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09 May 2016

I started a grateful diary. It's a cute little black leather bound diary I used to write all the things that were pissing me off in because the only time I ever felt like writing in a diary is when I was pissed off. I took all the negative pages and shredded them.. then burned them.. then used the ashes as compost. Now I have a diary that I write down what I am grateful for every night before bed. It's part of my healthcare challenges I signed up for at work. I don't have to show it to anyone BUT now I can leave it around and know that if my husband finds it he won't see endless rants filled with curse words about something he or someone else did that peed me right off. Plus.. knowing you have to write something you're grateful for even during a suckage filled day makes you remember the good parts that weren't covered in poop. So yup.. positivity. Like today I'm grateful the kids got up on their own and I only had to wrestle pants onto one of them. Oh and aggressive hugs. I love aggressive hugs. For some reason Peanut has become an aggressive hugger. He grunts, gives you a bear hug, looks at you like he is trying to kill you, then gives you a loud smacking kiss. No clue where he got it but I like his determination. He will love you darn it!! He will love you good!!

My other goals were no sugar for a month.. which I'm on day 3 off and I've only been tempted to cheat 50 times today.. but I haven't. I haven't given up carbs yet. Just sugar. I'm pretty sure if I gave up the two it would be 10 times easier but... eh.. I'm being slightly lazy. I will tackle that next. Other goal.. uh... I have a 3rd goal. Huh.. I wonder what it is. I hope it isn't remembering things. Oh wait! tracking food.. yup.. uh.. crap I have to do that. I have for 2 days in a row. Now I just have to remember what I ate all day. crap. poop.

Today I am grateful for selective memory :) and a slightly questionable logging of food. There wasn't any sugar in it.. that's something darn it!

05 May 2016

How fattening do you think Utica greens are? It's apparently an upstate ny thing because I never heard of them before I moved here. If you haven't tried them... DON'T. Holy addition. If I knew how to make them I would eat them every day and probably gain 100 lbs. Unless they are good for me.. I'm really not positive. It is a green after all.

Wednesday weigh in was 204.1.. I'm slowly going down despite feeling like someone stuck me in a blender and took me for a ride. Not physically.. just emotionally. The boys sitter gave me a weeks notice. She will watch all of her part time kids still but doesn't want my full time kids. I don't know anyone else who watches kids. I am so overwhelmed with fear and I feel like I've let my kids down. One of the reasons she gave was they are there for 10 hours and she's exhausted at the end of the day. I work 8.5 and travel 1.5 a day if there aren't any accidents. I'm an absentee mom for most of my kids day and their 2nd mom just decided she didn't want them. Jeezus.... I have to do what I have to do to provide us with money, insurance, diapers, and food but.. there is always a but. I feel like I've failed them. I only hope I can find something somewhere that they will love that doesn't turn out to be the nightmare of the last sitter they had.

Oh and the farm lost 40 acres.. oh and I had to have two cavities filled and my mouth still hurts.. oh and the preteen started soccer that requires rides back and forth 4 days a week and it's planting season.. I should really figure out how to make Utica greens.

I'm gonna go suck my thumb now.

05 May 2016

Weigh-in: 204.1 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 79.1 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (6 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 2.5 lb a week

28 April 2016

Weigh in from Wednesday on a Thursday because I couldn't seem to make it on here yesterday. I did weigh in and recorded it in Myfitnesspal but I never made it over here to write about it. Just yuck. Yuck yuck yuck. This is what 4 days in a truck driving to Iowa with 3 kids to pick up a grain head because it was a deal does to me. If it wasn't the constant snacking by everyone, then the stress caused by everyone whining, and then the constant fast food joints and pit stops.. oh and Iowa has gigantic cinnamon rolls! I mean HUGE. Think big as my face huge. All 690 calories of them. We stopped and got them not once but twice. Just smack me.

Today is better. Yes I weighed in again because I will probably obsessively weigh in until I get back down into wonderland. I was 205.5 today. For some reason I don't think this is going to come off as fast as I put it on but I'm determined. Its just a 5 lb bump in the road. A 5 lb stress induced 32 hours in a vehicle with 3 kids and a husband who says.. we only stop when we need fuel. uh huh.. unless the snacks run out. Screw rest areas where we could all pee. Uh huh. Don't ask how but I'm still married. I'm 5 lbs heavier.. but still married so that's some small victory right?

So now I jump back in with both feet and I get this cart moving in the right direction. If any other road trips stand in my way.. I run over the road trip planner with the cart.

Goal: 195 by the end of May. If I do it then.. I may be able to button my pants without laying on my bed and I will reward myself with an afternoon off all by myself.. doing whatever the heck I feel like doing because that to me is heaven.
Weigh-in: 206.6 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 81.6 lb Diet followed poorly
   (9 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 4.8 lb a week

26 April 2016

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