I`m desperate. What should I do?

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Joined: Jun 08
Posts: 17

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 08:37
My boyfriend told me either I lose weight or I lose him and I think he means it. I am 4, 60 ft and 180 lb and I always thought I was cute because I was soft and... But my boyfriend told me that I should do something because I put on weight fast. I never started a diet or a weight loss program. What should I do?

Joined: Aug 08
Posts: 11

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 08:42
Dump your boyfriend.

Joined: Nov 06
Posts: 57

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 08:50
That seems a little harsh. I'm outraged that someone who is supposed to care about you would give you such an ultimatum. It just doesnt't feel right to me.

I would seriously do some soul searching, I read your other post about losing your husband. I'm sorry for your loss. Could it be that this boyfriend is just a rebound relationship? Are you truley happy with a man who would make you feel so bad about yourself?

I know a woman's heart will make her do whatever it wants, regardless of what others say, but you have to ask yourself, is this relationship healthy for you?

Also, if you are going to lose weight, you have to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. I lost weight weight for a guy, then once I realized he was got good for me emotionally, I broke it off and gained all the weight back.

If YOU have decided that losing weight is what YOU want, then I'd say to dump the creep, and concentrate on you. Imagine the look on his face when you run into him, lighter, happier, and healthier and say, "Oh, too bad you thought I was too fat! Look at me now loser!"
SW 267
CW 221.3
GW 160

265 04-02-09
225. 02-01-13
260 04-03-09
240 06-11-11
230 06-17-11
225 ??

Total Pounds Lost: 38

Couch to 5k:
Week 1 Day 1: Complete
Week 1 Day 2: Pending

Joined: Sep 08
Posts: 2

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 14:46
Dump the jerk!!

Divided By...

Joined: Aug 08
Posts: 817

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 14:53
deboramcna wrote:
My boyfriend told me either I lose weight or I lose him

Then lose him. Problem solved.

If you want to lose weight, do it for you, not an overbearing boyfriend.

"You are now watchin' the throne. Don't let me into my zone. Don't let me into my zone.
I'm definitely in my zone."

Joined: Sep 08
Posts: 7

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 18:29
dumb his sorry......you get the rest.

Joined: Aug 08
Posts: 70

Posted: 05 Sep 2008, 18:45
Think of how much excess weight you'd lose if you dumped him.
He should just love you for who you are, not what he thinks you should be.
To insure good health: Eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life

Joined: Jul 08
Posts: 71

Posted: 06 Sep 2008, 00:57
I so agree with everyone above. Make a deal with him--I'm sure he has a bad habit or too, we all do. Tell him to lose his habit, and then you'll talk about weight loss. Otherwise get rid of him...there are men out there who will love you as you are, I am living proof of that. Nice men, with kind hearts, who are, quite frankly, hot. They really do exist--hold out for one of those!

Joined: Mar 08
Posts: 133

Posted: 06 Sep 2008, 01:11
I am surprised that you even asked this question because the answer is so obviously what everyone else is saying. This leads me to believe that you have so personal issues you need to deal with, greater than a lousy boyfriend.

I would suggest you try to work on your self esteem and confidence because you are obviously lacking in both.

You lost your husband and you are still surviving. If you lose the boyfriend, sure it will be hard but then you will get on with your life. I always say that the harder decision is usually the right one and the harder to action.

You need to find confidence in yourself to be able to make decisions based on what is right in the long run, not just short term happiness. You know that this boyfriend will not make you happy in the long run and probably is just hanging around until the next best thing. Learn to be strong and do what is the best for you, not others.

Good luck..and be strong!!

Joined: May 08
Posts: 7

Posted: 06 Sep 2008, 10:50
If he cared for you, he would never have given you an ultimatum. Shame on him. You deserve a better love.

Joined: May 08
Posts: 4

Posted: 06 Sep 2008, 10:59
i can't find the words to better what 'caged...' said, but i just wanted ot add that - although the truth hurts - i may be better for you in the long run i you work on how you are feeling, rather than how he is feeling.
it sounds trite, but its true - you are the only one that can make you happy. start doing that by working out what you want.
i can recommend finding a good doctor - and please do hunt around until you find someone that is good, and that you can talk to. it helped me.
also, an assertiveness class might help too.

i hope this doesn't sound too scary.

Joined: Mar 07
Posts: 74

Posted: 06 Sep 2008, 16:19
If he really... really loved you, I mean REALLY loved you. He would NEVER need to say that. If he isn't satisfied or accepting of how you look now, then why would he be if you lost say...30 pounds? sounds like he wants to be in CONTROL and that is not the kind of relationship that is healthy. You need to move on. Then if you want to loose weight for you... then do it. but not for him. Be happy in who YOU are. We can never truly love another if we don't love ourselves first.

Joined: Aug 08
Posts: 8

Posted: 08 Sep 2008, 08:20
Boyfriends are like dessert. Enjoy him all you want but don't depend on him for your nourishment.

Joined: Sep 08
Posts: 1

Posted: 09 Sep 2008, 11:50
Lose the boyfriend. There's a couple 100lbs right there. If he is that superficial you don't need him.

Like who you are for you!

Joined: Sep 08
Posts: 9

Posted: 10 Sep 2008, 14:56
If he truly loved you, he would love you for you. It is obvious that this is not the case. Why subject yourself to this sort of criticism. And maybe it would be easier to lose weight without a threat hanging over you. Do it for you, not for somew random guy who really is just looking for a reason to dump you. Dump him and find someone who will be supportive of you for who and what you are.

Joined: Jul 08
Posts: 20

Posted: 10 Sep 2008, 18:58
dump him! You deserve better. Lose weight because you want to be healthy, don't do it for him.
Patsy Ann

Joined: May 08
Posts: 56

Posted: 11 Sep 2008, 05:12
An ultimatum like that is the sign of an abuser. Believe me, it won't stop there. If you keep putting up with it you will lose all self confidence and become dependent on him. His need to control you is not healthy. I know that's hard to see right now and the idea of being alone might be frightening.

I hope you do manage to make a decision based on your own feelings. Write your feelings about this down. Learn from this experience.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Joined: Aug 08
Posts: 13

Posted: 11 Sep 2008, 07:27
Oh sweetie...my heart aches for you. First, I want to be careful to give you too much advice, knowing so little about you. How old are you? How long have you been in this relationship? Is this the first time he has made a self-change demand on you? Do you have any health issues? What was the exact context of your conversation?
I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that his reason for being so extreme is out of concern for you and not merely because of how you look. If, however it is the latter, I think you already know the answer and are maybe just trying to convince yourself. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Just take it a day at a time, and moment by moment. Know that you have friends here that know your struggles and really want to help YOU!
I hope everything works out for you...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Baby Girrl

Joined: Jan 08
Posts: 11

Posted: 11 Sep 2008, 10:53
1 dump the guy
2 find another who loves you for who u r
3 lose weight for your health

That is what I would do. You don't need a man that does love you for who you are. Or maybe he is worried about you health. Sit down and have a talk with him about the problem. My husband would love for me to lose the weight. He has said for my health and wants me to be arould longer. That why I am trying. Your boyfriend may feel the same way. GOOD LUCK.

Joined: Sep 07
Posts: 1,688

Posted: 11 Sep 2008, 18:10
Baby Girrl wrote:
1 dump the guy
2 find another who loves you for who u r
3 lose weight for your health

I agree. Find someone who loves you for you. If you lose weight do it for yourself not for anybody else.

Love the food that loves you back.

Take it one day at a time!

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