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Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 82

Posted: 08 May 2011, 01:56
I'm undecided. Here's the question. If your brother told you that you are no longer his family and has not spoken to you in over 2 years. Would you go to his wedding? Coming up in one month I'm torn between what I should do and what I want.
My world is filled with divine abundance and unlimited potential.

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 9

Posted: 08 May 2011, 03:56
What about the other family members? Maybe the joy of the event might make things look differently? Hope you find a solution.

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 179

Posted: 08 May 2011, 07:17
BHA wrote:
Please make up with your brother. Life is too short for you to be angry
or hurt. Don't do what some of my family members have done. Don't wait
until its tooo late the resolve your differences. Love each other as if
there is no tomorrow. Just saying.......

I'm with BHA on this one, however only YOU can decide if you can forgive and forget. Did he say that to you based on something you did or said? If so, an appology might be in order. I hope you're able to work it out. I believe that family is very important.
First goal: 299 lbs - completed 11/8/14
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Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 35

Posted: 08 May 2011, 07:56
Think about it this way... You got an invite. It's probably more than you've received in the past 2 years. I'd take it as he's reaching out to make amends. Go to the wedding.

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 288

Posted: 08 May 2011, 08:08
Holding on to old hurts willcome back andbite you in the end. I had a friend get mad at me years ago and I should have apologized but I showed her I could be just as bit**y. She died in a car wreck and I never got to tell her I was sorry. I wouldn't have regretted making up with her but I sure do regret it now that I was so stubborn.
** Goal 1- 20 pounds ****12/29/2016
** Goal 2- get back down to wearing size 16 jeans
** Goal 3- normal blood pressure *****off meds on 12/31/2016
** Goal 4- well below "One" Derland***3/1/17
** Goal 5- the next 20 pounds down****3/5/17
** Goal 6- 60 pounds down



Joined: Aug 10
Posts: 184

Posted: 08 May 2011, 09:40
I am going to go against the consensus here.

True, as BHA said, "life is too short" but I am going to stop the quote right there. IMO, life is too short to be consumed by certain people, regardless of whether or not you happened to originate from the same womb. For me, some people are no longer in my life, and I am just fine with it. I go along merrily without them, and could care less if I ever see them again.

Ultimately, this is one you will have to decide on your own, obviously, but if your life is just fine as is, and if you feel like going will open old wounds and cause added stress in your life, skip it and don't think about it again. However, IF you feel that you want to attempt to mend the relationship and have a feeling that it would be something positive in your life, then go.

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 67

Posted: 08 May 2011, 14:11
Life is way too short! If you are invited to the wedding, I would try to speak with him before the wedding that yes you should attend. This will help with anything odd or bad happening on his big day. Only you guys know what happened in your life to make you two stop speaking, but I would try to make up with him. Nothing can replace family...

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 40

Posted: 08 May 2011, 16:19
Take the high road. You were invited? Purchase a very thoughtful gift, get dolled up and go. If a heart-to-heart is to happen you have to do your part. Sound's like he is doing his!

Let by-gones be by-gones. No one can do that for you.
My favorite quote of all time. "The pain will always be there. The suffering is up to you." -Tony Horton

Joined: May 11
Posts: 47

Posted: 08 May 2011, 16:32
Ah, weddings and funerals. Always big questions. Still, have you not matured a bit in the past two years? Perhaps he has as well. (I certainly hope so if he's about to get married!) As Dr. Laura would say, if he isn't a child molester or dangerous, then for heaven's sake, go. If it doesn't work out, you've learned something valuable. If it does work out, you and your whole family can put these past two years behind you and maybe even have a good laugh about it in the future.

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 496

Posted: 08 May 2011, 16:41
I'd go just for the free food and

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 82

Posted: 09 May 2011, 02:08
It's difficult to make a judgment when you don't know all the pieces. He's choosing not to be involved. No anger or bitterness here. Just questions to why. No one knows. We still reach out to him with cards, messages, calls and invites to holidays, birthdays and more. We get no response. My parents are the only ones going. None of my other siblings are and they are terrified to find out what the day brings. Because of my brother's violent past. I would go just to support my parents in case they needed it. Frankly I'm scared too. Don't want someone attacking me verbally or physically.
My world is filled with divine abundance and unlimited potential.

Joined: May 11
Posts: 8

Posted: 09 May 2011, 09:52
I had a toxic relationship with my family, and chose not to pursue a relationship with them. They had my phone number. They did not get in touch with me for 20 years. When my nephew invited me to his wedding, I went. But I am past the hard feelings, so it wasn't a problem for me. It was like going to the wedding of a friends son. If attending will just add to the grief, or will make you feel like you have to justify yourself (which never works), then don't go. If you want to have a relationship with your brother and his family, go with low expectations. It is all about your nephew, not you nor your brother. Good luck.

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 82

Posted: 12 May 2011, 01:34
For those that want to know. I arranged to speak with my brother and his fiance tonight. I sent them both a text and she responded. I called her number she answered and he was there. I was very surprised they would respond. However nothing came of it. He still says I am not family and does not care if only our parents attend the wedding. It's just one day no big deal. She said we sent you an invite. We're not telling you not to come. I don't want to waste my time with this junk anymore.
My world is filled with divine abundance and unlimited potential.

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 200

Posted: 12 May 2011, 05:51
Wow. What comeplete and utter asshats. Sounds like they invited you to make themselves feel smug and virtuous, but didn't have the class to follow it through with sincerity. You were the better person, love. Be proud of yourself, and feel sorry for them, that they dont have the heart to let bygones be bygones. If they have that little forgiveness and generosity, I don't see their marriage lasting too long.
I've never met a cheese I didn't like.

Joined: May 10
Posts: 1,400

Posted: 12 May 2011, 07:00
shellysue55 wrote:
I don't want to waste my time with this junk anymore.

I don't blame you. Though you were invited, it is obviously not important to them for you to be there so they have some weird, twisted reason for inviting you. It was nice of you to consider going, but you're probably better off not. Keep living your life.
Kat | NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS | Next milestone - 256: 60 lbs lost
2013: still up from 1/1, but coming back down...
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Joined: Apr 09
Posts: 231

Posted: 12 May 2011, 08:12
I married a guy like your brother, and we invited his family - only his mother came. I should have realized that my husband (now ex) was the one who was the cause of most of the problem!
Every day is a new day.

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