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Blah.
Moving on.
Grateful I have insight into my own crappy behavior when it is crappy. I refused offers of pizza from new management yesterday, saying I had lost 45 lb since May by not eating sugar or wheat. Then, after my 18 hour shift, I stuffed my face with stupid donuts that had been sitting in the breakroom all day. I had powdered sugar all over my top, my face, my arm. Night aide came in and I was totally busted. Busted.
The director is having a hard time with her eating, I can tell. She is either eating Twizzlers, chips, and donuts all day, or eating these horrible looking green smoothies (so thick, she has to use a spoon).
I freaking KNOW that even when you have professional success, you still feel powerless in the face of food when you are overeating, and I was being horrible and saying I had lost the weight while she was stuffing her face, so she would know I had the discipline in that one area, and she lacked it.
Horrible. Horrible.
What she did to me professionally was horrible yesterday. She completely undermined me and compromised my ability to schedule my workload effectively.
I could be helpful and supportive where weight is concerned, but I do feel this ugliness inside of myself that I am succeeding where she is failing, and it is one area where she can NOT control me.
So, after a horrible, exhausting 18 hour day, I and my ugly character defects binged on stale baked goods. I am no better than any other food junkie out there. Where overeating is concerned, we are on a level playing field.
Back at work today for the low stress job. Will be fasted, drinking tea all day.
God bless us all today.
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219.6 lb
Lost so far: 13.4 lb.
Still to go: 84.6 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 26 October 2016:
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1297 kcal
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Fat: 62.45g | Prot: 72.21g | Carb: 105.75g.
Lunch: Great Value Pineapple Chunks, Domino's Pizza Thin Crust Pepperoni Pizza (Medium), Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Wing, Annie's Homegrown Creamy Deluxe Shells & Real Aged Wisconsin Cheddar Sauce Macaroni & Cheese. Snacks/Other: Nature's Way Hops, Sundown Naturals Magnesium 500mg, Nature's Bounty Evening Primrose Oil, Now Foods P5P, Now Foods Zinc Picolinate, Spring Valley B6, Himalaya Ashwagandha. more...
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2512 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Driving - 1 minute, Resting - 23 hours and 59 minutes. more...
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steady weight
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