melissaknight's Journal, 20 January 2021

Melissa, why do you feel you have to keep doing it? It sounds like it's a real struggle. And of course you need food when you're working! 

Thank you laughingchevre I don't know..I feel like everyone is pressuring me to keep fasting even though I don't want to lose anymore weight.. I'm way too skinny..I feel like I'm going to die sometimes. 

Your decision of course, but it doesn't sound like you want to fast or that you feel good doing it. There are few if any proven benefits that can't be obtained through other methods (caloric restriction, exercise) even the oft-touted increase autophagy. I hope that you can break free of the pressure to fast, which, regardless of what some people will claim, isn't a daily year-long practice anywhere in the world as it is practiced popularly today. Even when people fast for religious reasons, they usually break their fast with a LOT of food and even gain weight because they tend to be in a surplus. Anyway, it sounds like you got to your goal and now I hope you can be happy at a healthy weight and in a healthy mind. 

Laughingchevre thank you so much for your kind words and support. I think your right, I can't let people pressure me anymore info slowly killing myself. I'm already too thin and I'm tired of starving and feeling like I'm going to die because of other people! I just want to eat and be healthy and happy! 

Hey. I was going to coment earlier but didn't. Never want to overstep my boundaries. Chevere is right. I spent much of my life shape shifting to every one else's image of me. When I was suicidal and depressed it wasn't any of those people there to help. Only the lord showed up. But at the end of the day you have to love you. People are so conditional. We give love as a reward and with hold as a punishment. You need to be where your comfortable. At 145 I have abs. But my body fat is so low I feel terrible. But people love it. I like 155 better. No abs but I can chase the kids and not feel deprived. Feel free to delete me. It's all good. But love you first. Btw unless your like 2 feet tall your weight is awesome.  

I don't know who think you have to fast but I personally think its best to always listen to your body. if its not happy with the fasting then fast for a smaller amount of time or allow small snack like fruit since its mostly water anyways. 

Thank you Hebrews! Why would I delete you? Thank you for your kind words and insight. Your right, my weight is way too low.. I'm so boney and gross now. I don't like how I look anymore. Your right only the Lord shows up. I just want to be healthy and feel good! 

Melissa, I am always especially glad to see you post. We share our name and some devotion to doing well with our health. I wish I could really help you see how lovely you are and how you have no need to ever deprive your body of the fuel it needs to be something someone else says is good. I have five adult children. The youngest is turning 18 on Monday... I'm old! I have a daughter who is struggling horribly with undereating. She can't even see how weak and thin she looks. You are a beautiful girl at a beautiful weight... Maybe too low for you if you feel too boney. Girl, from a mom who is terrified for her daughter, take care of yourself. Don't fast. Eat the food your body needs to be strong and fit and healthy! You worked hard to get to the weight you feel your "body was back" don't try to conform it to anything but beautifully healthy you! ❤️ 

I agree; always listen to your body. If something is not working for you, change it; you are in control. (((((hugs))))) 

Thank you icedahlia and kclab I'm going to start listening to my body and not the pressures of the world. 🙌🏼❤️ God would of never wanted me to continue to fast and kill myself. I don't need to lose any more weight! Just want to build muscle! 

Aww, thank you Melissatwa, you are right I deserve to treat my body right and not let the world make me feel any different. I need to take care of this body it's the only one I get. My daughter is 16 and she said "your the only mom I have" that really hit home cause I don't want her to lose her mom because I'm not listening to God or to my body. Thank you for your kind words and support..I hope I get to know you better soon. ❤️ 

Since I started eating today, today has been the best day I've had in months! 

❤️So happy to hear you are eating and having a better day. It looks like you exceeded your initial goal weight. Maybe now's the time to settle at a weight somewhere between where you are and that higher initial goal while eating enough to sustain your activity and NOT to feel like you're going to die. Just like some weights are too high for an individual to be healthy, some may be too low for what it costs them to maintain that level of body fat.  

Thanks LaughingChevre, I am trying to stay at 125 but it's hard so I have to stay at 200 calories only eating a salad with maybe some tofu once a day. I guess I have to stop drinking my amazing grass greens powder again that I was getting most of my nutrients from but I don't know why. I'm going to be so Malnourished soon I feel like. Hopefully I make it and my hair and stuff don't fall out. Good times!