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3AM..SLEEP, SLEEP EVERYWHERE BUT IN MY EYES
So its 3am right now and I cant sleep.
I read your comments and everyone has so much wonderful advice. I usually am the one with all the answers in the world but I cant seem to find the right solution for my own. Its not that I am clueless but you can give all the best advice in the world and it is totally useless unless the recipient is willing to listen and act on it.
I have told my MIL to stop doing my laundry, stop cleaning out my closet or go through the kids closets but she has to actually LISTEN, which she doesnt. I even told her once that even if my bed isnt made at 5pm, its still my responsibility no matter how much she wants to see a clean home by midday. But she doesnt listen. She still does what she wants OR....she become hypersensitive and disses me to her daughters and relatives. She has made me out to be some neurotic psycho bully to her daughters and I get little senses of what lies she has said about me through little comments they make. So I am left with the options of either staying silent to keep her from creating humongous lies about me or digging a hole for myself by speaking up and suffering her wrath through her slandering my reputation within the family.
The best solution would be to keep myself/her busy outside of the house to allow myself frequent breaks from her, or begin something at home that will keep me busy, like sewing. House solution is to get up much earlier than her and do all the things I dont like her doing so there is no chance for her to botch things or me to get upset.
As I always complain to my mom, she raised us to be TOO nice. I am always putting the needs of others before my own. I hardly socialized because I didnt like going to parties where kids werent invited. I didnt have a car for the first nine years of marriage so my kids were always as cooped up as me. I never felt easy about getting a reprieve from the house whilst they remained there. I missed out on several vacations and even let my health suffer when my father in law was sick with terminal cancer because I wanted to always be there for him. Now, I dont want to go out if my MIL doesnt get a chance to and she will only get that if I take her out because her son is always too busy.
I do have ideas on keeping both of us busy but it is a matter of finding such things. I still cant find a mommy and me club in my area (other than downtown where I refuse to go due to safety concerns). I am looking into classes but she wanted flower arranging classes which again my area doesnt seem to have. School voluntary work? She said she cant do morning and she doesnt want to go for more than an hour or so a week..I cant think what I can get for her in a school for such a short period of time.
I will figure it out eventually. I am still trying to deal with other issues in addition to the Gremlin, like Son Wise words grade conversion affecting his cumulative GPA and have spent the entire summer trying to figure out a solution that will help his admission into college. I learnt that Michigan Unis only look at 10th and 11th grade results but the cumulative does matter. 10th grade was also wasted catching up to core required subjects so he spent 10th grade doing 9th grade subjects. Similar problems in Princess Drama Queens school results and the topper, of course, is the volatile relationship between hubby and me. Mix that altogether and you come out with a recipe for high stress muffin (which incidentally is all around my waist nowadays!!)
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 Comments
Yikes. I start getting tense just READING your journal. I can't imagine the strain you must be under. It seems that a huge part of what is holding you back from enforcing your rules is the concern over what gossip TG will feed your other family members. So I have to ask, is what they think really THAT important? If they are the kind of people who will believe TG's gossip without giving you the benefit of the doubt, are they really worth concerning yourself over? I think it is more important for you to maintain some sense of order in your home for the sake of your own sanity and that won't be accomplished unless you assert yourself as the leading lady of the house and set the ground rules. Yes, there should be some give and take. But you shouldn't have to be walking on eggshells forever. Give yourself permission to be selfish about some things. Each of you is jockeying for position right now. You need to take the lead if you ever hope to have peace in your home. Best wishes to you all that you can find happiness living together : )
26 Aug 08 by member: evelyn64
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I am sending you a private email just because it's too long to post. Sorry to hear this is all so frustrating for you-- having all of the school stuff on top of TG. You are strong, though, I know it, and you will get through!
26 Aug 08 by member: katrinat
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Ugh, family can be such a touchy thing. Her actions seem to be like a spoiled child that isn't getting her way. Maybe a cultural thing where the mother always got her way? dunno. If she's acting like a child, maybe try treating her as one (but in a respectful way). Set up a calendar that has what you do, and when they are to be done, including a day that you would be able to take the gremlin out of the house. You telling her doesn't seem to be working, so maybe get it down in writing, so its visable for her to see the "schedule"...then it will be hard for her to dispute it, and maybe your husband would be more apt to back you up. Good luck!!
26 Aug 08 by member: Cheeks
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Sorry to hear that MIL is being difficult. I know mine used to come over more frequently to watch my little ones and she would clean up my house and make beds etc. I used to come home and feel inadequate and tell her that she doesn't have to do such things. She must have got the message. She no longer does it. Do you have a community college nearby that you could look at a class list? Maybe there are other options.
27 Aug 08 by member: chefchristabug
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