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This has not been an easy week. Eating has been quite good but my mood has been pretty black and I've been feeling very sorry for myself. Not a pretty picture I know and I'm convinced that moods can affect weight loss. I've been packing up some of Ray's things to send to the charity shop and Saturday saw me shedding tears while giving his shoes a quick clean before putting them in the box and then feeling guilty because I hadn't done the superb job he would have done.
Although I'm feeling much more positive this week, I have no idea what direction I want this unwanted change in life to take. My brain seems to have malfunctioned. I think, but don't act, make lists and forget them, look at the garden and decide what needs doing and then do something else entirely. People tell me to be kinder to myself but I just feel weak, overweight, stupid and alone. OK pity party over. Hope I haven't depressed anyone
I'm off to pick peas and mow grass. The sun is shining (shh..)and I've got lots to be thankful for. Just got to try and bring it to the fore. Happy Monday
Diet Calendar Entry for 15 August 2011:
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100 kcal
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Fat: 0.00g | Prot: 18.00g | Carb: 7.00g.
Breakfast: Total 0% Nonfat Greek Strained Yogurt. more...
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 Comments
There were black days in my past when I felt like everything was falling apart. If it's possible give yourself a gift of time...no expectations of anything. If the greatest accomplishment today was mowing grass and picking peas...yahooo, time for a party cause it could have been spent in bed with the covers pulled up...and even that's ok if you need to. Maybe start small, just appreciating all the beautiful nature you love. Maybe a short walk? Have you been back to working at the volunteer charity work you had been doing?? There are going to be easier days ahead and they will come sooner if you can be kind to you. Here's a giant hug across the ocean. I hope you find new and exciting glorious adventures around every corner...they are there waiting when you are ready :)
15 Aug 11 by member: sharonfriz
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Flax ... you most definitely have not depressed me. I am so glad you write ... I only wish you were here more often. I often see you "online" and check to see if there is a new entry ... you are often in my thoughts ... close to my heart. It has not been very long ago that you said goodbye to Ray ... and he struggled with illness for a long time. Your "healing" and readjustment is going to take a while and everything you described is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Yuo are going to feel "weak, overweight, stupid and alone" at times. Being kinder to yourself doesn't mean it stops those negative thoughts and feelings, only that we catch ourselves doing it and re-frame the thoughts at some point and forgive ourselves for being human. Your words to me on my journal were very much appreciated. There are those here on fatsecret I feel especially connected to and you are one of those people. I think we "get" each other. I love Sharon's ideas. Today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow, and we do what we can in each moment. Take care my friend.
17 Aug 11 by member: madaboutmoose
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Hello Flaxseed, thank you for your kind words on my journal. I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. I sincerely hope your days will get easier, and you'll find the direction you want your life to go to. Take care!
21 Aug 11 by member: jessyline
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