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Another week has gone by and I'm so grateful for all your kind thoughts, comments and hugs. Its been a stressful week and I've been down into the black hole and back again. OH was quite poorly but has rallied with some treatmet and we have been to see the oncologist today and he is having more chemotherapy starting tomorrow in tablet form. They won't look at intraveinous because your veins deteriorate as you get older and begin to collapse because of the toxicity of the drugs. There are so many pills I've had to make a chart and number the boxes. There are 17 for tomorrow! Some of them have got huge red warning labels on them and you can't touch them with your hands. I think he's lucky that the hospital are funding it. I'm also being allowed a grant to cover some of our travelling expenses to and from the hospital. Worries about finances on top of everything else almost crushed me this week, but my daughter has come up trumps and we have a bit of relief for the moment. The house that I own that my FIL lives in is just a millstone round my neck. It prevents me from claiming all kinds of things we are entitled to because they class it as an asset even though I get no revenue from it. I've been for advice and while everyone is sympathetic they all tell me I'm asset rich and cash poor!....as if I don't know that.
Weather this week has been lovely and sunny but quite cold. In my saner moments this week I've marvelled at how organised Ma nature is. I pass a row of wild cherry trees on my way into the village and the blossom is just opening although there are no leaves yet. Over the past few weeks the ground underneath the trees has sported snowdrops, followed by daffodile and now cowslips and primroses. By the time the leaf canopy on the trees opens, the tiny blue harebells will also have flowered and once the leaves are fully open and shade the ground underneath they will all have flowered in sequence, set seed and disappeared leaving just the dandelions in the hedgerow. What genius.
I am trying to keep a check on what I'm eating but with hospital visits at varying times and eating on the run, its hard. Well, I've rabbited on long enough and its time to get some rest and my nightly glass of scotch is calling....
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 Comments
Hi Flax, so very good to hear from you. Don't worry right now about the eating thing. You have all you can carry now and don't need extra anxiety. Just be with OH and try your best to relax in the evenings. I love flowers, wish I could see the display you talk of. Enjoy your scotch tonight and put your head back and just chill. Will do you some good. Be well flax and I will check in later. (( ))
12 May 10 by member: The Next Number
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I can't say that I'm pleased someone else is having a difficult, stressful time ... especially because it is you my dear friend!! They say misery loves company ... I think "they" are WRONG. The hospital and doctor trips are exhausting. Knowing that very little can be done is harrowing. Facing the eventual loss of a loved one and all the uncertainties that lay ahead is difficult. What I know is this. Today we have this moment. Right now we can still look into our loved one's eyes and sit by their side. The future has always been uncertain, I have just lived with the illusions that made me comfortable. The gift of love gives us the ability to walk side by side, next to each other in joy and in pain. I know you know I know ... at least some of what you are feeling. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you ... and as you sip your scotch I'll join you with a vodka or light beer!!! LOL!! Take care my friend ... keep us posted!!
12 May 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Please take care of yourself and I am having a drink with you too.
12 May 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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My thoughts are with you, my friend! You have so much to deal with yet you still find time to notice (and share) the beauty of nature. During tough times I've always gotten strength from spending time outdoors. It's a small comfort, but sometimes just enough. I'm so sorry things are so difficult for you and OH. ((((((hugs))))))!
13 May 10 by member: amryk
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I heard that nobody returns from the black hole, you must be one of the lucky ones. ;-) 17 pills in one day!? Wow, that is a lot, and you evidently will be having to wear a bomb proof suit to handle the stuff. A lot of people fall into that asset rich and cash poor category, I certainly hope/pray the funding for the OH continues. As always, such beautiful prose flaxseed. God Bless!
14 May 10 by member: information
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I think your inner strength is shining at the moments you can remember to find the cherry blssoms on the trees, no matter how dark the black hole. hugs and blessing here!!
18 May 10 by member: sharonfriz
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Flax, it's been almost a month since you were in your journal. Wonder how you are and how OH is. Give us a journal entry OK? Let us know how you are. Be well and OH also.
02 Jun 10 by member: The Next Number
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Hi buddy! I miss you and I'm worried about you. I hope things are okay. ((((((hugs)))))) Let us know how you're doing when you get a chance.
08 Jun 10 by member: amryk
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