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11 September 2018

Apparently I love crackers. All things crackers. I didn't find this love of crackers until I told myself I was going to buckle down and really eat clean and eliminate the processed crap from my life. Then my brain said.. Wait!!!! You loooooooove crackers. Especially the fake cheese filled ones. Yup.. You LOOOOOVE those. Eat those. Eat lots and lots of those. I'm still wondering why.... It's not like they are some delicious delicacy that I see and think my life is now complete. Crack Cakes. Crack cakes should be the craving I am having right now. NOT fake cheese crackers with fake cheese and cheesy fakeness. That have DeProteinized Dairy Whey.. what is that?? And if they are taking the protein out of things then why does the box say it has 3g of Protein. Why not leave the protein in the whey and have more than 3g of protein??? Why?? Why is this happening?!?!?!!

Anyways.. I ate my crackers. All of my crackers and now I'm hoping I have that out of my system. The craving that is. The unproteinized dairy whey and other ingredients will probably stick with me till the grave. The plan is to stick to the Ketogenic diet for the next 30 days. Starting tomorrow. Today I had cheese crackers. I wonder if I will last more than 6 hours this time... It's a little iffy. I mean the crackers are gone so my chances have improved but that whole math.. adding.. micros.. not mindlessly throwing things into my mouth. Lets face it I'm not the most dedicated person when it comes to these things.

Wish me luck.. send me duct tape to tape my mouth shut. Any tips, tricks, advice, personal chefs that want to come life with me and my 8 chickens, 3 pigs, 3 goats, 3 kids, 227 cows, and slightly questionable married life? Oh and 3 dogs. I forgot we got a puppy so now we have 3 dogs on top of it all. Puppy is sooooooo cute though. I bet he loves crackers too.

06 September 2018

30 August 2018

Weigh-in: 211.9 lb lost so far: 3.9 lb still to go: 71.9 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 0.7 lb a week

10 August 2018

How does one make friends? This has been the ongoing topic in my life this week. It all started with the cattle show today and the lack of resources to get a calf to the show that didn't involve a 500 lb animal in the back of an Acadia... it wouldn't have gone well. It wouldn't have gone well at all. How is a calf show connected to making friends? Well.. when you ask a person you considered a friend to let your calf ride along with their calf and you volunteer money for gas and the hassle or ice cream at the fair as a thanks and undying gratitude only to be blown off and never answered you realize you may have overestimated your position in that persons life. I then realized that I didn't really have anyone else to ask because well.. all of my friends are in Chicago and I live in CNY. I moved away from my friends and never managed to make friends out here. I tried. They are either too busy or I'm too busy or we don't really connect.

I mentioned this to a friend in Chicago and she has the same problem only all her close friends either moved away or life got too busy for her. So now we are both wondering... how does a grown woman approach another grown woman and say hey do you want to be my friend. Sure we could do this but we are both pretty sure that comes off as somewhat.. questionable. I came up with idea of filling a cart with wine and then approaching them to see if they wanted to be friends but I guess that makes me look desperate.

I'm at a loss. Being a farmer is kind of isolating. You don't socialize, you don't have your friends over for a milking party, and finding people who want poop splatter on them is harder than you would think! Working in the city and living an hour away is also isolating. I don't live near anyone I work with. I can't go out after for a drink or plan something on the weekend because of the kids.

That whole cart of wine thing is looking better and better. As long as it isn't the wine at the little grocery store in town.. that stuff will make you sick as a dog! What do you expect from wine that is only $4.99 in a grocery store the size of 4 car garage? I can't even remember how I made friends as a kid. I think we just randomly asked if you want to come to our house and play with my stuff?!?!?!?! Again.. seems kinda like a man in a van with candy.

Maybe adults don't have friends....

31 July 2018

I got to day 12 of my sugar fast and I fell onto a pecan roll... er face. I fell flat on my face. I spent a day giddy as a kid on a sugar high and now? Now I'm dusting myself off and continuing onward. One mistake doesn't mean disaster. One mistake is a lesson to learn from and go forward with a better understanding of why I fall flat onto pecan rolls.

Life is throwing me curveballs lately. Just when I think I know what my path will be the path zigs or zags and before I know it I'm back in the cow pies. When life appears to take pity on me and offer me hope.. it takes that hope away. I consider myself a pretty simple person. I'm laid back and I don't ask for a lot. At least I didn't think I asked for a lot. Maybe asking for love is a lot. Maybe that whole loving committed decades long romances that stuck together through thick and thin is a kind of unicorn. Maybe that's why we all say AWE.... when we see an old couple holding hands. Anyways.. not to be all depressing and doom and gloom. But I've been thinking and life has been zigging and zagging and taking things from me.

Life gives us cards. It's up to us to determine how we play them. Life has given me amazing kids, a great job, a life in the country with animals that poop a lot and a lot of people only wish they had a lot of pooping animals, everyone is healthy, we have a roof over our heads, and I have enough money in my purse to buy groceries. That story book romance I had hoped for... it's not in my cards right now. Not because there is anything wrong or missing with me.. it's just not meant to be. I think that is the card that I was dealt. I've been given the card of learning who I am, accepting who I am, and growing into myself. I'm not supposed to grow to be what someone wants me to be. I'm not supposed to explore who I am with someone influencing those decisions either directly or because I got self conscious they would see me in my yoga pants.

Maybe if I love and accept myself and I grow into the me I'm supposed to be then maybe the parts that are missing won't seem so bad. You never know when life will throw another card into the mix and you never know if it will be a high card or a low card. If I can say I lived this life as my own authentic self.. then I think I will win regardless. Even if there is no hand holding when I'm old and wrinkled.

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