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Still stagnant. I really only started this three weeks ago. And a stall already. There really is nothing worst to bring your motivation down to zero. And now, it is frigidly cold outside. (It is 12 degrees, and with the wind chill factor, it feels like 1 degree outside). It's given me the excuse to stay indoors and under blankets.
Meanwhile, Joe only goes to the gym three times a week, and has lost 7lbs. My boss, just started going to the gym 10 days ago and has lost 13lbs. And reminds us everyday. Here I am, sitting at 5 pounds and gaining.
I know I've been down for a while, and people are trying to make me feel better. But I don't. I know the scale isn't the only way to measure success, but when it doesn't move, it really just brings you down. I'm actually up .2 today, and I'm really restraining myself from just getting a sledgehammer and smashing it to a million pieces.
I know that won't prove anything or fix anything, but it'll make me feel a lot better. Everyone around me is doing so much better than I. My best friend joined the gym the same time I did and she's lost like 8lbs, too. I really feel like crying and eating everything I see.
Everyone has told me that I wasn't eating enough. I was only eating between 700 and 800 calories a day, and that worked for me. Now I am eating between 1000 and 1100 calories a day, and I'm getting a good balance of everything, and nothing is changing. I feel like I am just stuck, while everyone else is surpassing me in every category.
I have always tried to be upbeat and positive about my weight loss journey. I have done this before, but what I know wasn't working. And what everyone else is telling me doesn't seem to be working either. It's like I'm destined to be fat because my body wants to be.
Clothes that I was able to fit into at the end of December, no longer fit me. I've had a pair of 29 waist jeans hiding at the back of my drawer since I've lost the weight, and now they are the only ones that fit me. I have two pairs of pants I can wear, and even those are tight. It's really breaking my heart.
Last time I had no real reason, other than my health and vanity, to lose the weight. Now I have a real reason. An expensive dress that I have to wear in almost 8 months. And I am so worried that it isn't going to fit me. I'm in tears almost every night. I'm having horrible nightmares about how I can't wear my wedding dress, and my mother has to pin bedsheets onto me because it's the only thing that is white that'll fit me.
I just need to get into the right headspace. I need some positive reinforcement, but unless that number lowers, I'm scared that I'm going to drive myself insane.
I don't know what to do.
Diet Calendar Entry for 23 January 2013:
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258 kcal
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Fat: 6.56g | Prot: 10.36g | Carb: 45.00g.
Breakfast: Coffee Mate Sugar Free French Vanilla, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Clif Bar Cherry Almond. more...
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