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21 May 2015

Yesterday I had a phone meeting with my health coach from work. I'm not positive but I think I may have caused her head to explode. My goal is 180. So she asks what I weigh. I have no clue. The scale is not in my focus right now. I'm focused more on what my body tells me than what the scale says. Hehehehehe She want's to know if I think I will reach 180 by the deadline. Um.. I think so.

Next she asks how the food tracking is going. I'm not. I stopped counting calories and fat and carbs and instead just eat healthy until I'm satisfied. WHAT?!?! lol Do I think I will reach my goal by deadline? Yeah I think so.

Exercise? Still exercising 5 days a week?? Nope. It was too stressful and not very enjoyable so I quit.. I will try to add it in if I can but I'm not stressing over it..

LMAO I swear I left the woman speechless. Then she tries to motivate me with a story about a guy that went vegan and he lost alot of weight. Oh I'm not going vegan.. I like bacon.. alot. Again.. speechless. She set up another meeting for 3 weeks.

I suppose I should have taken mercy on her and told her my clothes fit better and I was noticing differences but the whole "Don't worry man!" attitude was way more fun. Then last night I fell off the wagon and bought a bag of Reeeses and polished them off myself. I blame this on an expected quiet evening only to find out a soccer game was rescheduled, peanut is teething, little man was just plain being nasty, hubby was pissed the farm hand just didn't show up yesterday morning,... you name it.. it happened kinda night. This morning wasn't much better. There was alot of yelling. Alot of old habits. Not a single speck of zen. I got to work, ate a healthy breakfast, meditated, and.. all is zenful again. So a tiny slip in the awareness world but.. well.. that's life. I just need more practice and less health coach. Because well.. I'm Spiderman! Oh yeah!

20 May 2015

I'm spiderman. Oh Yeah!! I've heard this about 304 times over the last 3 days. It's usually followed by some karate moves and an attempt on little man's part to kill his sister. I know a good mother would say "No no buddy.. we don't hit!" But.. well.. it's funny and no one has been seriously injured yet. My new awareness let me watch all this, laugh, and shrug my shoulders when the "MOOOOOOooooooooooom!" yelling started. If they don't manage to kill one another then they will become hardy adults some day.

I'm actually doing pretty well. Following the advice to try to eat lighter, fresher, less processed foods. Trying to make my meals colorful and flavorful. Meditating 2 times a day. Starting today I'm also going to try to add 3 days of exercising. I've been slacking in that department. Instead of pressing myself saying I have to workout I've just been waiting to see if I have time. If I don't then I don't stress. I know working out would help me feel better though so I'm going to try. It might just be chasing spiderman and his sister through a field as the fight scene moves outside but it will be something. Until then.. I'm using the term "I'm spiderman!" at work. I've also told my co-worker in crime so she is using it too. Sure our boss thinks we're nuts but.. well.. she's no fun anyways.

18 May 2015

Meditation on a weekend on a farm with 3 kids and work to do is impossible. I tried. Heck I even tried when we were all in the car headed to the grocery store. I figured if I could tune out the battle in the back seat over window control then I would be golden but then I got the "What's wrong?" from hubby. "No really.. what's wrong." I haven't told him about my zentastic journey of self awareness yet. I'm not sure I ever will. I'm about 98% sure he would think I was becoming a hippy. As it is he's now suspicious because I haven't been yelling at the kids as much. lol

So.. saturday was challenging. Saturday became more challenging when the preteen went to a slumber party and the family had filled the home with sugar filled yummy deliciousness. It was hard.. but I survived. No meditation just being mindful. Sunday?? Sunday came completely off the rails. Neither of the monsters took naps. One was teething and the other was just a monster that kept keeping the other monster who was teething up. The preteen still wasn't home. The husband was in a mood because things kept breaking. It was at this point when my mindful moments became.. "Are you really hungry?" No. "Do you really want that donut?" Yes Donut.. eaten. I did work on some of the other things though. Recognizing feelings, getting a fresh start with things like cleaning out the fridge and my car, remaining calm even when the kids heads were spinning around in a complete circle...

All in all if I had to guess calorie wise which by the end of the day yes i was calculating it in my head again even though I wasn't supposed to.. I'd say it was a bit of a splurge day. Not enough to hurt me. Still.. I have to get out of that mindset and instead just listen to what my dumb body is telling me. Dear dumb body.. sorry. I will become more zen today.. and possibly cut myself ALOT of slack on future weekends especially when hay season starts and hubby gets grumpy because he has hay dust in his sweaty butt crack... just sayin.. it happens. It isn't pleasant either.

15 May 2015

Day 4 of being mindful is getting mindfully harder. I'm still doing better than I was though! I do think I will relisten to the whole book again.. possibly 2 or 3 times to get into a groove with being more mindful in both body and spirit. The book did say you have to remap the dialog in your brain so that's what I'm still doing. I am getting better with this whole mindful thing though. Only drawback is they say when you feel yourself having negative thoughts you should say something to yourself like "I am light and bright." Only problem is when you have 3 kids, and run around like a mad woman you forget to say this in your head... to yourself but in your head. You don't even realize you're saying it out loud until your husband adds something to it like "I am sweaty and about to fart." Which is funny but kinda ruins the zen when the finger pulling starts and the chipmunks are in the back seat squealing because someone made a fart joke. At least they stop trying to kill one another though so.. it still works!

Yesterday was Grandma D's birthday so I picked her up flowers and a strawberry shortcake cake. I ate one piece, refused seconds, and had a light dinner so I did amazing. It didn't become a sugar binge. I savored every bit of straberries, shortcake, and whipped cream and I was satisfied. Plus I convinced myself it was a healthier alternative to the cake I usually get her.

This weekend I will be putting mindfulness to the test. Two full days with kids, soccer practice, grocery shopping, sign painting, cow milking, lawn mowing, garden gardening, and it's recycle day in town so house cleaning/pitching out crap. If I can make it through this and still remain all zen and crap.. I will truely be zenny.. zenish? Zenlicious!

14 May 2015

Day 3 of being mindful. Something strange has happened. I bought snacks for the week like I usually do and I put them in my desk at work like I usually do.. and.. they're still there. This is odd. Normally the bag of almonds would have been toast by yesterday. The berries in the fridge? HA! They would have been gone an hour later. This whole mindfulness is kind of like brainwashing. I washed my brain and now it's stopped demanding I feed it mass quantities every other hour. Strange right?? Apparently this is what people with some sort of resistance to food go through.

Also.. the drinking more water thing is also still going strong and I don't feel like I'm floating away like I would have been if I said. "Self.. you need to drink 8 glasses of water a day." I'm probably drinking more than that but I'm not floating. I'm also not counting. Between not counting calories, not tracking water, and not weighing myself I'm not sure if I know what to do. I really want to peak at the scale though. Being more self aware is just making me more aware that my gut isn't sticking out at much.

So as my coworker in crime likes to say.. The Shakra Crap is working. Maybe there is some sort of embedded hypnosis in the audio book... Or maybe I'm not losing any weight which is why this all seems way too easy and strange.. and maybe I fell asleep meditating and I'm still on Day 1 and all this is a dream. Also a strong possibility.

I will experiment more with the shakra crap and let you know. I finished the audio book in 3 days so I'm going back to listen to it again. It's a library book because well.. I'm cheap and I have it for 11 more days. Maybe I will get something else out of it.. like chanting voices and infomercials in the background.

Yup.. I'm sippin the coolaid. :) Freaky.

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