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11 November 2014



I love this quote. Today I am at war with my own butt. Yesterday I did pretty good. I could have done without the excessive amount of carbs and if squirt would have cooperated I would have gotten 30 minutes in on an elliptical but squirt didn't cooperate and then he looked sooo snuggly. Yeah.. we fell asleep snuggling instead of him falling asleep strapped to a carrier while we bounced on the elliptical. So? I could have done better. I'm going to do better today though. I'm at war with my own butt and I'm going to win. That's both the front butt and the rear butt. They're coming in on both sides but I'm still convinced I can take them.

Today I want to get into shape because.. I want to look kickass. Can I say kickass on here and not have it bleeped? I think I have tiny dog syndrom. When you're only 5 foot tall you feel the need to look like you could kick the snot out of someone even though you'd probably scream like a baby and run in the opposite direction. Speaking of running. I want to run in a 5K. Next July is the Mad Cow run. Don't ask me why it has to be this one but it does. Probably because it has the word cow in it and it's only 5 miles from my home. The goal is to lose the weight while the snow is on the ground then when it thaws rope the preteen into training with me. Because well.. who in their right mind is going to let a preteen beat them in a 5K? I'd never hear the end of it. She's a preteen. Anything she can do to make me want to pull my hair out she will do. So I have a goal. I have some motivation. Now I just have to find some more motivation and a grocery store. I've discovered all we have in the house is carbs.. carbs.. and more carbs. I did find some lettuce but I ate half of that last night. It wasn't bad.. once I smothered it in dressing.

November goal: 185 lbs and exercise at least 3 times a week. Some kids included. They can be weight training. Or.. obstacle courses as I run around them in an attempt to lock myself in a room to workout.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to kick my own butt.

10 November 2014

How did I do it? How do you do it? I did it once! Why can't I figure this out?!?! How do you start the day and say today is the day without failing miserably by stopping at the drugstore on the way home to buy yourself a bag of pretzel m&ms but they didn't have pretzel m&ms so you settled for peanut butter ones which are 3xs worse than worse. Or how do you not wake up at 2 am to pee then suddenly discover yourself seeking out the twinkie box? Normal people pee, maybe get a glass of water.. then go back to bed! Me? Uh uh I pee, go to the kitchen dig through the cabinet for a cookie but can't find a cookie so I settle for a twinkie which I ate.. moaning in delight. What is wrong with me?!?!?! Why are twinkies so freaking good?!?!

Why can't I get this?? After little man I dropped the baby weight and then some by 6 months. I reached an all time low after having him. This time? uh uh.. I'm shoving twinkies in my pie hole and wondering why I ever found lettuce appetizing. Pregnancy ruined me. I'm ruined. I need to become unruined. I need to google fitness inspiration.. or physically fit women you hate at first sight. I need to do random squats in my cube at work and not care who walks by because dang it.. I want my pants to fit again!

Who knows.. maybe shoving a twinkie in my mouth this morning was just the low I needed to hit before saying enough is enough.. Either that or the fact that I almost couldn't get my pants on when I was getting ready. You'd have thought the gut I see hanging out every time I nurse the baby would help but it hasn't. I need to get my butt back in gear! I need to stop shoving every edible item around me in my mouth. I need to go google things and hope it doesn't trigger something with IT.

I want abs.. I want to bend over without fear of splitting my pants.. I want abs... I want to be able to bench press my husband. Ok.. I'm a little odd on that last part but something about living on a farm does that to you. You begin to admire the ability to benchpress things. I'm going to go attempt to squat and google things at the same time. Hopefully I dont injure myself. Today is the FREAKIN day DANG it. Minus the twinkie.. which was delicious and fitting for a last treat before.. THE FREAKIN DAY!!

Favorite quote so far.. The difference between your body this week and next is what you do for the next 7 days to achieve your goals.

06 November 2014

I meditated! Twice! Well kinda. I meditated the first time in the lactation room. I figured it was the one place no one would interrupt me. I was right. I somehow lost a half hour from my day though. Between pumping then meditating.. maybe this took an hour.. I doubt it though. Maybe I was so relaxed I fell asleep but I don't remember falling asleep. Maybe I fell into a vortex or I was abducted by aliens and I'm having short time amnesia. Yup.. that's probably what happened. I was so good at it that I attempted to do it again this morning. With a squirmy Squirt on my lap. Im not really sure this is the intended way to meditate but... I'm in a good mood and I feel good so I'm going with it. Maybe I will replay the session today at lunchtime where I can lose a half hour and not be missed.

I do feel better though. I feel happier. I think part of it is the focus of the meditation. Yesterday was "My life moves forward through desire." It got me thinking of all the things I wish for myself and my family. Right now my biggest desire is to do something that makes me feel fulfilled. Like finally writing a book. I've been working on the blasted thing for 10 years now. I should finally get past chapter 4 just to be able to say and know.. I wrote something. I actually hashed out the entire plot last night on the ride home talking into voice memos so I can't forget my ideas. I tweeked the original idea to finally get me past where I was stumped. I decided to add a section on the inability to sit.. or walk down stairs after working out. Don't ask.. there is an entire chapter on fiber farts and the first chapter is titled the incredible edible thong. I didn't say this would be a good book.... I just said it would be a book. :)

In diet news.. my 30 day challenge is a bit strange. I'm not sore. I increase most things by 5 every day and I'm not sore. I want to be sore. I want to know they're working. Is this sadistic?? Should I be happy I can still sit and my abs don't feel like they're about to burst when I sneeze? Maybe I should be grateful I'm doing something to get into shape and it isn't causing me pain. Nah... where's the burn?!?! And why does 75 squats seem to take an hour? I know it does't but it seems like it does. How long is 150 squats going to take? I wonder if I can count that high and not get distracted or lose count.

05 November 2014

Who knew meditating could be so hard? Here I thought I just had to find a quiet room and listen to the audio and repeat the daily message to myself. At least I thought this was the way this would work. I found the quiet room. I even found one with a lock. I sent the kids upstairs.. the baby was asleep. I figured I had at least the required 20 minutes. I made it through 3 minutes 4 seconds of the 20 minute meditation.

After.. 30 seconds I can hear the natives downstairs.
Little Man: Mom!?!?! Mom? Where mom? Mom where mom? Momma? *running at the door..... THUMP (I can only assume he ran head first into the door but this is only a guess. Probably a good guess but who knows.)* Mom? Mom? Mom in there?? Mom? Mom? Door broke mom! Mom? *door knob rattles somemore* MOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!
Me: WHAT?!?!
Preteen: What are you doing?
Little man: Mom? Mom? Momma? Mom? Door!
Me: I'm meditating. Go away!
Little Man: Mom? Mom meding?
Preteen: Meeeed Itttt Taaaaaating
Little man: Me tasting?
Preteen: Noooo Med It Tating
Little man: *banging on door* Mom!!! Me tasting!!! Mom? Mom? You tasting? Mom I want tasting!!!
Preteen: Oh god.
Little man: I'm thirsty. Mom! Mom! I'm thirsty! Me get num nums? Num nums? Sissy??? Num nums? Where bombine? Momma? I ride bombine? Where daddy? DADDDDYYYYYYYYYY!!! BOMBINE!?!?!?!
Preteen: *cranks up the volume on the tv in the living room* Daddy's milking cows you can't ride the combine!
Little man: MOOOOOOOOOM
Squirt:.. *wakes up*
Me? Meditating turned into muttering. Before finally giving up and going to the kitchen. Sugar fast? Broken.

Tomorrow is a new day. I would say today is a new day but I've already had a poptart. And alot of coffee. The kids don't seem to understand that whole clock change thing. They love the staying up but don't have a clue what sleeping in means. So we've been up since 4:45. Today is one of those I wish I could crawl back into bed days. None of my clothes fit. I'm getting frustrated with the lack of control, lack of time to workout, lack of time to go to the gym and lack of well.. lack of clothes that fit. Poop! Big steamy piles of poop! Maybe I should try meditating again.

04 November 2014

Day 3 of my madness was a success! It also got me back down to 190.0 lbs. Hello 190, I hope to say goodbye to you soon. I'd love to be in the 180's by the end of this week. Day 4 is going well too except for those darn pretzel nuggets. Evil lil buggers. You can't eat just one. Then before you know it you've eaten 3 servings because well.. its fun to pop nuggets into your mouth and they aren't mini candy bars. The co-workers have been trick or treating in reverse. They bring their kids candy to work then go cube to cube leaving evil wrapped in a mini wrapper. I only chucked one candy bar at someone's head. Mostly because they insisted on watching me eat it instead of letting me politely accept it then chuck it over my head into the cube next to me. So far I haven't heard any ows.. so? Well todays cube forecast is raining kitkats. And my co-worker thinks I love her. Which I do but I'm also using her as a sugar dispensery.

I have run into a teeny tiny hiccup on the no sugar for a month plan. My bosses birthday is Thursday. We're supposed to get her a cheesecake. Is there an unsuspicious way to get your boss a cake then insist she eat the entire thing while you only watch? I don't think I can pull it off. I'm afraid she will think I poisoned it or something. Which should tell you loads about our relationship but it is what it is and I'm stuck. I attempted to apply for another position at the company but I had an issue.. I have so much baby brain the hiring manager would ask me a question and I would forget what the question was half way through answering it. Then we would stare blankly at each other. Turns out I didn't have enough manager experience anyways.. I guess that's what I get attempting to jump two managerial levels higher. But hey.. I had to try and well a lack of sleep gives you a what the H! attitude. Plus I got lots of good advice on how to move up the ladder someday. And I think it's motivated me to try out for other jobs. What can it hurt? I'm dillusional enough that I think I could find a fun job. I just have to get over that thing where I forget what I'm talking about mid sentence. I think the baby needs cereal. Maybe with a lil cereal the lil guy will sleep more than 3 hours at a time or 2 hours. Last night was 2 hours. 2 freaking hours!!! *slump and drool*

Day 3 fitness challenge
50 sec plank
6 push-ups
60 squats
35 sit-ups

Day 4 Fitness Challenge
Well.. I haven't done these yet. I only attempt to do these when the kids are distracted and I've locked my husband out of our bedroom.

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