comebackkid's Journal

I KNEW IT!!

I didn't want to weight myself. I could feel the extra pounds on my body and knew JUST knew that my accident wasn't helping. But I also knew that I had to face the situation because how can I deal with something if i don't know whats wrong. Also, I haven't weighted myself since I've been back to FS. It just had to be done.

Normally, I have to work extra hard because of the blood pressure medication. Because it slows the ol'ticker down. Also, the diabetes doesn't allow for me to break down sugar the way I should and whatever is left over turns in fat. GAWD!

I actually read something today in someones journal and can't remember who's it was now... but it gave me inspiration and the entry basically said that they were going to concentrate on tracking their points (you bite it you write it) and making good/healthy choices about meals.

And I thought... that's what it comes down to, I NEED to JUST concentrate on the basics. So, I can't get to aerobics class right now, and maybe i might not be able to make that biking trip with my brother, but if I stay true to counting my points then I am that much more ahead of the game than not doing anything and letting it get ahead of me.

*mental note* concentrate on tracking points

I'm frustrated and tired.

Falling down the stairs take a lot out of a person.

Getting better takes even more and I'm done with giving anything more to this, I just want to be better!!!

I'm still in pain. Although my hip has been dislodge from my rib cage, having the bones all discombobulated for so long has now left them sore and painful. To the point where I am having problems sleeping because I am having problems laying down properly and I swear NOT sleeping is making me want to eat everything in sight/think I want to eat everything in sight/dream about eating everything in sight/occasionally throw something in my mouth with disregard for how many points it might be.

The horrible thing for me is that I have plans to go on a biking vacation with my brother in a week and I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it and I've been looking forward to this vacation for five months now.

Normally, my brother and I spend the summer biking around our city (understand 6-8 hours a day on the bike) but he's finishing off his MA and can't come home for the summer. So, without him for the summer I have done minimal amounts of biking (understand to and from work) and ... and ... and ... I'm feeling like crap.

Seriously, I feel like crap.

My brother is my exercise buddy, I know that if I don't do any exercise for the entire year at least I have 5 months worth of serious biking under my belt and that I should not feel guilty.

But this year, I'm feeling as though I have nothing and to top it off for me I can't see myself doing anything for a while. The pain has been so bad that I have been crying. I just don't know how much more I will be able to take of this, and I can't see the lesson in this situation that will make me a better person and to be honest I really don't care what that lesson might be. I just WANT to be better NOW so I can go biking with my brother.

I'm feeling horrible.

On the way out the door as my chiropractor was saying that it wouldn't be long until my recovery I asked him "So, when can I get back to my aerobics classes?"
"By the end of the week, just take it easy, be careful and you'll be fine."
I can't begin to tell you how much my heart filled. Knowing that I could get back to doing some exercise.
So, today I go back to work, and by the end of the week I'll be back to aerobics and sweating some of this dust off that collected while I was laying around.
I'm feeling pumped to move forward.

Did you get the memo? I FEEL PUMPED TO MOVE FORWARD. :)

I rode my bike to the grocery store yesterday (it's about three blocks). I went slow and took my time. I was surprised that the act of biking didn't hurt my back at all, the biking position was actually quite comfortable. Who knew? I could have been getting in exercise this entire time. lol

I did it because I have to go back to work tomorrow and I'm NOT looking forward to it AT ALL.

I'm not one for placing the blame on who made me over weight because that was me ALL me. I do however have a "theory." If food is the smoking gun, and I am the lone gunman, work is the private-out-of-the-way back alley that made the shooting all possible.

Now, don't get me wrong I am THANKFUL that I have a job, that it pays well enough to put me through school, that my boss works around my school schedule, and that it just so happens that I am good at what I do, so the actual work is easy. It's the clients, head office, and the "type" of work which stresses me out. I work in the financial business, just to clarify. And everyday I have to make money, lots of money... money money money all the time...have to keep up with the markets, I have to move quickly so I can make more money. And by the time I come home I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. I have nothing left to give, to me, my hubby, my family or my friends.

But isn't this the way life is? Don't we all have things in our world that stress us out and make us think that there isn't enough time? You had to leave work and go to Billy's school and get him because he got in a fight, and it just so happens you had to miss that important meeting because of it, someone cut you off while you were driving one morning and it really set the tone for the rest of the day, your shoes gave you a blister and it just broke and now it hurts like a SOB, you have three essays due by the end of the week and you haven't even started doing research. The lists are endless... endless. And for me, some days they seem overwhelming.

Some days I feel like I don't have anytime to stick to the WW plan or organize that plan the way I like to, I'd LIKE to have little zip lock bags of carrots in my fridge, zip lock bags of snacks in my cupboard that have their points value on them. Some days, I WISH I could be the valedictorian of WW and working it into my life. Some days I want to be the Weight-Watchers-Martha-Stewart-version of me.

I remember once seeing Wynonna Judd on Oprah saying that she hadn't put her self on the list. That comment really hit home for me, cuz when I have to pee I don't write it down as something I am going to do later... I just go and do it. It's already on the list. It's at the TOP of the list.

Yesterday I decided that not only am I going to put myself on the list, I am going to become the list. WW is the first thing in my life, I am going to live, breath and be WW.

End of story.