shiny50's Journal, 10 July 2019

I like that. I agree that it's not enough to just 'want' to do something, it helps to identify 'why'. Has your therapist recommend expanding on the list by defining what the reasons mean? Like, #1 to feel better. What are your expectations for how you will feel better with 'x' pounds weight loss. It's probably just me overthinking it but whenever I do that exercise (and I do it often) it helps me recognize a goal that may be unattainable and reset my expectations. But it could be that my goals are vague to begin with and just need adjusting from there. I guess I'm asking this because I've read a few journals here and the poster (not you) writes as if their life is going to be bliss once they reach x=weight and then find it isn't when they do. You are doing so well I want to applaud your progress and I'll shut up now. 

My reason is to live a healthy life because I plan to live a good long time. 

Good list :) I was looking for an item where you are motivated by expressing your gratitude that you *can* lose weight and know how :) 

I do it for confidence! Confidence helps me feel more comfortable communicating my feelings, wants and desires and gives me the confidence to actually go for my dreams! So the confidence I gain from weight loss hugely impacts my life if you look at it like that...it's changed me body mind soul...completely. I also love feeling comfortable walking around not having to think about how I look constantly...and when I'm thinking about myself less I can think of others more! 

Bella - Good advice. To feel better is kind of complex as it is both emotional and physical. My joints all over ache and hurt from the extra weight. My knees and back are shot. Each pound I lose is helping to relieve my pain by relieving the pressure on my joints and bones. Emotionally I feel sick that I allowed myself to get so out of shape. I still love myself, I just don't like what I have allowed to happen. Losing weight is the final step in my recovery, it is me gaining control over my life. I think you understand enough of my history that this makes sense lol. Thank you for the challenge! 

Shiny - I can totally look at my past and see the bingeing in my life. It would always scare me to death. I'd feel sick afterwards and the next few days were spent with feelings of guilt and soreness from achy joints (excessive water weight gain). I never went to a therapist, although I was the perfect candidate. I forced myself to shake the habit and deal with cravings. I would keep a (handwritten) journal about my feelings and talk openly to my husband. For the past year or so, I somehow grew out of the need to splurge with food. It was only hurting me. You can conquer this! It sounds like you have a good therapist and a great support team at home. Don't give up. Take one day at a time. Those aches will diminish and that's just one benefit! I love that you are sharing your experience and I like everything you wrote.  

How about setting mini weight goals....240, 225, 200 etc.? 

I think it is awesome that you have your goals on your mirror. I have my Alive day written on my mirror - it helps me to remember that we only have today and I want to make the most of it.  

All good advice. Thank you! I appreciate the responses. Kissangelgirl I am recovering from my bingeing as well and so much happier. The guilt and shame that comes after a binge is almost unbearable. Srossca My next goal is 244...that will be an official 40 lbs lost. After that, I will be shooting for the 230's! Tahoebrun Great motivator and so true...I sell life insurance so I know first hand that one never knows what tomorrow may bring. Adef you are right. I am so grateful and humbled by my body and its ability to lose weight and begin a return to health. 

Love your list. Take it one day at a time.