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02 April 2015

Second journal of the day.... Today I'm motivated by screaming thigh muscles. Literally.. screaming. I'm currently resisting the urge to take tylenol because I read it hinders muscle growth. Now I'm wondering where I read that and how accurate I think the information might be. To be honest I don't care what the source was I'm not sure I like muscles at this moment. I need assistance to sit at this point. Why? Because I'm a dairy farmers wife and I think my ability to squat is bionic. You'd think I would learn my lesson by now but I haven't. Yesterday I did 5 sets of 20 rep squats.. so 100 squats. No weights. Yet. I will get to that 100 lb squat sooner or later.. maybe later. Possibly much later. But I will do it.

Plank? I'm at a minute. I can do a minute without muttering curses under my breath. I do however count to 80 in 60 seconds. Apparently counting faster does not actually make the minute pass any faster. Stop watch function on my Iphone? Sucks. So do planks.

Pushups.. I will attempt those today. Maybe. I found myself a muscleless jellyfish after the plank. Literally laying on the floor like a fish out of water. I probably shouldn't have attempted plank #2.. I only lasted 20 seconds. Then I think I said something unpleasant.. before I attempted to get up.. and instead laid on the floor like a muscleless jellyfish.

All in all.. Day 1 was a success! I did things.. I got sore. I worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes. I did squats again today. Granted they weren't as fluid.. or low.. and they were punctuated by the mouth of a sailor. But.. I did them. Because I kick butt well not really.. honestly I don't think I can lift my foot that high anymore.

My biggest fail was late night raiding of the kids leftover pizza and chocolate chip cookies. *sigh* If I could just duct tape my own mouth I would look one of those dairy queen calender girls. yes.. those actually exist. I think it's just an excuse to put attractive women in plaid, paint on some jeans and then throw on some boots.. but they exist. I've seen them. The farm hand made the mistake of putting one of the calenders in the milk house. I can now proudly say we have a bearded dairy queens in magic marker bibs calender in the milk house. :) Never ever ever put a girls of anything calender up near a woman who recently had a child. Bad things happen.

02 April 2015

I'm lacking motivation at the moment. I will have to find some and post a little later today about motivation and sore thighs due to my overly excited squat challenge/progress. For now I need to think outloud... Warning.. this isn't all that funny.

A couple months ago I discovered cash missing from the kids change jar. For the most part it's all pocket change that gets turned in at xmas time We had taken cans to the can return and I got about $15 so I just stuck it in the change jar.. which is actually a gallon glass milk jug with an inch opening on top so it isn't easy to get back out. This is exactly why I stuck it in there. Well it came up missing when the preteen went to her friends house. She tried to claim she only stole $1 when she was caught but she is the only person who could have taken it. So.. strike #1. Grounded for 2 weeks, no electronics, no friends, no phone, etc. Plus she got a talk about trust, how its wrong to steal from your own freaking family, she should have asked if it was something important I would have given her money she didn't have to steal.

Monday I couldn't find $10 from my purse. My daughter asked me for $10 for a jump for heart thing at school but I already donated so I said no more. But she was only $10 short of reaching the next goal. She could get another plastic duckie! Yes.. the prizes for each level is a plastic freaking duck. She already raised $75. I told her she did a great job to be happy with what she already raised. I didn't accuse her of stealing. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Lord knows I could have spent it and not remembered it. Half the time I don't know where my head is. So I casually said. I think I lost $10 have you seen it? She said no.

Today I get a call from her teacher. She just wanted to confirm that I had given my daughter a $100 dollar bill for the jump for heart. The preteen claimed it was her birthday money. Um no.. she spent her birthday money on glitter leggings and ear rings. She has no birthday money and she never had that much money to begin with. The only place she could have gotten it is from my husband. Who I know never gave her $100 for a freaking jump for heart. My daughter is a theif. It breaks my heart. I thought I was a better mother than that. I thought I taught her to be respectful, considerate, honest, and to NOT steal. Apparently the first conversation and consequences not too long ago just didn't matter. She wanted her rubber ducky and she was going to get it regardless of the consequences. Add to it this is her stepdad and their relationship isn't super tight as it is. She's has messed up. ROYALLY.

So what do I do? She's 11. I've taken away the Ipod, Kindlefire, phone, computer, heck her tv, there won't be any more sleepovers, she will get extra barn chores, I will talk till I'm blue in the face and she sits there with a blank look on her face.. None of it did anything last time. Is there something I'm missing here? How do you teach your kid they can't just take things they want when they know its wrong? Everyone says.. well just take everything away from them. How does that teach them? Sure there are consequences but there has always been consequences in our house. Heck its part of the blue in the face speech that I get the blank stare for. Apparently she needs a moment of enlightenment. How do you give an 11 yr old a moment of enlightenment?

Also for the record.. I'm not just falling off the deep end for a couple isolated incidents. She does this with other things that I wouldn't consider a big deal like asking for a donut then eating 4 or using up all the tape and lying about doing it.. its stupid crap but add this too it and it is a big deal.

01 April 2015

They say motivation wears off.. so does showering. That's why they recommend doing it regularly. That's why I'm doing daily motivations to myself. Today's motivation is... tractor jiggle. We aren't a big gigantic corporation. We are a small, stuggling family farm with only about 150 cows and calves combined. The newest tractor is as old as I am so there is no A/C. Not only that the big monster tractors needed to do things like chisel plow have a cab with windows that only open a teeny tiny bit.. and no A/C. On a hot day you'll find yourself half naked drenched in sweat by the end of a field. Soggy undies? Not pleasant. Soggy gigantic panties.. I don't even want to imagine. It can't be good. That much cotton soaking up sweat? Eee Gag! Heck maybe motivation should be soggy sweaty panties. If you get lucky enough to do something that doesn't require alot of horse power then you can get one of the little tractors with no cab... Then you have to deal with tractor jiggle. Fields are not smooth.. old tractors don't drive smoothly. There will be massive jiggling in places you didn't know jiggled. I really don't want to see this amount of jiggle! I also don't want the neighbors to see all this jiggle. No.. just no. So today I'm motivated by the possiblity of giant sweaty panties and tractor jiggle... in public... where people can see me!

I seem to have the eating on track. I'm staying within 1600 calories. Working out.. I could do better. The kids are a huge distraction but I distracted them to the barn last night and stacked hay after doing chores. Still.. not enough. I need to get back to the gym. I want to actually sweat and feel sore. I can't get back to the gym until I stop nursing though... Peanut is 7 months. Still no teeth. I said I would stop when there was teeth. Plus he's a peanut so I'm not inclined to stop just because I want to workout. I suppose this means for the next few months I need to get inventive so today I'm setting goals and rewards for myself. I'll update this as I go. Any suggestions let me know!

Goals:
1. Be able to do 100 pushups without stopping.
2. Be able to squat 100 lbs and still walk the next day.
3. Run a 5K.
4. Master a 5 minute plank.
5. Be able to do a pullup. Without assistance.. or a chair.

31 March 2015

Today's motivation is brought to you by.. chocolate covered nipples. At least they look like chocolate covered nipples. They're some sort of old fashioned cherry cream candy thing that resembles chocolate covered nipples and a co-worker is slowly tempting me with them because I think she wants to see my butt look wider than my office chair. Wait.. Hold on. Yup my butt still fits on the chair so she must want it to get wider and hang over. Anyways about the candies.. They're fabulous! I've probably just eaten my entire calorie count for the entire day by eating two. I will find out shortly after I continue to form my co-workers plot in my head. Sure she seems all nice and sweet offering me candy but really she's evil. Introducing me to new candies and making something that looks so ehhh into something that makes me want to shove them in my mouth like a hampster hoarding nuts? That's just evil. She also fed me brownies made with almonds and dried cherries last week that were a slice of freaking heaven. She's obviously plotting against me! Love her to bits but she's obviously evil. Yup yup. Gotta be. Or she likes hearing me make food sex noises in the next cube. *gasp*

Anyways.. I managed to exercise for 10 minutes last night on the elliptical before the baby turned into a howler monkey and little man became a sugar high monster that I'm not positive but I think he climbed walls. According to the preteen he climbed walls and his head started twirling around as he screamed COOOOOOOOOKIE!!!!!! Then tried to climb into the cabinet to get his own. I had hoped to workout more after the kids feel asleep but they won. By the time they fell asleep I feel asleep. Tonight will be better.. I hope. Still 10 minutes is better than 0 minutes. :) Calories even came in at 1600. At this rate I could succeed! I just have to put up signs that read "don't feed the co-worker" around my cube. It works at zoos. It could work here.

30 March 2015

Today's motivation is brought to you by Crack. Not crack crack butt crack. Which I apparently like to show these days. You know that pair of jeans that fit perfectly, hung kinda low on the hips but was slimming, didn't create a muffin top, and felt great?? Well when you're about 10 lbs over what you were when you purchased them they punish you by showing your butt crack. Ok maybe it's 20 lbs over.. I'm not sure. All I know is my feelin sexy jeans have turned me into an obscene office worker who moons everyone every time the copier runs out of paper.. or when I sit.. or when I drop a stack of papers and I have to bend over or squat in the hallway to pick them up. At a certain point I was contemplating just laying down on the floor with them to pick them up when the breeze from the door went directly down my butt crack. I can't be sure who opened the door.. I decided if I just avoided eye contact then the entire incident didn't happen. So.. today's motivation is Crack.

I've decided I am going to A) Only eat 1500-1600 calories. B)Workout on the elliptical for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week. and C)Squat till I question the meaning of living and discover why so many people who obviously can't still attempt to wear skinny jeans. I'm hoping for a 10 lb drop by the end of April. If I follow this plan.. I can do it. Eventually the squats will eliminate my ability to get food to shove in my pie hole so all in all.. I think this is an excellent plan. I will even throw in some planks and other stuff as I decide how I want to torture myself.

I can do it! Some day I will have my feelin sexy pants back.. that is if I don't stretch them out in some hidious way.. Or tear out the back attempting to pick up anything else. There's at least a 50/50 chance I will have feelin sexy pants back.

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