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rwaller7483's Journal

 
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02 February 2018

Feeling good, hope it lasts a bit longer than it usually does. I'm doing 45-50 minutes cycling a day which really should be enough to help just about anyone lose weight, never mind someone with as much to lose as I have. But it's happening. I've been doing that cycling for a couple of years anyway, but unfortunately found it too easy to more than replace the burned calories with pizza and beer. I've had three beers so far this year, no pizza, one portion of chips. Rather than say Kettle Chips or whatever, I've been having baked, whoelgrain, lentil curls and popcorn instead. Oh and Mini Cheddars, at least they are mini... They've been my treats this year. Good job I like them. If you told me five years ago I'd be willfully drinking a spinach, avocado and banana smoothie I'd have laughed in your face.

I really don't know why I've had so much junk food in the past. This time even only a couple of months ago, if I had a midweek day off I'd be going home the night before looking forward to tomorrow's binge. I'd go to the chip shop and get a large chips, large peas and a scallop. That'd be on the way back from the supermarket where I'd generally buy a 150g bag of Kettle Chips, a couple of two litre bottles of coke (sometimes sugary if I was feeling particularly glutonous), and either a bag of Babybels or a Cheese Strings and maybe some chocolate if I felt like it. The food would be gone in about an hour, the drink throughout the day. Even if I went for a sugar free drink, in just an hour I'd be having probably two days calories. If the drink wasn't sugar free I'd be looking at three or four days worth of calories. I've done that more times than I care to remember and I don't know why. For as long as I can remember I've had impulsive and reckless tendencies and they've never made any sense to me anyway. I'm convinced it's just been another form of self-sabotage.

I've always had a fear of failure. It's cost me my education, it's cost me relationships in the past, it's been costing me my health for years and stifling my development in so many ways. For most of my life I've had it firmly implanted in my brain that I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that, don't get ideas above my station. Who knows what I could've achieved if I actually applied myself without fear of not being good enough. This is the hardest bit, convincing myself that I'm not a terrible person and to take care of myself and feel good is the least I deserve - it's the least anyone deserves.

29 January 2018

Weigh-in: 282.0 lb lost so far: 18.0 lb still to go: 62.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) losing 3.0 lb a week

22 January 2018

22 January 2018

Reluctant to go along with the "new year new me stuff", this is just a coincidence... I've kind of kicked myself into action for a few reasons. I got weighed new year's day and I've just done that weigh in now, and got weighed again this morning.

It's strange what motivates and doesn't motivate people sometimes, and when it does or doesn't. What motivates me today might not tomorrow. In the past as far as my weight goes and in aspects of my life beyond that, I have lost interest and become disheartened far too easily. Said it more times than I care to remember, knowing what to do and what not to do is easy enough, the willpower is the battle.

About 8 years ago when I was at my heaviest, I used to have quite bad acid reflux, I was being sick quite a lot and it was purely down to diet. I started getting that again in the middle of December and touch wood, since then I haven't felt like it at all. Consumption is my biggest problem, I'm sure I must be doing enough cyclying for just about anyone of my shape and size to lose weight, or at the very least maintain, so long as they're not overdoing it with the crap. And I have been doing that for too long. January's finances don't let me do that, so that helps. I haven't had any alcohol since about 3am on 1st January. I'm not officially doing Dry January but that'd count if I was, it's not January till you wake up... I've reined in the junk so far this year, and I know we're only three weeks in but I've lost a stone which I'm really happy about. Would like to make it 20lb by the end of the month, but we'll see.

I've done Dry January before and had a drink waiting for me at the stroke of midnight at the end of January. Silly really. Right now, I don't feel the same urgency to drink again. Course I like a drink, and I feel like from now on I want it to be a treat. Not just oh it's Monday. Mae West said "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" and I don't really agree with that... well, not as far as anything diet related goes. For me at least, when something becomes a habit, the pleasure wanes.

I read this article a few weeks ago too http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-42542818. Now for years I've been drinking Pepsi Max and whatever else there is in the "diet" ranges, regularly 2 litres a day, sometimes 4. I always figured that since there's no sugar in it there's no harm in it. I'd never even heard of ghrelin till reading this and I haven't had a carbonated drink since then. Course it's not going to fix everything, and if I looked for a study to debunk this I could probably find one. I feel like it is helping though. I don't know why I drank so much of the stuff, just force of habit I suppose. Been drinking a lot more water and cordial and homemade smoothies. Spinach, avocado and banana with coconut milk and a little drizzle of honey and vanilla extract. There was a time not that long ago that I wouldn't have touched that with a 40ft pole, and while I'm not totally enamoured with it, I am finding it quite refreshing. Wouldn't have occured to me to go for that combination, but I found a recipe online and had all the stuff in so thought why not.. So my fruit intake is pretty much at an all time high right now.

My wife bought this for her kindle the other week too https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tiny-Budget-Cooking-Saving-Tasted-ebook/dp/B01MSAFWZX and we've done some great little things out of it so far. Neither of us are particularly whizzes in the kitchen but we've got the skills for these, and if we have nearly anyone has.

Happy Belated New Year, by the way.
Weigh-in: 285.0 lb lost so far: 15.0 lb still to go: 65.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (2 comments) losing 4.7 lb a week

01 January 2018

Weigh-in: 299.0 lb lost so far: 1.0 lb still to go: 79.0 lb Diet followed poorly
   add comment gaining 0.6 lb a week

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