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26 March 2015

I came up with the perfect easter plan! Shoes!!! After my boss attempted to make me question my reasons for living, a teleconference with a CEO who forgot he was holding a mic, and then the boss making me question her sanity.. the co-worker and I went to the mall for lunch. And bought.. shoes! The preteen had been eyeballing a pair of gym shoes that were on clearance.. apparently she is the only one that sees seafoam blue and pink neon as attractive. Little man.. a pair of boots with laces and a zipper. He could zip them.. or he could tie them. He will probably want to tie them and ultimately lose the laces but he will get boots just like daddies only with a convenient I'm a child and my mom hates to tie my shoes zipper! I have now successfully filled 75% of their basket without any candy whatsoever. Woohoo.. it seems wrong on so many levels but they out number me, they're faster, I think sugar somehow possesses them and now it can't tempt me as much.

Now all I have to do is wait for the mud to disappear a little bit and I can start that 5K training app. I thought about it but the only place I really have to run where a dog won't chase me or cars can see me is down on the flat behind the barn. I figure this is 5k/hazard training. Plus.. hubby is spreading manure upwind at the moment so that should make me run faster to get away from the stench. That's my plan. Manure stink motivation and a mudslick trail of a road to maneuver. And.. the absolutely brilliant part of it all??? The barn will hide me from any neighbors or anyone just driving by. Because well.. I don't feel like jiggling in front of people plus I have a fear that the small town everyone knows everything about everyone talk will turn to the jiggle of my butt. It could happen.. you'd be amazed at what these people will talk about on a slow day.

25 March 2015

Today has been a good day. I've managed to eat halfway decent. I had a teeny tiny brownie made from heaven. Seriously.. I hae no idea how the thing was made or what was in it but it was a teeny tiny bite of heaven. Compared to it nothing can equal it's magnificent. Now.. so long as my co-worker doesn't get the recipe from her daughter in law.. I will be safe. Upon eating the tiny piece of chocolate heaven my coworker asked me.. "Who needs spandex anyways?" To which I had no reply. Later I thought.. I DO! Ok I really don't.. but I want it to be an option. Not just because I want to smooth out the rolls under my clothes either. I want to feel confident enough to wear a bright pink freakin suit of spandex.. then choose not to because well.. I'm still somewhat sane. So today my inspiration is spandex that I will never wear because that's rational. I think.

I think today will be Day 1 of my 30 day commitment to getting rid of the 180's because well.. I still have 550 calories left and it's 4:11. I'm pretty sure I can succeed. Now if I only had 100 calories left I would have said I will start tomorrow. If I fail tomorrow then today was just practice. Yup yup. I'm going to go google spandex now. I'm pretty sure my results will be 50/50.. they will either inspire me or scare me back in line.

Update.. or I will find THIS and rethink my views on spandex all together. Still can't pull it off and I need one for a girl.. but it will be an option some day.

24 March 2015

I need to figure out a way to get myself back into gear. There was a time when I had my butt in gear. I kept working out, logging food, journaling and I did this.. every day. I made progress. I made it all the way down to 150 lbs! Then I got pregnant again which now has me with multiple children all of which seem to want to kill one another. Except the baby.. he silently watches everyone and plans his escape. He's no longer happy in anything confining. He wants to army crawl/roll to freedom. I can't blame him. Half the time I want to follow him. Especially when the preteen teaches little man to do things like.. use his toy power tools as a weapon. You can see where this is going right? Not even two minutes later.. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM He HIT ME!! No crap sherlock. You taught him the cute little battery operated drill was also a toy light saber! How I have no clue. I don't really want to know. This could be bad parenting but I've decided it's also teaching them survival.. and how to duck.

Anyways.. I did this once. I saw over the weekend where a mother and daughter made a 100 day commitment to working out every day. Which.. is great but my big thing is eating. I can workout. I can eat right. I can also eat alot of the right things. I can eat all the right things then suddenly find an empty twix wrapper in front of me. Animal crackers! These aren't so bad. I will get a handful and before I know it I think they run away. I don't remember eating them but they will be gone. Then I want more of them because I'm not entirely sure where the first handful went. Sure all the proof seems to point to me eating them but does it count if I don't remember eating them? Right now that answer depend on who is attempting to kill who with what or which jerk I'm dealing with at work.

This is bad. This is why I'm trapped at the 180s. I need to get out of the 180s. The 180s suck monkey butt. I have visited them long enough. I want out!!! of my fat pants.. So watching this chicky and her daughter pledge to 100 days of working out has me thinking.. Do I start a 30 day challenge to myself titled.. Stop sabatoging yourself with animal crackers, twixs, coffee ice cream, oreos, and Jimmy Johns? Do I share this challenge with others even though easter is just about here? Maybe I should start it after easter. I can practice until then. I can only purchase the kids candy I'm not tempted by. I can fill their baskets with more weapons like jump ropes and hoola hoops and things that require them to go outside to kill one another. One things for sure.. I now know that things I never thought of as dangerous are now known weapons of mass destruction. Like foam balls.. apparently foam balls are hazardous. *smacking head*

20 March 2015

I won the mommy of the year award today! Woohoo! Ok not really. Little man is becoming slightly more independent and he has some strange aversion to going out any door on his side of the jeep. He would much rather crawl through the front seat and go out the passenger side or spalunk under his brothers carseat to get out his door.. whatever. This morning he was contemplating his choices when he spotted my stash of animal crackers in a zip lock baggy sticking out of my purse. It would have been my breakfast because we got up at 6:38 instead of 5:38. Luckily after getting ready for his day in the barn hubby decided to finally ask. "Hey! You going to work today?" To which I replied. "Do I have to? Did we hit it rich and I can stay home from the corporate crapshoot?" Anyways.. the kid stole my crackers.

I get back in the car and start my drive then discover one of my vitamins is missing. You know the fishy oil one that kinda resembles a gummy treat but gives you fish burps all day? Yeah that one. I didn't have time to take them at home so I grabbed them to take with my morning coffee at work. Flash back to little man fishing around in the front seat for my crackers which were right next to the pill. So I had to call the sitter and leave this message.. "Hey.. yeah.. Have you noticed if little man has any drugs with him? It's not a serious drug just a prenatal vitamin. If he does it's ok because once he eats it he will make horrible OMG what is that noises and faces. Come to think of it he may poop more easily too but it may smell like fish. So if you find it there let me know otherwise I will keep looking here. K! Thanks!" Luckily I did find it.. so next I could call her and when she actually did answer I could tell her. Oooh by the way.. peanut might have some prozac in his onsie.. it's ok though... It's a good thing she has a sense of humor. I've only had 4 hours of sleep so my sense of humor is questionable.

Ok it's survey time. I'm starting a new book that seems to collide pretty close to my life. Is it ok to model a character after a co-worker? I mean.. there's a chance she won't read it. If she does read it there is a chance she won't realize the cube lurking, shuffling, strange noise making cube dwelling co-worker is her.. How? I have no clue but it could happen. Love her to pieces but a character needs to be formed using her as inspiration. The temptation is it too strong. It's like the red stapler guy in the movie Office Space. I could write under another name.. still most of the things she does I'm pretty sure are uniquely her.

I also have to start one of those couch to 5K programs... for research and such. Plus I like to put myself through the actual torture for inspiration. How else can you learn things about butt crack chaffing and other strange side affects associated with fitness? Any suggestions on a program or an app or things you think I should avoid that I probably won't just because I'm programmed like that? It's the equivalent of telling a kid don't touch that.. or watching a friend drink something horrible then have them tell you that you have to try it even though they just made that horrible face in front of you but you still try it because you know it involves alcohol.. yeah its like that. I forgot where I was going with this. I think it's nap time though. Hopefully the space bar on my keyboard doesn't leave an imprint this time.

19 March 2015

I attempted positivity again today and... I got puke in my hair. I think that sums up the day so far quite well. Little man crawled into bed with us around 4am.. then at 4:30 he snuggled up to my back... then at 4:42 I could hear his sweet little voice "Momma?".. Then at 4:42 and a half.. I got puke in my hair. It's ok though.. at 4:52 when we thought he was ok and the sheets were changed and everyone was wondering do we crawl back in or just get up? He got puke on his dad too. At 6:02.. he demanded a waffle. At 6:23 the waffle was gone and he wanted candy. At 6:24 there was a tantrum.. we all yelled. I yelled No he yelled yes and Peanut (we have nicknamed the baby peanut because he is one) just yelled because he thinks this is the way people communicate. At 6:53 I was being challenged to battle with the padded baseball bat because it's the only one allowed in the house and because it's the closest thing we have to a light saber. Don't ask.. Star War Rebels is apparently a big thing in toddler world. At least my toddler. This was when I decided I was going to work after all and daddy and little man were having a bonding day.

Miracles happened at that point. I took a shower.. in the morning! Sure I was being blasted by the light saber through the shower curtain and peanut was hollaring AYAYAYAYAYAYA PFFFFFT but.. I showered. This usually happens late at night once everyone is in bed but I did it! I also discovered.. I can avoid a flying shower curtain attempting to stick to my butt and I can shower in under 2 minutes. Next.. I dropped Peanut off at the sitter because there is no way hubby can handle 2 of our spawn and I picked up coffee and a healthy breakfast. No donut. Just a breakfast wrap. Steak and green beens for lunch.. It's 3:30 and I still have 593 calories left for the day! That NEVER happens. Usually I'm down to 100 or 200 at this point and I'm on the elliptical at night with a baby attempting to reset the program or grab my water bottle.. or disrobe me.. or just slobbering all over me as he yells AYAYAYAYAYAYA until I can almost match what I just ate at dinner. I never make it because someone wants X,Y,or Z or Peanut decides to pinch the underside of my arm as he gives me cute little bubble slobber face smiles.

Today is a good day. :) If I can start my day out with puke in my hair, a sudden desire to do laundry at 5am and children who only have outdoor voices as they play a game of lets make the shower curtain stick to moms butt then I can make any day a positive day. It helps I went into work 2 hours late. It also helps my co-worker fed me obscene animal crackers. The elephants should NOT be stuck together in that way. And the giraffe should not shove the one legged bear up his butt. It's just wrong. It's tasty.. but wrong.

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