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21 November 2009

One of the exercises I did a couple weeks ago was to imagine a goal that I knew I would meet. I knew I could get down to 144 and I imagined that then I would lose focus and bobble up and down and feel bad about it for awhile till I got complacent and then I would tell myself that I just couldn't lose any more weight. For the last few weeks, I've been working on trying to change my mindset, trying to make myself believe that permanent weight loss is possible so that, in my mind, I am able to imagine reaching my desired goal--not just the goal I KNOW I can meet.

Part of my brain believes I can achieve my goal, stay fit during my pregnancy, and then get back to where I want to be shortly thereafter. But there is a deeper part of my brain that isn't quite coming along on this journey.

Lo and behold, here I am, at 144, bobbling around, losing focus.

But I am not going to let that be the end of the story. I am going to get focus back tomorrow. I stopped logging my food when I didn't feel well earlier this week. We had pizza one night. Yesterday I did better but I didn't log my food. Today I did alright but after the photo workshop came home starving and proceeded to eat three oatmeal cookies, half a twix bar. And then just now I ate a piece of the total JUNK my husband was eating.

I'm not going to go through the self-punishing exercise of entering the last three days worth of food. Suffice it to say that I had good points and bad points. Even in my lowest point I didn't lose control (well, maybe for a moment.) I'll have my chicken soup. I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm going to learn my this (keep energy bars or something in the car and don't bust in STARVING). I am going to show that deep dark part of my brain that it can't control me!

(1 comment) on diet Weight Watchers

20 November 2009

Was feeling so ill (nausea, exhaustion) yesterday I couldn't make any food and was afraid to eat more veggies. So, instead, when I went to get my sick husband something "not necessarily good for me," his request, I ate some rice krispie treat. Why? I don't know. But it set me off and then I made cookies and ate a few and then ate THREE pieces of pizza for dinner.

I guess I was feeling sorry for myself and I was so tired and sick feeling that I thought, oh, it'll be a treat day. Especially since my husband was home sick for the day and was on the couch watching movies all day. And it was a dark gray day.

Well, that day is over. My bra is tighter. Not going to weight myself as I'm still having stomach issues.

I am frustrated because I imagined a nice, linear progression down to my goal weight and that's not how it's going. I imagined that if I followed my plan I would see fairly quick success. But I guess it was easier for my body to go from the 170s to the 150s than it is for me now. I have to remember that in the past I've eaten fairly healthily and gone regularly to the gym and I have not been below this weight in a long time. So it will probably take more of a JOLT.

It's sunny so I'll take the creatures to the park for a long walk. I'll time myself, which will make me walk faster.

Oh, and I have the photography workshop tomorrow. Yay! (Thinking about starting a child's portrait business...have a lot to learn but I love photography and seems like a good way to make some extra money while still being home with my son).

New day today. Hope you're all well. Happy Friday!

Goals for today:
*Don't eat cookies I made FOR MY SON (had a bite this am to "test" and the sweetness was overwhelming so going to run with that
*No (more) wheat
*Nice long, walk in the park
*Lots of water

(8 comments) on diet Weight Watchers

19 November 2009

Ugh! I am having serious gas/bloating issues. I don't know what my body is reacting to, but it's AWFUL. The first week of eating more veggies was hard for me. But then the next week was much better. I seemed to have adjusted. Now, this! It is so bad that last night I couldn't make dinner and ate a fruit and nut bar. I wasn't even hungry bc I'm so uncomfortable.

Sorry for the graphic, unpleasant topic. But I am afraid to be eating a lot of grains/veggies so, for ex, this morning I had cereal which I know isn't great for me. My hsuband is insisting I need to stop eating so much veggie soup. But that is my diet plan and I WAS feeling so good. :(

I'm also wondering if, on the other hand, since I had a couple weeks of eating well that now I'm more sensitive to wheat? Maybe I need to cut wheat out. I have had sensitivities in the past, especially once I start eating healthier.

I know I'm overthinking. But I'm going to a health food store today and getting some cleanse tea. Never used it and scared. Keep thinking of the Larry David episode. Lol. Also getting some enzyme stuff. Supposedly if you eat so much junk for so long your body doesnt' have the necessary enzymes to digest lots of fibrous veggies but you can get it back. A) I don't know if this is health food remedy marketing BS and B) How did I get to this point? I have always eaten pretty healthily for the most part--very little processed food.

On the plus side, I ordered myself one of these little battery-operated milk foamers. It's so nice to have nice steamy foamy milk in my coffee. Might help me get off my latte fixation. Would love to not spend $ on the lattes but they are so nice. This little milk foamer might be the trick. (At least during the week--and then I can treat myself on the weekends.) Ack! Maybe the dairy is jamming me up.

Hope you all are feeling good and healthy today.

Weigh-in: 147.0 lb

lost so far: 4.0 lb

still to go: 9.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(8 comments) on diet Weight Watchers gaining 3.5 lb a week

18 November 2009

I'm making improvements and I'm not snacking (those little bites add up) on my son's snacks during the day. While my weight isn't moving down (in fact it's up a little--was tired and ordered Thai last night) I'm feeling good about my belly. Either the weight I've lost is coming straight from there or the ab work I'm doing is having more of a visible effect now that I've lost a little more fat. Feel good about that!

My sister said I look good and could tell I lost some more weight. It's not a lot, but I think I've past some kind of threshold. She and I always have a weird little competitiveness going on. She actually told me she was going to the gym so she'd look better than me at my wedding. (!!!) She was my only bridesmaid. But now she's a little heavier than me. And she smokes. So-- :P

Haha. I'm joking because she stayed over last night and just left and I'm feeling silly.

Anyway. Goal for today is to keep the carbs at bay. Fish tacos for dinner.

Going to make candied grapefruit for Thanksgiving. I always try to make a new kind of thing and this year that's it. Also making the stuffing, liver pate, little Juila Childs pastry puffs filled with ground lamb, tarragon and cream, chocolate cream pie (husband's request) and a smooth cranberry sauce. I cobbled the cran recipe together from a few different ones last year. Hope I can recreate it.

HAve a great day, all.

Weigh-in: 146.0 lb

lost so far: 5.0 lb

still to go: 8.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(8 comments) on diet Weight Watchers

16 November 2009

Managed to stay with my points and not eat sugar but I was running around and didn't otherwise eat all that well. WAY too heavy on the carby stuff and light on fruits and veg. I did eat my veggie soup while my husband ate the leftovers of our yummy pork loin from last night. I made him mashed potatoes and watched him eat some dark chocolate with salt (it's a Lindt flavor). Took a bite of the pork and the mashed pot but none of the chocolate. (I am an eagle, soaring. Or so I tell myself. LQTM.)

Fantastic walk in the park with the creatures. Gorgeous day. My little Foobs loves walking in the leaves in the woods. The dogs are WIPED out on the couch. Cozy.

I'm getting loose with my plan and I need to get back on track.

I need to be more patient with myself. The scale hasn't moved since last week and that's making me lose focus. Instead, I need more focus.

Supposed to be beautiful again tomorrow. Will walk again as long as my knee doesn't give out between now and then. Oh and I should get my new DVDs.

(5 comments) on diet Weight Watchers

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