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10 October 2014

My boss is attempting to suck my soul back out. I won't let her though. I refuse. She can't have it. It's mine!!! I've noticed at work that people are just.. well.. depressed. No one smiles, no one laughs, no one looks like they enjoy life. We're in a bad dilbert cartoon. ACK!! I really want to do something to make people wake up. I thought about spiking the coffee pot with something like prozac but that would probably get me in trouble. I could randomly decorate someone's cube for no apparent reason so they will come to work and wonder who screwed up and decorated the wrong cube because it isn't their birthday.. not that anyone decorates anyones cube for birthdays. That would be seen as clutter, a distraction from work, and an interruption to efficiency. So.. I'd have to be stealthy and not get caught. No joke.. I've been told since I got back we shouldn't have plants on our desks (oxygen is bad) and we should limit our work space to only 1 or two photoes.. in frames (because none of us should admit to having a life outside of work). I just put up a ton of snapshots of the kids with thumb tacks. I'm not taking them down. I'm feeling rebellious. Any suggestions for battling office zombies??? I would leave random cookies on desks but someone will be on a diet.. or hate cookies.

Foods pretty good despite yesterday being a complete cluster of poo. The sitter didn't feed squirt until noon because.. he kept falling asleep after she changed his diaper. Um.. what?!?!?!?!?!?! I'm looking for a new sitter with no success because we live in the middle of nowhere. I had to take both kids with me to get silo doors. Squirt cried the entire time which caused little man to cry the entire time so I attempted to distract him with McD's and got a latte for me. They gave me a small instead of a medium which was probably good, little man spilled his milk, and I nursed a baby on the side of the road while everyone and their brother slowed down or stopped to make sure we didn't need help..... now when I have a flat tire no one will stop.. or maybe they will. The men might at least. I may have just encouraged the men in our area to stop and help women on the side of the road.

I get home after a 2 hour adventure to more chaos that I would write about but this journal would never end. Needless to say I patted myself on the back for not dropping any pizza sauce on the babies head as I attempted to get ready for today, eat, and nurse a baby for hours on end.. because he was hungry.. because the sitter didn't feed him until noon!!!

Tonight.. I'm going to workout if I have to strap a toddler and a baby on each hip. I need the stress relief. I need a stiff drink. I need to spike everyones coffee with prozac because they are just adding to my stress.

09 October 2014

I'm not sure where it's come from but I seem to have confidence. I think it's confidence. Maybe it's just being too freaking tired to give a darn. Maybe this is what happens to those women you see in walmart shopping in their pjs while their kids run around screaming but I haven't reached the pj part! AH!!! Or maybe I've decided to accept I am who I am. Eh.. I'm leaning towards insanity.

Yesterday I wore a burgendy long sleeved t-shirt that wasn't baggy. It showed the little bulge above my stomach. I found my fat slacks so it wasn't an all out muffin top... just a bulge. Today I'm wearing a fitted, stripped, sweater I found on clearance at old navy. It goes down to my butt so I should feel waves of fear that I look like a giant stripped zebra.. but I don't. Normally at this weight I would be hiding under giant sweaters, black's and grays to slim, and well doing anything to disguise the extra weight. But I'm not.. and to be honest I think I look pretty darn good. Heavier? Yes.. but not frumpy. I can't decide if its because I went down to 150 and didn't feel the need to dress like a tent or if it's because I've had 3 kids and feel I've earned my humps.. maybe it was all those days watching Steve Harvey and Ellen and seeing women with curves dressing nicely. I don't know.. but it's strange. Just another example of me slowly losing it. Why did I just spend most of this journal writing about clothes?? Well because.. I'm braindead. I need caffine.. and if I hadn't written about this I would have written about the kids finding a syrup dispenser that I had no idea we had then using the top as a gun because they watched lego starwars and yelling PEW PEW PEW.. I'm still wondering if someone a) swipped the thing from IHOP b) curious if we went to IHOP and I just don't remember going and c) Wondering if I went to IHOP don't remember and put a syrup dispenser in my purse thinking it was my cell phone... my purse isn't sticky so who knows??!?!?!

Other than that I'm behaving and hoping to get to 185 by the end of October. I googled calories burned per ounce of breastmilk and well.. I'm feeling cocky now. Turns out if you breastfeed for 3 yrs you'd burn 480,000 calories. I've never lasted longer than 6 months. I will probably never last longer than 6 months.. still it gives me hope to reach 185 by the end of October. Go magic boobs go!

08 October 2014

I figured since today is my first day back and I will be back to waking up and getting ready at a regular time that I should weigh in at this regular routine time... now I kind of wish I hadn't but it is what it is. lol I figure it can only go down from here because I can't raid the cookie jar 24/7.. and I don't have time to eat .. at least I don't have time to eat anything that's warm.

My boss is her usual joyful self. *snort* I'm pretty sure the gym is now on a not any day soon list. Unless I get a new boss. I've already been asked how much of my day I'm going to need to "you know do that thing". When I pointed out that it only takes a few more minutes than a bathroom break she didn't look thrilled. I an only imagine what taking a lunch to go to the gym would do to her. My only saving grace is "that thing" burns about the same amount of calories as going to the gym except no cardio.. or strength building. Maybe after I get into a routine again I can squeeze it in at home during the week and not just the weekends.

Food today is fabulous! It's amazing how much control you can have when there aren't sweets or junk only a few feet away. I'm limited to what I brought with me... because I'm cheap.. and poor now that I have to come up with 240 a week for daycare.

Now I'm going to look at pictures of the kids 101 times and remind me this is for them. Then.. I'm going to brainstorm funny smut. Like suddenly realizing you're about to get lucky and the only reason you're about to get lucky is because you're wearing spanks. Eh.. spanks are too much work. What do you do when you're pants are so tight not even you are sure they can be unbuttoned? "Excuse me while I lay flat on the floor to take my pants off.. oh and do you happen to have a pair of pliers handy? I'm going to need them to get dressed when this is all done."
Weigh-in: 193.2 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 68.2 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (21 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 2.8 lb a week

07 October 2014

It's my last day of freedom before I rejoin all the crazies in the cube farm. I don't want to go!!! I want to snuggle with babies and continue to avoid bi-polar bosses who lack in that whole ability to socialize with humans thing. I seriously need to start looking for a new line of work. That whole writing smut from the privacy of my own home is looking better and better. I don't think I could write serious smut though.. is there such a thing as funny smut? Can you put a fart scene into a smutty book??? Now I'm tempted to attempt writing just to put a fart scene in a smutty book to see what happens.

Eating is um.. a disaster. I convinced myself for a short time that apple pie was really a breakfast food because it had.. apples.. and um.. bread type crust.. and well it went well with coffee.

Working out?!?!?! OMG! My body has been taken over. I'm not sure it is my body. I think someone took my body and traded it with someone else. I attempted a plank yesterday.. 30 seconds in I was shaking like a bowl full of jello. Then I collapsed.. and realized I needed to vacuum so that's what I did.

The only good thing about going back to work is I won't be surrounded by food and well.. I get a paycheck. Now I just have to figure out how to workout without a gym.. or time and I will be golden!

05 October 2014

Weigh-in: 192.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 67.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 2.6 lb a week

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