pounds gone! (reached October 2, 2010)
155 - no longer overweight! (reached January 22, 2011)
145 - 75 Pounds gone! (reached May 14, 2011)
135 - ultimate goal weight!

Follow my journey towards the kind life:
http://www.kindlifeofleah.blogspot.com/

candyann

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 259

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 17:51
I want Christmas cookies!! LOL !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He must increase, but I must decrease. John3:30


“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of Gold, but so does a hard boiled egg.

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

Kandye
Tinkers

Joined: May 10
Posts: 25

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 19:13
A DIET PRAYER - author unknown

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated.

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney.

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won.

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
and of pasta a la Milanese...
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen
DON'T WAIL ON THE SCALE IF YOU CHEAT WHEN YOU EAT.
klbbrewer

Joined: Aug 09
Posts: 17

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 21:13
OMG!!! Love this!!!
220/185/125

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels Smile
candyann

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 259

      quote  
Posted: 03 Aug 2010, 21:13
LOL!! Love the poem!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He must increase, but I must decrease. John3:30


“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of Gold, but so does a hard boiled egg.

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

Kandye



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