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Weight History
showing entries 16 to 20 of 475
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16 July 2015
I'm in a bad place mentally. Stressed out. Hurting. Lonely. Apathetic. Currently I am not eating my feelings, but I feel burnt out. This has been and continues to prove one of the most difficult seasons of my life. All I want to do is chain watch a tv series on Netflix and keep hoping for the next month to speed by so I don't have to deal with the stupid escapist ideas that pop into my head, seeking for a way to cope with the emptiness that is gnawing at me. :(
(9 comments)
13 July 2015
Food tracking: Day 2 again. We'll see if I can make tomorrow Day 3. One day at a time. It's too overwhelming to do anything else.
(3 comments)
11 July 2015
While it is said that old habits die hard, it appears equally true that new habits die easily. I lost my momentum and haven't tracked in about a week now. I keep telling myself that I'll start tomorrow, and then in the morning I think I have it set, but I get careless and call it a wash (because I didn't even try to eyeball or measure foods in order to guesstimate my current calorie budget). I rationalize that I am going through an emotionally draining and trying time, so not focusing on tracking is ok, even expected. I am complacent and lack drive to change- even though there is much that needs to change. It is so much easier to lull myself into apathy and defeat out of fear of failure and inadequacy. I don't know if I can really change for the better, but the worse part is my resignation to that claim. It's times like this where I wish my faith were what it ought to be so that I could find the strength to persevere through these doldrums. I know that my feelings are real only in the fact that they are valid. I long for G-d to grow my faith that I would walk by it opposed to my senses and sensibilities/ feelings that I might know His power to restore that which has been burned down and broken. When I look at myself and my life I feel like Nehemiah beholding the walls of Jerusalem and grieved to see Zion's splendor, trampled. Though as G-d used Nehemiah to rebuild the ravaged city, may He do with me to my life also.
(2 comments)
28 June 2015
Day 11 of tracking food. Having the log helps me confront the impulse to eat sometimes when I am not hungry and am just feeling empty. I've had a lot of that recently. Part of my isolation is my own fault because sometimes opening up to an individual proves more painful/ unproductive than staying silent. Sometimes well intentioned friends or family members can be sources of the worst/ most draining counsel. I've found that I have trouble asserting myself in efforts to avoid being lectured about a course of action I believe is unwise and am unwilling to pursue. I never thought of myself as being a people pleaser, but I guess I have a streak of that in me that comes out as cowardice instead of firmly and politely saying I understand what the other person is trying to say and just do not agree that I should heed their direction, and unless they have some other previously unspoken argument to share for my consideration that I am not interested in hearing more about what I "should" be doing. Alas, I may end up with abundant opportunities to practice this skill before my current trial is over with. Honestly right now I basically wish I could close my eyes and wake up to it being next week, or better yet learning that these last two and a half weeks have just been a very vivid bad dream. I know that is not the best attitude, but that is where I am at for now. Indeed sufficient for each day is its own troubles.
(2 comments)
26 June 2015
It's day 9 of my food tracking streak. I only went over my RDI once, but am averaging a daily consumption under my RDI and have had a net deficit of calories every day so far.
Life outside of the sphere of nutrition is still very difficult, emotionally overwhelming and stressful. Furthermore that looks to be the way of things for the forseeable future. However, even in the midst of this I have been blessed with many good friends who have been supporting me emotionally and through prayer. This trial isn't over by a long shot, but I am not alone and have been given what I need each day to make it through.
(3 comments)
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