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21 January 2009
Needed some loving so there is only one place I know where I find that...my friends here at fat secret.
For the past few months I have been feeling lousy. Most of my symptoms seem to mimic pregnancy such as nausea, backache, uterine cramps and fatigue. To make things worse, I had to let my housekeeper go recently because she wasn't maintaining a reasonable standard since I hired her six months ago. So my fatigue and pain hasnt allowed me to clean the house so I am desperate for help.
Today I was in the middle of interviewing a housekeeper
when the phone rang. It was my doctor on the line and I knew something was wrong. Doctors use the office staff to pass on trivial messages like "Your tests were negative". So the doctor calling herself meant something had come up on some reports.
I had to have an emergency appointment with my doctor last week because the pain was so unbearable and she ran a bunch of internal exams and ultrasounds etc..
It turns out that I had a ruptured cyst and have another cyst on my cervix. That would explain why I felt like I was dying last week but seem to have improved since then. Coincidentally, my sister law also suffered a ruptured cyst two weeks ago and was rushed to ER. I cant believe that I managed to endure such pain.
So I have to go in Feb for a D&C to clean out my uterus and have another ultrasound to see if I still have pelvic fluid in another couple of weeks.
The only thing I could think of when she told me was redemption and relief. Redemption because my hubby and bratty 12 year old daughter have both accused me of being a hypochondriac. (I have so many ailments that I am like a walking medical encyclopedia of conditions. But all my conditions have been diagnosed by doctors, not something I am conjuring up for attention or something.)
I felt relief because finally I know what the problem is. I kept asking the woman doing the ultrasound.."Do you see something..do you see something?" and she said.."Do you want something to be there??" I replied..."Well yes and no. I would rather that I had no problems but if you dont find something..it means I will still be undiagnosed and that isnt good either."
The possible diagnosis for endometriosis is still on the table because cysts, uterine cramps, back pain, irregular periods are all symptoms of it but they are not going to do anything until other symptoms are ruled out.
I am able to move around but cant stand for longer than 15-20 mins without my back pain getting unbearable. In fact, as long as I am sitting down, my pain is bearable due to the painkillers and muscle relaxants I am on, but sitting down all day is getting annoying as well and my muscles are getting weaker, making things harder and harder to do. My house is a complete mess and now I am searching for someone to help me out with the house because the kids and hubby are not helping at all.
Sorry..I just felt I needed to share this with someone. I have no family in America and I just feel like I needed to talk about this because right now the only person showing any support is my teenager son. I am not going into a state of depression or anything..just felt a bit down about my family's lack of physical and emotional support in my time of need.
Ok..got that off my chest..now back to smiling again...because its not the end of the world...knowing the problem is half way to a solution so at least my doctor will have a better idea of how to help me out now.
29 December 2008
Initially started off this journal by saying that its been so long that I dont remember what I wrote in the previous journal. Then I realized that the 'I just cant be bothered' bug was still infesting my brain.
Yes, that is the height of laziness when you cant be bothered to read your previous journal anymore (I DID read it and it was written way back in the beginning of November). The laziness bug that seems to prevent me from even going onto the fat secret website even the I am literally glued to the computer all day long. The laziness bug that makes me wish the days would just go faster because I seem so stuck in groundhog day.
ANYWAYSSSSSS- I didnt come here to mope. I came here because I keep thinking about all you guys. Why? Let me start at the beginning.
I joined a group via meetup.com. This group was just bunch of women who really havent seen much of the world (this was made obvious by the fact that they constantly stared at me like I was some alien on display! I guess they had never seen a Pakistani before!) so conversation was extremely limited.
I then joined a second mother toddler group and this one is a little better. I made some acquaintances but the snow had impeded my ability to really get out too much.
But every time I am on their forum or talk to them, I miss all of you so much. I can honestly say that every time I have had a question or issue, you gave have given really good logical responses. I dont understand why I cant find people like you around here?? Is it the demographics of Flint, Michigan?
I feel like a cheater coming back here for the support even though I am not trying to lose weight (though I need to badly!)but I really miss having a support system and a place to vent and most of all, a whole bunch of grounded advice to count on.
Ok..so I know I said it before, but I will say it again...I am going to try to be more regular here..so look out for issues and problems to resolve in the very near future..and boy oh boy do I have a lot of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 November 2008
LAST WEIGH IN....128 DAYS AGO~
Its been so long that I am almost embarrassed to even write anything!
I have been missing fatsecret for so long but every time I saw it in my favorites, I felt like I had nothing to report.
Where have I been?
Well my month of Ramadan was going well and then I developed Bronchitis. Unfortunately, it wouldnt go away and I was bordering Pneumonia. So I was too sick during that time to add anything. Spent another couple of weeks trying to recover my energy.
The good news was that I lost 10lbs during my illness and went down to 135lbs (I never recorded my gain so even though it showed 140lbs, I was actually 145lbs).
135lbs was my target goal so I did actually reach it! The bad news-Not only did I stop dieting while I was recuperating, I ended up overloading on chips and chocolate. The result? I am bordering 150lbs right now.
MIL is still around. Still driving me nuts. She is trying my patience and my diplomacy to its limits.
Things she does to piss me off:
-She has gone through literally every nook and cranny in my home. She has not spared anything.
-She insists on cleaning out my drawers and wardrobe WITHOUT my permission.
-She keeps changing the bedsheets of my bedroom and cleaning my dressing table.
-She stole several fancy shawls for herself and to give to people.
-She stands at the top of stairs or outside our rooms to listen in on our conversations.
-She listens in even on our telephone conversations to see who we are talking to. If we both pick up the phone at the same time, instead of putting the phone down, she will continue to listen!
-She opened MY mail!!!!!!! She only did it once but I was so livid. I mean why not open her damn sons mail instead?
-If I am on the computer, she actually shoves her head right in front of the monitor (she is short sighted) to see what I am doing!
Honestly, I think of all you guys a lot and what you would want me to say or do. The only problem is a cultural one. I was not raised to speak up or against elders so I keep biting my tongue.
I have made some progress though. I told her not to clean anything in my room unless I request it. Also, I once firmly told her to stop changing the bedsheets as I would do them myself. I put a lock on my suitcase where my shawls are to prevent her stealing anymore.
I stopped speaking to her about the mail incident. I think she realized that she had done something wrong because she sucked up to me and offered me some new Pakistani outfits she hadnt worn.
I still cant resolve her eavesdropping problem. It is so annoying.
Oh yeah..she kept taking over the cooking and the cleaning and basically running my house. Today, she finally left all the dishes and the house alone and went to bed quietly. After she was gone, washed the dished and took care of the kitchen etc..
She is going to Cali in a couple of weeks and I cant wait. I have so many problems going on with hubby without her adding to my stress.
Phew...its feels so good to get things off my chest. I have no one to talk to because I cant risk talking on the phone.
16 September 2008
Today was the meetup with some local moms.
I wont say much other than it was a little different from what I expected. The moms are much younger than me and some of the kids were a little too rambunctious for my liking. We didnt really do anything except just sit and feed our kids and get a little chat in here and there.
I guess I was expecting a large table with loads of mom chatting merrily but instead I met three moms and basically watched them feed or constantly call their children back to the table. Even little bear became a little too free, running around the restaurant with the other kids. I didnt really like that.
I am not despondent because this is just a first impression and I am hopeful that down the road I will meet more members that are perhaps more suited to my personality.
Also went to the doctors today and apparently the bronchitis hasnt cleared up so I have to have another week of antibiotics.
What else? Nothing much I guess. Exercise is a flop still. With Ramadan and bronchitis, I think it will be a few weeks before I get around to the treadmill. At least it isnt being used to hang clothes on ...yet!!
Hope everyone else is doing good and losing all the fat..if I cant, at least hearing someone else is will be good for me.
13 September 2008
Yesterday I talked of how I was looking for Imluuvds daughters story through google but instead found a mommy and me group. I had been trying unsuccessfully for the past few months to find a social group for little bear and me and just when I wasnt looking, I found it!
I am a very spiritual person and yesterday it got me thinking..perhaps Vickis daughter is not only playing guardian angel to mommy but to mommys friends too?
Perhaps its just sheer coincidence that I happened upon the meetup group, but perhaps there was divine intervention? There is that 'power of intention' ideology floating around that if you want something strongly enough it will happen. But I wasnt even thinking about looking for any groups and I had already googled high and low without success.
Everyone will have their own belief I guess but I want to believe that little Sarah is a very smart cookie who is watching over us all here at FS. Thank you Sarah.
How funny, I was looking for Sarah, but instead, Sarah found me!
God Bless you sweetheart and keep doing what you are best at..taking care of people!
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