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OK, I've totally blown it today! I started off this morning with a strong resolution and a determination to eat healthily. I was totally stressed out before OH's appointment at 11.45. Didn't have anything to eat after breakfast. Consultant was running late and we didn't get in until 1 pm. Appointment took nearly an hour and it was 2 O'clock by the time we got back to the car. We went for lunch which was fine and I had a bowl of soup and crusty wholemeal bread followed by a fruit scone. Things went rapidly downhill from there onwards and I consumed a whole packet of lemon cookies, a bag of liquorice, bar of chocolate and some peanut butter filled Easter eggs meant for my grand daughter. I felt bloated and very stupid, all because I couldn't handle stress. On the good side, cigarettes were absent. Oh well tomorrow is another day.
We don't seem to be any further forward. None of the biopsies proved anything - the extra cells in his intestines could be caused by inflammation or infection but don't show any Lymphoma yet. The next step is for him to have a transfusion of 2 units of blood on Friday as his haemaglobin levels are very low and then we are to go to Edinburgh when they have found someone who is qualified to carry out a scan guided liver biopsy. They are still going to remove the cauliflower like growth from his bladder. Every question I asked seemed to have a 'we don't know yet' answer. More waiting....
The snowfall forecast for last night didn't appear, but according to a chap in the waiting area there had been a lot about 30 miles north of us. Let's see what tonight brings!
I'm feeling very mixed up and fed up. The weather is up and down and every time I get optimistic about the green shoots appearing, it snows and I just don't seem to be able to get my eating under control. I gave up smoking to support OH because he decided it would be good for him and now my eating is all to pot. I know life isn't meant to be easy but I want to take my bat and ball and go home now!
I'm sorry this is a journal full of moans, but at least its saved me from insanity and I do have a lot to be thankful for - I just have to start remembering it.
Have a good FS day everyone
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