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26 November 2014

I love my sister and her family. And I feel totally loved, supported and accepted by them. We had a great sister day today: movies, hair cut/style, shopping, chit chat. And then we came home to the four kids and I got hugs all around. But then came bedtime.... My brother in law was to put the kids to bed. I swear they were upstairs a full half hour screaming, giggling, crying and the 9-year-old scolding the 5-year-old the entire time. And I'm sitting downstairs thinking: Is my brother in law up there??? It didn't resolve itself until my sis came out of the shower and ...deep sigh, eye rolling... said, "I'll go up now."

Her husband is an incredible man. He has a sense of humor, is devoted to his wife and children, is a hard worker and well-respected on the job....But he has no clue how to discipline kids. For 11 years I've been walking the fine line between loving aunt and meddlesome in-law. It's been tough. My sis has alternately asked for my input and told me I've overstepped the bounds. We are all figuring it out as it comes. It's just that the amount of chaos that can often erupt - and typically right around dinner time - is astronomical. All four kids at the table at once. Everyone with his/her own story - or version of the same story - demanding attention, mediation, and mostly love...well, it just sorta gives me indigestion. I have tried just not eating at the same time as them but then they want me to be part of their family time. I've tried just holding my tongue or gently engaging one or two of the children in a quiet conversation. Nothing "works" in the sense of providing me a peaceful dining experience.

Oh, well, I guess this is the price I pay to be in the midst of so much love and generosity. I just wanted a place to put this out so it is out of my head and then, hopefully, I can let it go bit by bit.

All in all this visit has been the best one ever. I've been good to myself, not binging at any time, eating healthily and taking time away from the chaos whenever I can or need a moment.

26 November 2014

23 November 2014

Lately I've been noticing cycles throughout my life experiences. I mean there's Nature's cycle, of course. Summer to Autumn; my feminine cycle; my moods cycling; my need for support cycles...It occurs to me that all of life is a cycle and when I accept that as a fact (for me, at least) then I feel much more serene - and that equates to happiness in my life.

Today I leave for my sister's in Pittsburgh. Not sure what that will bring since I know my eating has historically gone through the roof whenever I visit her. However, I have this new way of eating that is very specific - and very helpful - so I hope that I can just get to the store as soon as I land and stock up on the things I need to eat healthily.

Friday I suddenly became very ill in the middle of the work day. I didn't have a fever just incredible stomach pains and nausea. I was sick once at work and again once I got home that evening. I spent most of the night in bed (from 7PM til 8AM) and then most of yesterday was wandering from bed to couch/tv to bed again. Somehow I managed to get the laundry done so I'd be able to pack - and I packed last night....and was, again, in bed by about 7PM.

It's now 4AM and I've been up for an hour. So far no nausea and only a remnant of the headache that sat about my head like an anvil all day yesterday. I wore my sunglasses inside with all the curtains drawn most of the day. I think it was a version of a migraine that got hold of me... Anyway, as I went to bed I announce to the universe and my body: "Whatever you need to do, please do it but I am traveling tomorrow and need to feel well." And just as I drifted off I said, "When I awake I need this headache to be gone. Even if I wake at 3AM." And here we are. I was awake just after 3AM, I re-packed my suitcase (thank goodness - it was quite a mess, though it had all I needed!) and decided to finally check in here.

I ate very little yesterday due to fear of it all coming back up again and the fact that I simply had no appetite.

I'm going to try to rest for a couple more hours before I get up and get going. I hope to check in here frequently over the coming week because I know it will help me to stay focused on what is healthy for me.

23 November 2014

Weigh-in: 181.0 lb lost so far: 3.0 lb still to go: 16.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet Awareness and Conscious Choices   losing 1.4 lb a week

19 November 2014

Weigh-in: 184.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 19.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well

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