comebackkid's Journal

Everything has gone to S***T over here at my house. As you guys know I lost my job, which was initially suppose to be a GOOD thing. And it still is, I needed to the break to just stand back and breath.

I was GOING to spend more time on ME by exercising more and planning my meals better but was happened instead is that I have been spending more time doing homework (for school), staying up late doing homework, waking up and doing homework (who knew I was so behind on my homework lol).

And I don't want to say that I haven't at least been TRYING to keep my eye on the ball because we have been having good healthy WW meals, low in points but those meals are combined by one or two days of crap.

I have also started smoking again and I don't know why.

Okay, I know why. I'm an emotional what-ever-eater-smoker.

Losing my job, coupled with losing my friends (it's sad but the people at work were all my friends in a way where you LOVE going to work because you work with great people and they were people who I saw ALL the time, therefore friends who I got to hang out with ALL the time), coupled with school (and apparently getting caught up on my homework lol), coupled with the change and not knowing what is going on. Is another company going to come in and buy the old company out? How long do I have on my mini vacation? When will I have to go back and change my life all over again?

I kind of feel like I can't "really" relax.

G A W D! All of that sounds so pitiful.

Because I KNOW, that getting back on the horse and riding all the way to skinny town is possible, and embracing change is really the only thing that you can do when things become so dynamic in your life. But you know... you know when you feel so out of control with your weight that it's nice, it's SO NICE to have something, one thing in your world that you can control and know what the out come will be?

I think I just answered my own problem. *le sigh*

The light just went off. :)

Thanks for listening guys. <3

I'm actually surprised by my SMALL gain.

I have to admit that when the weekend came I stopped going to the gym because there are no aerobics classes to attend on the weekend. Then when Monday came around, okay who am I kidding Sunday came around I started slowing doing hand to mouth violations. I tried to keep it in check by telling myself that I had a goal and that I had been doing so well with the classes that I wasn't going to ruin it by starting a junk food party.

Skinny tastes better than fat, or how ever that line goes. ;)

Anyway, when Monday came around I was feeling HORRIBLE about cheating so I decided to compound it by not going to the gym at all which compounded itself with me not going to the gym AT ALL this week. In case you didn't get the memo, I feel like crap.

And not just mentally, I physically feel like crap.

My hubby says to me this morning, "Are you going to try and make it to the gym today? I think you should really try and make it, I know you haven't been all week and you know that your body loves the gym and we love it when you go to the gym."

Even he can tell when I don't go to the gym.

Lesson number 1 :)

I'm really PUMPED about weighing myself next week, so I can see that I lost more weight. It's like Wednesday isn't coming quick enough. I think I'm turning into a weight loss nerd. It's like since I started incorporating the Gillain recipe cook book into my WW experience, something has clicked in my brain and things seem a bit easier. I don't feel like I am struggling anymore. It's probably all of the endorphins. I mean crack-happy body chemicals I'm pumping into my body via my aerobics classes. I love you Gillain. I love me.

I feel like I should weigh myself. I just KNOW that after that aerobics ball class I did today I MUST have dropped 20 pounds. I was sweating like a 5 dollar hooker in church.

And I was SO PROUD of myself. About 15 minutes into the class I wanted to give up and go home. Like why not, this class was way beyond my skill and every other girl was 62 pounds wet, wearing their skin tight, see through, arobi-sizing outfits. It was like a Jane Fonda aerobics video exploded.

But I didn't. I stayed. I stayed right till the end and then... I BIKED HOME.

And on the way home I thought about how great I am.

Example:
Biking to and from school everyday and sometimes twice a day.
Going to TWO aerobics classes.
Eating REALLY healthy and feeling REALLY good about that.
Creating and making REALLY healthy meals.
Being conscious of what I am eating.
Sucking in my stomach and it actually moving inward.
Being able to suck my stomach in, cuz those muscles actually work.
Being happy because I am fabulous.
Going full speed ahead for a week and not veering from my final goal.
Felling excited about being successful next week.
Looking forward to weight in day.

*Le sigh* I'm so awesome. :)

I'm pretty proud of myself this week. I biked to and from school everyday and a couple of times I did it twice (morning and evening classes). I attend an aerobics class and ate VERY well (understand low points) and yummy. I tried taking everyday one day at a time and although I didn't write anything down I focused on what I was eating and the proportions going into my mouth. I tried eating snacks through out the day... okay, who am I kidding I tried eating low points ALL day. I am also making more recipes from Dr. Gillian McKeith's cookbook (low in points),to up the healthy factor in our food plan at home here and I have been noticing some small changes in the way we are around here.
I have also made a BIG step and when I say BIG STEP it's SUPER huge for me.
I stopped eating after 7:30pm. Nothing in the mouth.
I'm sure it's working.
Take a look at the drop I made, and just in case you can't do the math quick enough - that's a 4.31 loss.
I think I might have pee'd myself, I'm SO PROUD OF MYSELF!