Skyelaps's Journal, 09 May 2016

Please take care of your health - sounds like you are facing an eating disorder. 

You really do need help. 

I agree with HCB, you don't look like you need to lose weight, but it does sound as if you have a problkemt h at needs addressing. Please loo into getting some help. 

Sky, when I look in the mirror, I still see my 417 pound self looking back at me. I cant see the 60+ pounds I have lost. I still see the giant blob that I started out as. The SCALE tells me different though. You are NOT fat. Stuck inside of your head are misconceptions and LIES that the world has fed you for most of your life. Those are LIES!!!! The WORLD has lied to you. That's not your BRAIN telling you that "Your fat" or "Stop Eating" or "Food is your Enemy" That's the broken WORLD we live in LYING to you. But here is the GOOD news. The world does not control you. YOU do. So when the world tells you any of those things, tell it to STFU!!!!! And to GET BEHIND YOU!!!!! Your body is YOURS. YOU tell it what to eat, and what to do. NOT the other way around. You have an AMAZING AND HEALTHY body right now. But if you keep losing weight, it will damage that. It could permanently mess up your metabolism. It could permanently damage your HEART and Kidneys. Don't destroy yourself because the world tells you to. LIVE because you DESERVE to live. And Be happy. Don't do it for anyone but YOU!!!! You are worth it. 

For what it's worth, you look great. Any progress from now will be based on your fitness program. Your cals look fine and you're getting some exercise. Apart from weight, what are your physical goals?  

Sky, you are not alone in thinking your brain is messed up; everyone has challenges. Some hide it well, some don't. Being frustrated with it shows you are aware so you are a step ahead of many folks who live in their own oblivion. Be patient with yourself to revisit what you understand about your ED, find your voice to counter the deceptions in your critical and demanding messages. I expect you already know who or what to reach out to to find your grounding point. Would give you a hug if I could....take care. 

Making that admission is the first step to getting healthy; body, mind and soul. I know you won't believe it, but depending on your height you are probably right where you need to be. 

Take it very seriously, when you read of Karen Carpenter, and Amy Winehouse, you get a real example of how this disease kills. Something in you is not sending the correct signals related to your diet. Seek professional help, if you are vomiting or being self destructive, or if you get out of control. It's nothing to play with. Good luck! This is a caring community here. We wish you the best.  

I would try to fatten up a bit, so you have curves in the right places... It looks healthier than the skin and bones look, plus not eating will make your hair, skin, nails look better.  

I meant not eating will make your skin hair and nails look WORSE!! You're too pretty to look like a skeleton! 

Make the change and seek professional help. Pick up the phone and find a good self help group for your condition. Google articles if u don't already, u can overcome this but you need to have a plan, you need to know others suffer like u and others have overcome so looking toward those people would be good for you, maybe a light will turn on and your brain will accept the fact that no, u r not overweight.  

Yes, Misty is right. If you want an App for helping with eating disorders, there is RECOVERY RECORD. That App might potentially have more help than Fat Secret. I wish you the best girl! 

Skyelaps - Those are "A.N.T.s" = Automatic Negative Thoughts. Examine them for truth and zap those little bitty life suckers! Dr. Daniel Amen (one of my favorite famous Brain Doctors) has lots of great info on his websites about this concept and so much more "Change your brain, change your life and body". http://danielamenmd.com/3-quick-steps-to-stop-negative-thinking-now/ There is a lot of great info & support out there, you are not alone. ANTs attack everybody. We all have to deal with them. When ANTs play their music in my head, I tell myself to change the "stinking thinkin channel" to whatsoever is true, lovely, pure, joyful, good, right, funny, etc. Most negative thoughts only last about 90 seconds unless we choose to dwell on them longer. ANTs love to get us on the pity pot, where we do not belong. ANTs spoil the picnics, if we let them. I hope you will take the time to check out Dr. Daniel Amen's advice. I have learned so much from him. He is a great speaker and author too. Wishing you the best. Praying you will find the Way, Truth and Life that will give you the peace you seek.