KayBuckaroo's Journal, 08 October 2021

Moody and ready for bed. Really, really struggling for the finish line here with getting my husband out of the house and on his trip tomorrow. I’m not only zero help, but I’m also completely in the way. It’s a general crazy upheaval in my house and it’s not easy to be here for even me, and I’m the house cat. So many crazy feelings about my present circumstances, surprisingly I’m having a brush with resentment and perhaps a smidgen of anger. It is impotent, my rage (😂 one of my favorite things to say)… because I’m able to control absolutely none of it. Husband is a soldier, making me his military wife: something I never had any guidance about, just thrust into his world and told “thank you for your service, ma’am.” I can tell you that I’m not ready to say goodbye to him for the next 2 months. I’m not thrilled about anything tonight. Tomorrow is his flight and then it’s going to be a while before I see him again. I have to say, I’m not pouting about it but it’s just a bitter matter at this point.
I can tell you that I have great plans for my time apart from my husband, including whittling my figure into the figure 8 I’m imagining… it’s so much easier to do it when I’m not sitting here with him and snacking together. Can I perhaps get somewhere in the 2 months he’s gone? I hope so. I’m also just really low key hoping to survive this.

Rough day today, tomorrow is going to be rougher.

I will leave you with my final thoughts, and that is a pint of chocolate Rebel ice cream was 600 calories and it was every bit as good as Ben & Jerry’s.

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Comments 
You say you can control nothing but you can. You have control of your thoughts. You are not a victim rather you are a noble warrior on a path to victory. My husband twice went away on training missions; each a year long. The first I had great plans and for a few weeks all went well and then I plunge in a sad place of missing him and being paralyzed. The second time I made myself a travel log notebook which I put picture of things I discovered, things I was learn etc to share with him when he got back. It felt like a mission to make an exciting record to share with him on his returned. I made a schedule. Repainted the house, built shelfs, did searches on pay nothing and upgraded appliances and furniture, and I volunteered at an animal shelter to take dogs for walks (there are some great apps that will donate to shelter - Wooftrax for one - for each mile you walk an animal). What I learned, for is I bloomed with the idea of being accountable for everyday having a purpose. That said, I real get how hard this is and there are other woman out there with these same challenges. Fishing boats, trucking, military etc pull couples apart all the time. There are support groups. If it gets hard look for others. Take care and blow apart these next few months ✨ 
09 Oct 21 by member: SparkKG
Hugs! I am not sure what else to say. I am thankful for this safe sharing community. I hope tomorrow will surprisingly be better. 
09 Oct 21 by member: LISfifty
Kay, hang in there. ❤ You've got a full plate, you always do and now it's time to dig deep and pull up that hardass determination, along with some self-care to get through these next 2 months. I know you can do this! ❤  
09 Oct 21 by member: _bec_ca
🙏🏻☮️☯️ 
09 Oct 21 by member: diamonddee3
Thank you for your service. (This was a joke but also serious!) Thank you also for sharing your story. It reminds us all of the “service “ you actually provide us. The pain and loss you endure for us. Thank you. And rebel is the s***! I do Love it so. 
09 Oct 21 by member: Jewellynn
Good luck!! Sounds like a difficult situation. I’m sure you are strong enough to handle it because after all we are stronger than we think we are!! 
09 Oct 21 by member: Daddy Manatee
Thank God for military spouses! Without amazing women & men willing to temporarily do 100% of the work at home, we wouldn’t have the best military in the world. Thank you and please tell your husband, too. (If you’re a Christian, read the Bible for comfort) 
09 Oct 21 by member: DrSueM
Found it - there is a web site “militarywifeandmom” Check it out. 
09 Oct 21 by member: SparkKG
We’ll this is a day ago so hope you’re chill tonight and not pouting. Chin up and move through life… 
09 Oct 21 by member: 66Pack

     
 

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