showing entries 16 to 20 of 118
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24 May 2013

Although I'm happy to have my sweetheart home, it's not motivating me to get back on track as I had hoped. I'm so comfortable with him, and we've been in the mood to celebrate, and to me that always includes food... good food. He of course has a bigger appetite than me since he's a man. He snacks a lot, and he eats larger potions, and I'm finding myself eating when he eats instead of when I'm hungry. I'm really worried because I'd been screwing up for a few days before he got here, and then his flight was delayed, so I ended up staying in a hotel the night before he arrived. I didn't want to drive around to find healthy food because I was alone and thinking about safety, so I needed to get dinner and get to my room before it got dark. I ended up ordering a chicken burrito plate from the Mexican restaurant across the street. It was two burritos and rice and beans. It also came with tortilla chips... about double the portion I really needed and loaded with cheese. I didn't touch the chips, but I ate everything else. I'm just slipping back to my old ways, and I'm really nervous about it. I've been off track for about a week now. I also haven't worked out lately. My zumba contract is up, so I can't go to that class anymore. I'm going to LA Fitness today to sign up, and I'm praying I like their classes. So today I'm getting back on track. Back to journaling, logging my food, and working out. I HAVE to do this! I'm not giving up this time. I'm going to plan all my meals today and stick to it.

20 May 2013

It is 3:45am, and I really need to get back to sleep, but I always wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep. I go pick Chris up from the airport tomorrow, which means I have a million things to do today to prepare. It's not that he expects a lot, but I want him to be comfortable since he's been living in a hotel room for 5 and a half months, and he's really eager to come home. I want to house and me to be perfect for his return. So, I have to finish my cleaning, and do some beauty things... hair, nails, ect. I wish the day was free for me to focus on all of that, but I also have an appointment in Hiram which is 40 minutes away at 4:50pm, and my daughter has a banquet to attend at 6pm. She'll need help with her hair, and a ride to the event. Of course I'll be in Hiram until 6pm, so there's no way that will work. I have to call when they open at 9am, and see if I can get an earlier appointment. I also have zumba at 7pm, and I have no intention of missing it. It's going to be a crazy day, but I intend to stick to my diet. I really screwed up last night, and it's not like I made a mistake. I consciously decided to eat what I wanted for dinner. I had pizza, one chicken strip, and the most delicious chocolate swirl cheesecake ever. Of course my stomach hurts now, and that's probable because of the second slice of pizza that I didn't need (that part was a mistake, and I regret it). Maybe I'll look into some kind of 24 hour detox. I've never done anything like that before, but I really feel gross, and I just want to clean my system. If you're reading this, please let me know if you have any ideas. The hardest thing that I'm dealing with is the smoking. The day that my son was having his medical problem and had to go to the emergency room, I started smoking again, and I haven't stopped. That's really disappointing because I hadn't smoked in 2 months before that. I WILL NOT be smoking when Chris gets home. As far as he knows, the smoking is behind me, and I'd like for that to be true. I have no cigarettes now. I finished them yesterday, and I'm wearing a nicotine patch now, so I just hope I'm not biting my nails and snapping at everyone today. It's now 4am, I have to be up in about two and a half hours to get to Wal-Mart and do my shopping. That's it. I'll be taking breaks throughout the day to check in here. Have a great day.

18 May 2013

18 May 2013

I'm still not ready to weigh in because I just feel like a haven't been good with my diet, so I still feel heavy. I did try on those purple pants that I try on from time to time. This time, I pulled them up pretty easily, and buttoned them easily. Last time, I got them buttoned, but I was really struggling to unbutton them. Not this time! It was pretty easy. That helps my confidence a little. They are a size Large, not extra Large, not 2X, just Large. I like that. I would love to go into a store and buy something that doesn't have an X on the tag.

I was pretty depressed for most of the week, but I feel pretty good this morning. I love Saturdays. Getting ready for zumba. I'm always excited about my Saturday class. I'm gonna be a good girl with my diet. I'm planning a smoothie for breakfast, salad for lunch, and broccoli and fish for dinner, maybe 2 healthy snacks.

Have a great day. I hope the sun is shining wherever you are :)

16 May 2013

Been feeling kind of crappy this week. I know next week will be better. I go to the airport and pick up my honey on Tuesday. It's been a long 5 months, and I really need his support to get through this journey. This morning, I put my workout clothes on, and it took over two hours to leave the house and go to the gym. I really just wanted to crawl back in bed, but I knew I would feel horrible about myself if I did that. So, I made myself get in the car and go. I sat there in my car looking at the front door of the gym, trying to will myself to go in. Once I actually started working out, I did fine... I'm feeling very fat lately. I was on such a high for a while. I felt so attractive, but I don't feel I'm making any progress now. That stupid red weigh in notification has been at the top of my screen for two days, but I have no intention of weighing in until I feel confident enough to do so. That's it for now. I hope you guys are doing better than I am.

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