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27 July 2017

Now that I'm back from vacation I am slowly getting back on track. I weighed in this morning at 199.8. When you consider not tracking what I ate while I was on vacation I think this small bump is actually a victory. Vacation was glorious. We visited my mom for a few days and then headed up towards Chicago to visit friends. Just being able to forget all the stress and drama at home was a blessing. I really didn't want to come home. If I could have stayed I think I would have. Unfortunately I'm a grown up and I have these responsibility things and tiny humans that rely on me and they missed home.

On the diet front.. I'm getting back into healthy eating and will probably join the gym at the new job as soon as I settle into things. I have my last yoga class in the session tonight and I can switch to taking classes at the new gym for a change of pace. Plus I'm working 60 hours a week and that doesn't leave a whole lot of time to be bored and mindlessly eat.

On the home front.. Can someone lend me $300,000? I found a house that is absolutely heaven but I can't afford it. I'm looking into places to move into as my marriage is currently exploding. I know I've never really written a lot about my marriage or our issues. Here and there I would but I've always considered a marriage to be a sacred private thing. Now that I'm done and I have to defend my reasoning to people since I'm the one that's saying I'm done... if I wasn't mature I would just fill several pages with reasons, copy them, laminate them... and hand them out.
Item #1... My husband refused to touch me or have sex with me for 2 years. I blamed myself at first and developed serious body issues but then I realized that some men actually find me attractive and my husband just didn't love me anymore. Now I just hope those muscles haven't atrophied and in a weird paranoid web search I learned lack of sex can create pee squirts. Thanks sexless marriage.

My husband doesn't want the divorce. He thinks after years and years of me saying I'm unhappy and pleading to him care and trying to make things work but nothing ever changed that I should keep trying because well.. now he wants to try. Now that I'm resentful, angry, and under the assumption that anyone who loved me wouldn't have treated me that way. They would have cared about me. They would have remembered my birthday, bought me an xmas gift, found the dish washer, picked up dinner for the kids when I was sick, responded to my text messages, held my hand, took me out to dinner once in a blue moon, gone on date nights, thought of me occasionally instead of only thinking of themselves.. I don't know who this person is but they sound like a Greek god. He says I need to communicate (because all those times that I would be in hysterical tears standing in front of him while he told me I was wrong didn't count), I need to try more (because all those things that I did in an effort to make him happier, make things easier for him, relationship books I read and tried, attempts to get him to see I was upset, all those suggestions I made like date night where he spent the ONE date night on his phone the entire time.. well those also didn't count apparently), and all those times that I told him I'm feeling ____ because of this.. or I'm unhappy and I can't live like this or I hate my f##kin life.. All those comments also don't count. So you know what? I gave up. I stopped trying. Then I decided I had enough and I could find happiness either on my own or with someone who loved and appreciated me. Which to be honest.. I haven't felt from my husband in years. Now I'm just a bitter, angry, resentful short chick who has to resist the urge to flip people off. Because flipping people off feels really freakin good.

Maybe I should take my anger and do something productive.. like lift weights or take a spin class. Yoga is great.. but.. well.. I'm feeling a little bit violent at the suggestion that I'm the one that needs to try now that he finally gives a flying duck. Ok end of vent.. thank you for reading. Who am I kidding? I will vent more later.

27 July 2017

Weigh-in: 199.8 lb lost so far: 16.0 lb still to go: 59.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 0.4 lb a week

12 July 2017

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been quiet lately because there has been a huge shift in my life. My diet and exercise have been put on the back burner for the past couple of weeks but I hope that will change after next week.

First good piece of news... I convinced someone I was management material. I've taken a reduction in hours at my previous job until they can find someone and this week I became a full time documentation manager at a new company. That means 60 hour work weeks and a nice little bump on the financial front. This leads to good news number 2.

I'm looking into either buying land to build on or a house in the country to move into in the nearish future because well... I told my husband I want a divorce. After 7 years together and living the last 3 as nothing more than roommates I've decided that life can and should offer more. I deserve better. I deserve someone who loves and wants me. Granted my husband has yet to accept this declaration as fact so I'm sure the toller coaster isn't over but I'm in the seat, my seatbelt is fastened and I'm keeping my hands and feet in the ride at all times. I wonder if this means I eventually have to come up with a new user name...

Next week I go on vacation to visit family and a few friends. When I return its full steam ahead. I need to look good and feel good for all those suits I need to look into buying. I'm a manager and stuff now.

06 July 2017

Weigh-in: 198.5 lb lost so far: 17.3 lb still to go: 58.5 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (9 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 2.8 lb a week

03 July 2017

Weigh-in: 199.7 lb lost so far: 16.1 lb still to go: 59.7 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 0.8 lb a week

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