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05 November 2015

My morning has already started off poorly and I'm hoping that I can have enough strength not to eat my feelings today. I found out this morning that a previous supervisor of mine passed away. He was promoted a couple of years ago so he worked at a different location, but in the same area. He'd been battling cancer and had been cleared twice and the 3rd time it came back we all knew it wasn't good, but it's still a shock when the person is gone. Even being very sick he still came into work, even if only for a couple of hours. He loved his work and the people he worked with. It's just a sad day and I feel terrible for his children.

I'm not good with emotions, so it's hard for me to deal with them. I may want to cry, but hate for people to see me cry, because I was raised that you just don't cry or show emotion, ever. I'm sure at some point when others at the office are in tears, I will be too, but I won't be the first to break down. I am always awkward in these situations because I never know what to say, then I crack a joke because I'm uncomfortable, and hold the tears back for when I'm in private. My goal is to get through this day without leaning on food for emotional support. :(

04 November 2015

I've had a win this morning already. I was about to stress out about the work Christmas Party again, but I was able to stop it in it's tracks. The food is not going as planned, so the person who is planning it is going to try something different. The people I work with don't like different, so I was about to stress and tell her that we'll figure out some way to make it the same, but I realized that I'm not in charge of the food, I'm here to help her cook the food and pick up little things like maybe side dishes or appetizers, not decide what we're having. She's a great party planner and whatever she decides will be good and I'm sure people will enjoy it. It is a big step for me to give up some of that control and just let things be. I know she is kind of stressing about this already too, so I don't want to stress her more either. Like I said, I know she will choose to do something great and everyone will enjoy it anyway, so why stress?

Last night I got a workout in and a test done, so my stress level was under control then too. :) I did eat a little too much yesterday, but I felt like I kept myself from going too overboard and I did get my fruits and veggies in and I didn't eat any chocolate. Today I have my plan, so I'm going to try my best not to let any little junky snacks sneak in. I'm feeling really good after defeating stress, getting a workout last night, and having a plan today.

I hope everyone has a great Wednesday!!

03 November 2015

I wanted to go for a walk during my son's scout meeting last night, but I didn't think about daylight savings and that it would be pitch black by the time he had his meeting, so no walk. I did get some things done that I needed to do, but no workout. Today I'm going to try to get a workout done as soon as I get home from work. I need to get a routine going, but it's hard when we're busy.

The other thing I need to work on is eating more good foods and less junk. I feel like little by little at least, I'm cutting back. Today my goal is to eat no chocolate. If I even eat 1 piece it will spiral out of control and I need to take control not lose it. I feel like I can regain control when I'm at work, it's at home that is harder and where I tend to stress more. I just have to keep working on it.

Not much new for me today, just trying to keep the struggles to a minimum. I hope everyone has a great Tuesday!!

02 November 2015

I finally did a weigh in, it's been a month since my last, and I gained 2 lbs in the last month, so that needs to NOT become a trend. It's so easy to gain over the holidays, and this year I'd like to maintain or lose instead of the typical gain I have, especially since I'm already up from what I've been the past few years at this time. It's all up to me and the choices I make.

I hope everyone had a fun Halloween! We had fun seeing our little niece go trick-or-treating for the first time and my daughter went for what is probably her last time (she's just at that age). My son went with a friend, so we didn't go with him, but he said he had a lot of fun. I ate way too much junk food, but at least walking around with the kids helped me get some steps in and I did go for a run on Sunday, which I haven't done in forever. It was in the upper 70's here so I took advantage of the nice weather.

I'm getting things slowly marked off my to-do lists and trying not to stress over things that are either out of my control or not going to really be in my control for a few weeks yet. I need to take charge of the things I can control, like food and exercise. It felt great to push myself with a run yesterday and I know it would feel great to push myself every day, but it's just finding the time in the evenings. Tonight my son has scouts and I need to study for a test, but I think while he's at scouts I'm going to try to either go for a walk or do a workout during that hour. I always end up guilting myself into staying for the meetings, but I'm really going to try to get out of there because whenever I stay I just sit there twiddling my thumbs for the hour and try to stay awake. I need to take that hour and be a little selfish.

That's it for me today. Have a great Monday!!
Weigh-in: 138.6 lb lost so far: 4.4 lb still to go: 3.6 lb Diet followed poorly
   (2 comments) on diet mars2kids's own diet   gaining 0.5 lb a week

29 October 2015

I went completely out of control last night and binged, a lot. :( After I did it I felt horrible, mentally and physically. So today I still have a stomach ache and it is a reminder of why my body's not meant to do that. The only thing I can do now is move past it and do better. I have some healthy options packed for today and I'm planning to get a workout of some sort in after work. I need the workout to clear my head and then after dinner I'll have plenty of time to get some homework done.

Tomorrow I have a training for work on self defense. I think it's great they're offering it because you never know with people nowadays. A couple of other people in my office have already gone through it and said it was a great class, so I'm looking forward to it. I know the instructors and they are very entertaining, so it should be a fun and educational day, and the other plus is there will be no snacking on candy. :)

I made myself a checklist yesterday to help check off my stressors as I get through them and I already feel better. I think seeing the list and having the visual of what I need to do helps too. I've checked off 1 chapter in a class and I got the bar situation figured out for my work party, so it's moving along. The list is still long, but once I started crossing things off I had more of an "I can do this" attitude. Even though I had a major binge last night, I'm feeling positive for today.

I hope everyone has a great Thursday!!

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