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Projection of things to come...was I not stressed enough?!!
Since I've been hanging out on Fatsecret lately, it's been so easy to "talk" to my virtual friends here that I've been ignoring my "real" friends...tonight would have been a good night to down a couple drinks somewhere in a bar, venting to friends, or doing so over the phone. So what's on my mind, you wonder? It's worry, anxiety, stress, and more stress!!!
Man, my normally ebullient, positive self is sure taking a beating lately!!! Even my inner Pollyanna has been silenced by the daily drama. Tonight, I got a new batch of a whole different chapter related to work-crap. A colleague called and wanted to hang out for a little bit. We started at 4 pm--and a marathon-talking session later, discovered it was nearly midnight!!!! And all the while, it was shocking gossip and scary, outrageous things at work!! I'm now truly worried about how things are going to proceed as I get closer and closer to my tenure-period (two years away, and that's when the shit could really hit the ceiling!!)...academic politics is the worst, I'd heard, but now as I get closer to tenure, I'm experiencing the drama in all its glory--not personally, but from others' horror stories, and that really worries me.
It was one thing to have to go through stresses through my dissertation-days, and gain 20 pounds in the process, but I REALLY hope to not have those days re-occur now through the tenure-process. For once, I'm really trying to prioritize balance and health, and I really don't need the work-stressors to undo all the good...
Well, 8 hours wasted, but I'm hoping this was a good revelation and lesson learned. From this point on, I really need to be very, very vigilant of staying away from any thing that even smacks of drama---and bury my head in my research, and leave work as early as possible in the evenings, and spend my evenings only for myself--nothing to do with work!! Cooking, eating right, working out, sleeping early etc...Need to become more selfish--not get caught up in being there for students, colleagues, etc. As they say in airplanes, "In emergency situations, put on your oxygen masks BEFORE putting them on for your little ones"...and that's applicable in my work situation too...for now, I really need to take care of myself--and once I'm on secure footing, I can take care of others too...
That said, tonight was really a wash as far as working-out and taking care of myself was concerned. The earlier part of the day wasn't too bad though: breakfast was normal, drank water much more than lately, lunch was healthy, and evening "snack" turned out to be dinner at a middle-eastern restaurant, and I tried to eat healthy, and I hope I don't see the gain on the scale tomorrow from eating out tonight.
Here's the tally for the day:
Breakfast: go lean cereal and skim milk (3)
Lunch: bean curd stiry fry (3.5)
coffee with cream, 2 cups (2)
4.30 pm snack/dinner:
Fattosh salad (veggies, toasted pita (3), and olive oil dressing (3),
Hummus sandwich (pita, hummus, and veggies (6))
1 am snack: grapes (1)
celery and reduced fat pb (2)
Total: 23 pts (not bad! except for the potential problem
with chick-peas in the hummus, and the late-night snack)
Water: definitely more than 2 litres
Exercise: none! :(
Hoping I can get my "mojo" back this weekend! Gonna get grocery-shopping done in the morning, taxes, and other paperwork, and attend a huge international party tomorrow night--hopefully I'll meet some interesting people and forget about work!!!
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