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18 March 2015

You know that saying you get back what you put out there? If you have a positive attitude then positive things will happen to you. I tried to follow that this morning. I woke up.. said today will be a good day. Got up.. stretched and was promptly greated by the almost 3 year old little man screaming, not yelling, screaming. I WANT PAPPY!!!!!! It all started off innocently enough about 4 months ago when his baby brother finally started using one. Little man hadn't had one in almost a year. He would find his brother's pacifier, put it in his mouth, and say
"look momma! Imma baby!"
"Awe.. You're a cute baby now stop that. You have snot pouring out of your nose and you're brother doesn't need your cold"

This progressed.. all cuteness. Until he started stealing his brother's pacifier. They will both be in the car.. happy lil tiny people.. his brother falls asleep. I glance back and there it is in little man's mouth. So I think... well at least he waits until his brother falls asleep.

Fast forward to this morning. First off I didn't know where THE pappy was. The one he lost. We have a drawer of some of his old ones. As my positivity is challenged. I decide I can positively turn little man into a little man. I throw all the old ones away. Hubby comes around the corner with THE pappy and hands it to me. I throw it away. He attempts to dive in the garbage after it because I've obviously LOST MY MIND. No. We aren't doing this. I deal with the tantrums. I deal with the.. seriously your 2.5 yr old STILL uses a pacifier? Yes.. when he steals it from his brother and he isn't doing snow angels in the cookie aisle while he brother attempts to chew his way out of the car seat? Then yes yes he does. Hubby catches the death stare and slowly backs out of the room. Little man eventually calms down.. hubby flees to the barn. And then it happened. He found the blue pappy the pappy of all pappies. The ONLY pacifier his brother loves.

"Momma? This brother's pappy?"
"Yes...." waiting for the next melting of the toddler
"Ok. I put his pappy in his seat for you." and puts it in his car seat where he finds.. another pappy.
"Momma?? Can I have this pappy?"
Next happens the melting of the momma.. because I spoil the boys rotten because I'm older and I should know better but I keep telling myself they are my last ones and I should be allowed to spoil then even though I'm only making my life 1,000% harder.. their my babies. And they play me like a fiddle.
"Ok buddy. You can borrow it but it's your brothers."

Then after getting the troops ready and lugging all the gear which now equals a pump bag, diaper bag, bottle bag, purse, shopping bag with dress shoes and a sweater out of the house to the back porch I decided I should fall down the back stairs. I'm fine. I layed there for a while so I could be sure all the slush and salt soaked all the way through my slacks into my underwear but I'm fine. A tiny but bruised maybe? I don't know I can't see my butt. Is it normal to not be able to see your own butt? I feel like I should be able to do it but I'm not just flexible enough. Hubby spots me and asks me what I'm doing to which I replied.... I'm being positive damn it!

He then backed away slowly.. and finished plowing the driveway in the skid steer so I could come to work with a gigantic bottle of tylenol and a coffee and donut from dunkins because I deserved it dang it. This mindset may be why it will take me 93 months to get to my goal. I'm paying for it with a salad for lunch though.. so eh.. It all evens out over time. I'm going to go take more tylenol now before I have to sit through a 1 hour and 30 minute meeting I am titling. Death by powerpoint.

17 March 2015

You may or may not have seen the previous journal entry. I had to remove it. It just isn't me. I'm not me. I'm angry. I have no clue why I'm angry. I'm just.. angry. I'm not angry at anyone in particular... I just feel like telling alot of people to go suck it. Maybe this is from the extended winter or from not journaling and finding the humor in life.. I'm not sure.

I logged my weight today and it told me it will take 93 months to reach my goal... seriously.. This is one of those Go suck it moments. Fatsecret?? Go suck it. Suck it good! A loss is a loss no matter how long it took me or how many pretzel m&m's I snuck in there. Or.. how many skipped workouts were in there.. or how many times I grabbed an oreo for me whenever little man asked for one.. ahem. I still lost :)

I work for an easter egg now. I didn't know I worked for him but he seems to think I do. He dresses like an easter egg. I've nicknamed him Eggy. I now have an extremely poor opinion of men who wear pastels to work. I have an especially poor opinion of men who also wear pastel suspenders like Eggy. I want to tell him to go suck it.. instead I now have a craving for hard boiled eggs and a strange sense of satisfaction cracking them open. See?? This right here?? This is not normal!!

I need to find me again. I am not an overly angry slightly destructive woman. I work, play with the kids, play with the cows, milk cows, feed gigantic bottles to baby cows and call them my pets and contemplate if cows can swim. But I'm not me anymore. I'm angry. So if ya'll can handle it I'm going to try to start journaling every day again. Please tell me when I'm angry and unhinged. Tell me to go hug a cow or something. Knit me a fuzzy straight jacket.

17 March 2015

Weigh-in: 186.8 lb lost so far: 4.2 lb still to go: 61.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 0.2 lb a week

18 February 2015

Weigh-in: 187.4 lb lost so far: 3.6 lb still to go: 62.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (2 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 2.5 lb a week

16 February 2015

I want to say I found my groove but I'm afraid I will jinx myself. I did the sugar cleanse thing for a whole week! Sure I was supposed to do it for 28 days but I made it for a whole week. Then I started getting sick.. so I convinced myself I needed orange juice and a chocolate from my son's valentine because.. that's what you need when you're sick. Yup. It is. I said so. It's the antioxidents and vitamin C.. and stuff. You need stuff. I was going to restart this morning but then I had a waffle and a scone. I'm pretty sure those are just forms of donuts so I won't have any more sweets and I will start fresh tomorrow. I wonder how far I will get this time... I could make it 8 days instead of 7! Miracles can happen. They can. I said so.

Food is going pretty well. I'm logging everything with MyFitnessPal which really seems pretty accurate. And it nags me. I need nagging from something I can't give dirty death glares to. Well I can. It just doesn't care. Exercise? Um well.. I did milk cows a few nights last week while hubby was gone and now that he's back I should be able to get back into it. It still isn't the I feel the burn feeling I miss though. I want to struggle to sit. I want my arms to jiggle because they just can't lift anything else. I want it to hurt when I sneeze. Why? Because I'm strange and I'm carting around at least 50 lbs at a time now. I feel weak. I don't want to feel weak. I want to approach stairs holding both boys without thinking. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Or do the one leg up, one leg up.. one leg up.. stair approach because one leg just isn't as strong as the other and the 2.5 yr old has yelled "I'M A BABY" and attached himself while I'm already lugging a child, a car seat, a daiper bag, a pump bag, and a purse.

Hmm.. I need summer to hurry up and get here so I can throw around hay bales outside and attempt to flip a tractor tire. Cute people with lots of muscles flip tractor tires. I saw it in several ads. I think I can do it. Most of the farm is on a hill so I should be able to at least go in one direction. In the meantime I'm going to restart the 28 day squat challenge. I made it to day 5 last time. :) I'm not positive but I'm sensing some sort of theme here.

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