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Weight History
showing entries 16 to 20 of 50
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12 December 2007
There comes a moment when you actually realize that you are much LARGER than you had first thought. It could come when you bend over to tie your shoes, your breathing is laboured when you climb the stairs OR maybe just maybe you go out to buy some new clothes (because you are going back to work because you love money) and find out that you have to go up TWO sizes before you are able to properly fit into that shirt; so the rolls of flab don't show. And it doesn't look like a big girl in a tiny shirt cartoon.
Seriously, I had NO IDEA how big I have gotten.
Until last night, I "thought" I was doing okay. That it wasn't THAT bad. That I might have some wiggle room. APPARENTLY, it's NOT that way at all. It's official... I'm a big puggly wuggy. And for those of you who are going to say that it's not "THAT BAD" seriously, it is. Although I don't really think any of you will say that. :)
I'm moving my WW plan from def con 1 to def con 8. Or from 8 to 1... I can't remember how that goes but you guys get what I'm saying LOL
Today I am going to measure myself which I don't normally do when I am doing WW. I like to feel myself getting smaller, but I this time I am going measure and keep track. I am going to micromanage my WW plan like a sick child who needs their medication every 4 hours and who WON'T get better unless I am there to help them.
Today I am kicking it up a bunch of notches.
(4 comments)
04 December 2007
I talked with
"my man"
about waiting to have kids/get married in a few years (his betrayal - see previous post). I felt that I needed to talk about this topic head on and call him on it. Ask him what he really meant. What his intentions were and where he stood on the matter. I wanted real honest answers.
I deserved real answers
.
I felt like if I didn't address this situation that I would eat myself into oblivion. And the self sabotage would take over. What's up with my self destruction? Why am I unable to make healthy choices for myself? Why am I unable to make balanced decisions for a better life? Why do I need to medicate with food/smoking when things don't go my way/perceived way. I needed to start somewhere.
There was crying. I cried. He cried. I got out my feelings. I told him what I needed. I asked for his help. I said that there was a plan and that I wanted him to be with me on the plan. He agreed and said.... wait for it... wait for it... that he didn't remember saying those things and that he was planning to have kids after my graduation and get married. There it is. I felt a sigh of relief fall over me.
That was a week ago.
I have been thinking about what
I want
what my daily affirmation is going to be to myself. The words I am going to use to get myself motivated. How I am going to stick with a plan. And I think... I am going to remember Oprah's show she just did with the people who lost LOADS of weight and have kept it off. Maybe you've seen it? It was amazing on so many levels for me, it was inspiring. It made me feel like I could accomplish something for myself because I want it. That even when you feel like you are at the bottom you can rise to the top and accomplish everything you want. Visualizations. Positive words of encouragement. Reinforce my goals to myself everyday. Meditate on me for 10 mins everyday.
I have 1 smoke left in my pack. I have healthy food in the fridge. I have selected some low point meals out of some cook books.
Going forward:
1. I am going to meditate on me and my goals of weight loss for 10 mins every day before i do anything.
2. I am going to make a new meal every day for a month (keep things fresh)
3. I am giving up smoking tomorrow.
4. I am going to drink more cold water (cuz it's yummy)
5. I am going to be conscious of doing 30 minutes of exercise everyday.
6. I am going to give myself positive affirmations everyday.
7. I am going to rest more.
8. I am going to concentrate on mindful breathing.
9. I am going to refashion my clothes that I already have into items that make me feel good.
10.I am going to do something good and healthy for myself everyday to keep my momentum going.
(5 comments)
25 November 2007
When I first started fatsecret oh so long ago now I did it under the premise that I was getting healthy so I could eventually have a baby after I was done school/university
and not die
and get off my medication for high blood pressure, so I
wouldn't die
, and get rid of my diabetes, so I
wouldn't die
- yah, so get healthy. lol
Well I am basically 6 months away from graduation and I am still at the same weight I started at... and guess what? Sometime in October
"my man"
made mention of us NOT getting married and not having babies right away after I was done school (like we had agreed upon) we would wait a little bit and then "talk" about having babies/marriage in a couple of years.
I felt betrayed and tricked. The following day I started smoking - AGAIN and said SCREW MY DIET!~. Lets emotional eat and smoke till we throw up!! It will be like a party!! (insert sarcasm)
Like what have I been working toward? Why have I been busting my butt at school? Why have I been making sacrifices and putting
myself/emotions/wants
aside so I could get this school done? Why am I rushing? I thought he and I were working toward something? I thought we had agreed upon this, that we had a goal? Apparently not.
And now, here I am writing this entry and feeling like I want to cry. Knowing that I am finally getting honest with myself. Feeling like I WANT to do something REAL for my self, cuz when my man tells me that he REALLY doesn't want to have kids/marriage (because of the recent betrayal I feel that it is eventually inevitable) I want to be ready and healthy for the man who does, so we can start right away and not waste any time.
I am feeling like I want to get healthy because
I
am great, I am worth it, I am all
that
and bag of low point carrots. And when I go to Europe to visit my brother (after graduation) sometime in August 2008 and I happen to find a nice European man (preferably from Paris OR Rome) and he wants to hump me. I would LOVE to be healthy and skinny for the moment I take off my clothes.
Can you tell I am pissed off?
(3 comments)
24 November 2007
I JUST realized that there's a place on here to put down the exercise that I do on a daily basis and it will figure out how many calories I have burned and compare it to my sleeping or something like that he he, this is GREAT!
Me and the man are walking to our breakfast ritual tomorrow morning. I'm going to write THAT down, I am also going back to the gym on Monday (when aerobic classes resume) I am also going to focus on WW starting next week (and not because it's monday he ha he). My Mom had purchased the new points trackers and gave one to me and it's cute and tiny and NEW! Yay for stationary, g a w d I love stationary.
I am also going to stop smoking after I finish the pack that I have now, I came to a realization the other night while my heart was palpitating a million miles an hour after my bike ride home from the corner store to buy CHIPS!! lol
I apparently have a goal... and apparently have forgotten what that goal is and why I set it. I'm just going back to basics. Start at the beginning. :)
(1 comment)
23 November 2007
So, last night I found myself on my bike, going to the corner store, with a cigarette in my mouth thinking about the chips I was about to buy for me and my hubby. If that doesn't scream ADDICT, I don't know what does. I need help.
(2 comments)
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