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I'm not even sure how to begin, so I'm just going to launch right into it. As I said in my last journal, I'm struggling with my blood sugar levels. I ditched the sodas cold turkey, and as of today I am 11 days soda free. I've been really focusing on what I'm putting into my body as far as food and drink.
It hasn't been easy. The caffeine withdrawals are hell. Major headaches and nausea. My blood sugar has been good. Highest has been 136 lowest 74. Nothing over 200. It's been right around 80-95. So hopefully, the doctor will stop thinking insulin shots.
My body pretty much went into shock when I stopped feeding it sodas, sugars, and carbs. Granted I haven't cut out the sugar and carbs completely, but I have cut out any unnecessary ones. More chicken and fish, less red meat and fried foods. Wheat and whole grain breads instead of white, and lots and lots and LOTS of fresh veggies. I had the shakes and diarrhea the first week. I'm having dreams where I am drinking glass after glass of ice cold Dr. Pepper, huge greasy hamburgers, donuts, Milky Ways...ect. They're so real, I can smell and taste it all.
I am so sick of pricking my finger. I had a breakdown Saturday. I was shopping with my mom and sister, and I got dizzy, lightheaded, and started shaking. I pulled out my meter to check my blood sugar, and just started bawling. I did not want to poke myself again, didn't want to pull out my phone and record yet again, another blood sugar reading. All I wanted was food. Bad for me food. I wanted soda. I wanted a chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy. I wanted to go a day without having to worry about my sugar levels, and taking meds. I wanted a normal day. Just one. So I cried and cried, poked myself, and cried some more. I was just so sick of it all. I'm still sick of it.
It's so damn easy to eat and eat and gain and gain, but so fucking hard to do right and lose. I always thought I'd loose a ton of weight, look good, feel good, and be happy. well, here I am 100 pounds lighter than I was last year, and still miserable. My brain still tells me I'm a fat ass. I'm not even for sure how much I weigh right now. There's a 10lb difference between my scale at home, and my doctor's scale. I even checked my weight on a scale in the women's bathroom at a local gas station, and it says the same as my home scale. So I don't know which to go by.
Diet Calendar Entry for 02 March 2014:
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1433 kcal
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Fat: 57.66g | Prot: 55.18g | Carb: 167.60g.
Lunch: Quaker Popped - Caramel Corn (Bag), Bar-S Foods Premium Deli Turkey Breast, Spinach, Broccoli, Wholesome Garden Sugar Snap Peas, Hummus, Tostitos All Natural Chunky Salsa (Mild), Roma Tomatoes, Tia Rosa 100% Whole Wheat Tortillas. Dinner: Olive Garden Light Italian Dressing, Earth's Pride Organics Baby-Cut Carrots, Red Onions, Green Olives, Cauliflower, Broccoli Flower Clusters, Wal-Mart Sugar Snap Peas, Spinach, Daisy Sour Cream, Hill Country Fare Shredded Colby Jack Natural Cheese, Ground Meat, Tortilla Corn Chips. Snacks/Other: natures harvest digestive health blend, Sunbelt Fruit & Grain Bars - Strawberry. more...
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 Comments
Don't be so hard on yourself. If you've lost 100, you can keep going. Find a buddy to work with you who has the same goals. It is so damn easy to grab something we love and know will make us sick. And yet we do it time and again. Don't give up. Find a nutritionist who will work with you. If you have insurance, most will pay for one. Use your scale at home. That's the one you use all the time anyway. Try this. Measure yourself. Keep up the good work, then measure yourself again in a month. At times the scale lies. A tape measure will always tell the truth. Chin up sweets.
02 Mar 14 by member: ClassicRocker
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Awesome stopping sodas! Its hard I know. You can do this!
02 Mar 14 by member: Kris AZ
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I quit smoking over 15 years ago and still have dreams where I smoke a pack of cigarettes and I wake up and my lungs feel like I did.......go figure.....you're on a good path, it takes a long, long time sometimes to change one's life.....it's worth it, stick with it.
02 Mar 14 by member: LotusLandJoe
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Keep it up girl - I know it's hard, but it is the best thing for you to do right now. Concentrate on keeping your blood sugar level and the rest will fall into place. Losing the weight will keep you off those insulin injections. Once your body adjusts to your new way of eating you will feel better - both physically and emotionally. Hang in there.
02 Mar 14 by member: NotAWatcher
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Agree with ClassicRocker --tape measure is best. The scale is just a number and fluctuates sooo much based on water, time of month, stress, hormones, etc. I have 100 lbs. to lose and I'm down about 18 lbs in about 2 months. BUT, I have lost inches everywhere and I'm down about one clothes size. The way I look at this is --it took my 25 years to put this weight on...it's OK if it takes a long time to take it off. The slower you go, the easier it will be to keep it off. It's OK if you fall off the wagon - I do. You can't beat yourself up. You just have to get back on and keep trying. You are doing the right thing - taking care of yourself and treating your body right now. Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for what you HAVE accomplished. But instead of using food as your reward, try to find something else that you might love to congratulate you. I get myself a pair of earrings, or a new piece of clothing...sometimes I just take a bath and listen to my favorite music and block everything else...find something that makes you feel good. You ARE headed in the right direction. And you will lose the finger pricks and monitors. Keep plugging away. You can do it.
02 Mar 14 by member: jellyzd
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Adjusting to living with diabetes is hard. I went through two pregnancies with gestational diabetes, which then transitioned into type 2 after my youngest was born. Insulin is a biotch, and while your sugars are balancing out, your moods can be up and down and all over the place. I remember bawling my eyes out in the car because my sugars were way higher than they should have been before I ate lunch one day. And crying because I had pricked my finger but didn't get enough blood for the test strip, so I had to poke again. Also keep in mind, just as your mood can be influenced by your sugars/insulin levels, so too your moods can affect your sugars. I know, for me, whenever I get particularly upset about something, my sugars jump up in the short term.
Try to think of your sugar readings in the same way we strive to look at the scale. It's just a number. It has no bearing on who you are as a person. Tomorrow, your next reading, your next weigh in... they are all a chance to see improvement. You have come a long way already. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself time to adjust. You can do this!
02 Mar 14 by member: mrsgamgee
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Dear Okiegurl81, You are a fighter!
Cutting out on sodas cold turkey is a HUGE achievement! Well Done!
I know drinking water on its own can be boring. I add lemon/orange/mint/strawberry to add a tinge of flavor. Try it
Your health is your wealth, only you can obtain and enjoy.
02 Mar 14 by member: NaDd_A
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