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04 May 2017

Day 4 of LCHF/Actually working out and not just ignoring the elliptical while I watch Netflixs

Today I got to workout in the morning thanks to a scheduling thing with the sitter. You realize you’re a sweaty hot mess when a 2 and a half year old asks you why you’re all wet. It’s not good. I have pit moons, a soaked back, and boob moons. This is why I don’t go to a gym. How does anyone workout next to someone of the opposite sex and not die of mortification when they check out your chest and you have boob moons?? Maybe gym guys find these attractive but I’m kinda thinking they don’t. I don’t think I actually saw boob moons back in the day when I did go to the gym. Maybe it’s because I was constantly checking out my shoes to avoid all the mirrors. If sometime in the future a guy who goes to the gym actually reads this can you please let me know “Do boob moons do anything for you?” Inquiring minds want to know. Well ok it’s probably only me.

03 May 2017

Beginning of Day 3..

I'm not sure if it's the lack of sugar... or the hormones... or what.. but between yesterday and today. I may start flinging cow crap at peoples heads. If I get one more email that start with "lets get together and discuss..." Really?? Get off your butt, walk the 10 feet to my door, and discuss. Now you've warned me and I don't like you so I'm going to avoid you like the plague.

Don't tell me you will do something like call me.. then not call me. Then when it comes up as a topic late at night make some poor excuse like.. oh it was a hectic day. Really?? I have two jobs, 3 kids, animals galore, I gave up freakin sugar AND you're going to tell me your day got hectic?? I am the definition of hectic and I still have common freaking human courtesy. No just no.. no one gets to use that excuse on me without me clenching my teeth and thinking FFFFFFFFFF YOU in my head. Don't call me.. EVER. Never ever ever ever. Ever. Putz.

My ultimate favorite thing today... listening to someone tell me they found their soul mate.. again.. for the 2nd time in a 2 week span. I mean my god... it's no wonder no one else can find their soul mate. This person is snatching them up like a bottle cap collection. It doesn't help that the husband and I are on less than stellar terms at the moment. The term soul mate is on the same level as unicorn farts today. No just no... there is finding that person who you get and who gets you and you still look at each other like you've lost your freaking minds but that's ok because you'll be in matching straight jackets still attempting to grab each others butts. Soul freaking unicorn farts. And pixie puke.. and fairy farts.. and GAHHHHH.

This is what giving up sugar does to a person... they get angry.. very very angry.

Ooops wait.. there is a new one! Friends who know I've given up sugar and send me pics of donuts then proceed to say the word donut in the next 20 texts. Do I need this friend? I could block this friend....

Recap of Day 2 copied from so if you already follow there you can skip this part.

Yesterday was the second day of a LCHF diet.. and exercise program. I almost stabbed the girl at Dunkin Donuts with a coffee stirrer. The girls life was in serious danger and she still has no idea. I just couldn’t make myself drink bullet proof coffee this morning. I thought about it. I eyed all the ingredients. Then one of the kids distracted me by taking off all of their clothes and streaking through the house yelling “NO PANTS!!!!” So instead I stopped by Dunkin Donuts for a large coffee with cream. I placed my order.. 4 times. The girl kept asking “large with cream and sugar?” “Just cream? No sugar?” “Are you sure you don’t want sugar??” “Do you want to donate a dollar to the Childrens Hospital?” Ok fine. You give me my coffee with cream and only cream and I will donate a dollar. I donated my dollar. Waited 5 minutes for coffee with cream… and they attempted to hand me a bag of donuts for my donation. I say attempted to give me because I yelled “NO DONUTS!!!” and literally ran from the store to jump in my car before they could come after me with sugar packets and donuts. You didn’t see the look on their faces. They were bound and determined I was walking out of there with something that had sugar. Sure everyone in Dunkin Donuts now thinks I’m mentally unstable BUT I have not and will not cheat. I may have to stab people with coffee stirrers and end up in jail but I will not cheat.

In truth I probably should have stuck with the bulletproof coffee as disgusting as it is because my fat wasn’t as high and I ate more. I will blame that… not the 9 hours I sat at a desk today aggressively chewing on radishes when what I really wanted was strawberry shortcake with whipped cream. I never knew one could have an addiction to strawberry shortcake but apparently I do. We had it at a benefit last week and I’ve been having wet dreams about it. I may very well be mentally unstable.

02 May 2017

Day 1

Yesterday was the first step towards committing to a LCHF life. Honestly I’ve tried before and always ended up cheating in some way. It’s easy to slip when your busy and you have small humans following you around with an endless supply of cookies and nuggets and fruit snacks always clutched in their hands. Nuggets are a serious gateway food when I’m trying low carb… it’s technically protein it was just battered and deep fried. I have and can justify this in my head. Next think I know I’m spraying cool whip in my mouth eyeballing the kids ice cream sandwiches. I may have a tiny addiction to sugar, and salt, and deep fried foods, and maybe fake cheese products.

I’m also recommitting to strength training, and basically declared the next 90 days a no excuses allowed space. I will eat on plan, workout ever day, and increase and strengthen as I go.

Today was…. educational. I’ve decided bullet proof coffee is mocha flavored liquid lip balm. I know people say they love it… I’m just not sure how. I discovered a spoonful of almond butter are a great predinner distraction especially when tiny humans are insisting they are about to starve to death even though you saw them eating a snack 10 minutes before. I also discovered I can actually get up early enough to eat breakfast before work if I don’t mind going to work with shoes that don’t match.

Stats and the workout are listed on the blog.. I'm cutting and pasting because well.. I'm lazy.

01 May 2017

Sticking with the theme that April showers bring in May flowers... I've decided to challenge myself to 90 days of no crap, no excuses, and no reason to not see results. Oh yes.. it's another dairyfarmerswife challenges that isn't actually a challenge because I didn't decide to do this until Saturday night when I was in the middle of spraying cool whip in my mouth. Yup.. I did it. I admit to it. Yes it's horrible chemicals that taste delicious and I shouldn't have had them but COME ON... who can resist the urge to spray cool whip into their mouth when given the opportunity?

So starting today it's a strict LCHF diet because that's what works for me. It's never failed me in the past but other things have. It's exercising ever single night without fail. I may be in my fuzzy bunny slippers going 0.1 mph on the elliptical sipping coffee out of a sippy cup at 2 am but I will do it. It's switching things up and adding more strength training and different cardio and stacking hay bales and being chased by a heifer out of the pasture. It's putting it all on the line and going 2.89 mph.. ok maybe 3.01 mph.. Ehhh.. It will speed up with time.

I will post what I'm doing day by day. I will blog about it on wordpress. I will take pictures when possible. And I will complain bitterly until the very end.

Today's motivation is brought to you by July 15th... the day I plan to go back home and see people I haven't seen in 7 years and I want to make sure my butt is the same size it was 7 years ago... before the 2 additional kids were born.... and I found a gray hair in my eyebrow. Yup that happened.

25 April 2017

Copied and pasted from, um.. yesterday.. because well.. I'm about a focused as a cat chasing a laser pointer.

This weekend was one of the more challenging ones since I started my journey of healthy eating, exercising, and attempting to not teach the tiny humans to curse like truck drivers. I failed miserably on all fronts thanks to a giant package of glazed donuts, having only 5-6 hours a night of sleep finally catch up to me, a deep stressful conversation with my husband, and tiny humans that refused to take naps and wanted instead to go inside or outside every 4 minutes and 26 seconds. Inside, outside, inside, outside, snack, inside, drink, outside, go , go, go. I suppose that counts as some exercise but it also had me cursing like a truck driver the 109th time.

I am proud to say… The donut was just ok, the tiny bear cookies my kids keep raving about are absolutely disgusting, the ice cream was ok but not worth it, and today I am back on track. I’m eating more than I should but I’m eating all the approved things that I can eat and still be ok. I’m tracking. I will workout. I will succeed and beat this mountain with tiny baby steps in the right direction. I will not let sugar, stress, or tiny humans distract me from my main goal of being healthy.

Today my facebook account was also kind enough to remind me that 4 years from today I was on a different weightloss journey where I managed to get down to 140 lbs. I did it once. I will do it again. I will beat the 190’s and every level that comes after that. I will be healthy. I will feel comfortable in my own skin. I will be strong like moose.

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