gregwu - Member

gregwu

Joined December 2007

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Start Weight

245.0 lb

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Current Weight

245.0 lb
Performance: Steady

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180.0 lb

Still to go: 65.0 lb

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A Woman's Week at the Gym - A fwd that caused laughter and tears in our office
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

> This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to
> get into a regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary,
> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear)
> purchased a week of personal training at the local
> health club for me.
>
> Although I am still in great shape since being a
> high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I
> decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give
> it a try.
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a
> personal trainer named Belinda, who identified
> herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
> model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>
> My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
> started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
> chart my progress.
>
> MONDAY:
> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed,
> but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the
> health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is
> something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair,
> dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I
> enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she
> conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
> Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my
> sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
> holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
> going to be a FANTASTIC week!
>
> TUESDAY:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it
> out the door.
>
> Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron
> bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs
> were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
> the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all
> worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for
> me.
>
> WEDNESDAY:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the
> toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back
> and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both
> pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
> steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
> parking lot.
>
> Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my
> screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a
> little too perky for early in the morning and when
> she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY
> annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill,
> so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell
> would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
> activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda
> told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy
> life. She said some other shit too.
>
> THURSDAY:
> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like
> teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled
> back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
> an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
>
> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she
> was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She
> sent another skinny bitch to find me
>
> Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing
> machine -- which I sank.
>
> FRIDAY:
> I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being
> has ever hated any other human being in the history
> of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic
> little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I
> could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her
> with it.
>
> Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't
> have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
> floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything
> that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill
> flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
> teacher.
>
> Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the
> drama coach or the choir director?
>
> SATURDAY:
> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in
> her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not
> show up today. Just hearing her made me want to
> smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
> the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
> catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
> Channel.
>
> SUNDAY:
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services
> today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is
> over. I will also pray that next year my daughter
> (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is
> fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
>
> I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he
> would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds
>

posted 01 Feb 2008, 10:55

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