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Thanks for all the support it really is appreciated. Today has been an odd day, sort of shell shocked and having loads of questions that no-one can answer yet. I'll have to be patient but its so hard. Part of me doesn't really want to know and I feel I want to be an ostrich and bury my head in the sand. I'm so scared of the future both for OH and for what would happen to me. I feel guilty for even considering what life would be like without him, but I have no-one here and I certainly wouldn't be able to afford to travel up and down like I do now and maybe not even run a car. I couldn't afford to relocate nearer my girls either and I do love where we live. I have loads of things to be grateful for, I'm just scared.
Weight is down a tiny bit more today, but that's not surprising as I didn't have a proper dinner last night as I couldn't face it. I don't suppose it will last long. I've struggled today between not wanting to eat and wanting comfort food. Well that's my vent for today
I've noticed that I have wrist bones now and elbows too and bending down is so much easier. I've found shoes getting bigger as well and the wellies that I bought when we moved here have to have 2 pairs of socks in them or I can't keep them on. Weather has been a bit more settled today, although the temperature has only been just above freezing - no rain or mist is definitely a bonus. There's a Christmas market in town tomorrow night and I hope we'll be able to go and it will cheer us up.
Hope everyone has had a good, positive day
Diet Calendar Entry for 09 December 2009:
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908 kcal
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Fat: 16.42g | Prot: 72.39g | Carb: 128.63g.
Breakfast: o% fage greek yoghurt. Lunch: cods roe, nimble. Dinner: white sauce, potato, carrots, peas, salmon. Snacks/Other: clementine, pear. more...
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 Comments
i so wish that i could help you with the worry...and never feel guilty for wandering what you would do without OH, this is a natural part of loving someone - love that you found your wrist bones and elbows...please hang in there we love you
09 Dec 09 by member: veggies yuk
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I think we all know stories about or have actual friends and family where things don't always turn out as predicted. I have a neighbor who lived 2 doors ,who died the day before thanksgiving (age 50) she slipped at the mall , a small slip-didn't bang her head, no stairs involved. She didn't feel great, came home, took an aspirin and passed out- she died before 911 arrived. Apparently was bleeding internally...everyone is in shock. This Christmas my kids will celebrate with their stepmoms uncle. He was told he had less than 6 months to live....in 2004. He's doing great-surviving cancer happily and thumbing his nose at doctor's predictions. Doctors don't have all the answers. There are greater powers at work than stastics. Chin up- one day at a time.
09 Dec 09 by member: sharonfriz
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I have wondered the same kinds of things when my husband was so ill. It is perfectly normal to do this and you should not feel bad about it at all. While I am glad to hear your weight is sliding down I am sorry that the reason is because you are so filled with worry. I hope you have much to be happy and worry-free about very very soon. {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}
09 Dec 09 by member: dawn0001
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No more feeling guilty about wondering what life would be like without your OH. Like other have said, completely normal. I do it A LOT. And, the reality is ... no one gets out of this life alive and one of us will die before the other. It isn't likely we'll go together in our sleep, though that is what I would choose if I could choose. But then my mom would have to be gone first because the thought of her all alone nearly causes me to stop breathing. Of course you are scared. Me too. I'm glad you are sharing here ... it sure helps me even if there isn't really an "answer." My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you ... let's just keep in the moment as much as we can and take things one step at a time. It is okay to wonder about the future but we don't want to be consumed by it and miss today. Take care my friend!!
10 Dec 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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