FLOWERDUDE's Journal, 09 March 2011

Checking in ... Ya'll... I am battling anxiety like it is a evil giant hunting for me... I just cant seem to get rid of it... I keep trying to sling it off like something nasty I walked in . It is robbing me of sleep and clear thinking.
I leave Thursday for Atlanta to do my niece's wedding flowers. This is my former wifes's brother's daughter.. I don't think it is because of this.. it is money, the kids..the biz... I feel very "frayed". And then I think of Squiggs and the poo she is having to deal with that is TRULY out of her control. Meh.
Sorry for the whining... just where I be.
Praying thru again...
Can't seem to get my water in..

I am thankful for: (taking a que from others)
My son arriving safely from Seattle last night (he hasn't seen me for over a year...so 98 lbs ago)
The rent is paid for one more month :)
The shop won a local county wide award for best retail merchant in the area
244.4 lb Lost so far: 97.6 lb.    Still to go: 24.4 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.
gaining 0.9 lb a week

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Comments 
Steve, sorry life is difficult for you at the moment. One step at a time, one breath at a time. I know you know this. You also know everybody here at FS who knows you, loves you, and is sending you cyber support. Know you will find the strength to get through this. What did your son think, when he saw 98 lb less of his dad? Bet he was gob smacked and super proud! Good luck on the trip, bet your ex wife will be there and her family, to see how good you look - oh yes mama pay back is a bitch! Much love Steve xxx 
09 Mar 11 by member: sarahsmum
He has yet to see me... stayed at his mother's last night and got in late. Soooo I will have to update. In fact ...one of the before pics I use is from his last visit...the week before I started. So we will be taking a new one to do a side by side :) and thank you very much for the FS love... I feel safe here. :) 
09 Mar 11 by member: FLOWERDUDE
To coin a phrase, Life is like a box of chocolates. Take a moment, relax, and center. Listen to relaxing music, take a walk, read a book, enjoy nature, stop to smell the roses. Panic attacks can creep up on you, you have to be in charge. Congrats on the award for best retail merchant. Enjoy the time with your family and X family. You can bet they are eating their hearts out. You still got the business so smile and move on for that. Blessings, Melissa  
09 Mar 11 by member: windrider
i understand - sleep is not my friend these days either. wish i could offer something intelligent but i'm coming up empty. sending love, hugs & good vibes your way :) 
09 Mar 11 by member: sophie99
Hi FD, You have a lot of emotions going on. Should be better for you after the wedding. Can't wait to see new pic. Have a great day my friend....Bren 
09 Mar 11 by member: BHA
Just getting it out enough to breathe... come back here often! BIG Congrat's on the Award!!! You do incredible work, my friend! Let us know how the reunion w/ your son goes!!! Say Cheese! 
09 Mar 11 by member: jsfantome
FD, every time you feel that anxiety creeping in..go take a sip of water. Every time. Then a deep breath. You can get through this! Hello, you're FLOWERDUDE! 
09 Mar 11 by member: Junebug7210
Seve, I am so sorry that you are going through so much stress right now. I am still praying. God will help you carry this load, although it may seem that things are out of control right now. Love ya, my buddy!! Big, big hugs!!! Congrats on the award, you certainly deserve it!!! 
09 Mar 11 by member: ctlss
Hi Steve, Thursday morning, see you are on line so just checking in that you are 'ok' today. Did your son see you yet? 'dying' to hear what he thought! 
10 Mar 11 by member: sarahsmum
You don't deliver flowers from TN to IN, right? Lol, I need a little bit of spring on my desk pronto....impending snow....wah. Ok, pouting over. Hope you are in better spirits today, we're all thinking of you! 
10 Mar 11 by member: Junebug7210
Thanks, my peeps... I am pushing my way thru...breathing in..and breathing out.. Van is loaded.. Zac came by the shop and just kept saying your'e sooooo skinny.. but I was so stressed I barely had time to talk and couldnt leave for lunch. I really hate being a biz owner right now... 
10 Mar 11 by member: FLOWERDUDE
Awww so sorry you couldn't spend some time with your son...Keep breathing and you'll be fine...Bren 
10 Mar 11 by member: BHA
I am a few hours from Atlanta. The weather is supposed to be great this weekend. Drive safe.  
11 Mar 11 by member: windrider
Oh I love the Streak. Ray Stevens is still active in Branson Missippi. I hope to make it there to see him play one day! 
15 Mar 11 by member: windrider

     
 

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