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13 April 2015

Today's motivation is my challenge! If you haven't joined it yet then you need to join DairyFarmersWife Madness.. or something like that. It's a challenge with a picture of a cow. That should narrow it down. I woke up this morning with a massive headache so the details are little hazy and I refuse to look because my head is still throbbing. Why is my head throbbing? No clue. Please make it stop now.

So following the nose picker theory my challenge should put me right on track and keep me there for at least 28 days because like nose picking you're less likely to do things you shouldn't be doing if people are watching you. So eating clean, exercising, not cursing, and not picking my nose are all things I'm going to do and if I slip I expect everyone to catch me and call me out. Possibly give me that OMG what are you doing look that I gave the guy hunting for gold this morning. I swear there isn't a single day that goes by that I don't catch someone picking their nose during my commute. Maybe it's because I'm looking for it. Maybe it's because they only have one hand on the steering wheel and they think they need something else to do. No clue.

So far it's 10:50 and I haven't cursed, the only questionable item was the sugar I had was in my coffee because I'm not going through caffine and sugar withdrawl without cursing. Plus.. I can't go the artificial sweetner route. I just can't. I eliminated them so long ago that they taste horrible and wrong. Plus I really don't believe in them after doing the research. I did limit myself to only 3 little packets instead of the standard fistful. Plus it's natural. I said I was going natural. No processed crap. Except my 3 teeny tiny packets. Which did come from a plant. So.. I'm not counting this as a fail. If I go for a twix bar in 20 minutes then that can be a fail.

I'm going to go drool on my desk now. Maybe the cold keyboard and paperclips will make my head feel better.

10 April 2015

Todays motivation is Snot. Everyone in the house has gone through a horrible cold but me. Because well.. I'm superwoman and no cold could possibly touch me. I'm just that fit and healthy.. germs run from me! Ok apparently not because between the scented woman at work and the kids wiping snot on various parts of my body I think I'm catching the horrible cold.. or I've been permanently damaged by the overly fragrant woman at work and this is the start of the end. Whatever it is I have that taste in the back of my throat that yells "OH CRAP"! Because well.. a sick mom is basically a sign of weakness to tiny humans and before you know it the 3 yr old is walking on the countertop in the kitchen yelling "Here cookie cookie!" Not that.. well.. that didn't happen last time I was sick. Not my angel. It was probably just a snot induced dream.

So in order to head off this cold before the house implodes, laundry magically triples, and kids develop odd chocolate mustaches from whatever junk they found while I was slowly dying on the couch.. I need to clean up my act asap if I have any hope of survival. Just another reason to eliminate the crap from my diet, take a walk at lunchtime, and drink plenty of water.. oh and develop a love affair with those little vitamin C drops. Which.. really don't go with coffee. Small fact I just discovered. Oh Ugh.. BLAH.. PLUEY PLUEY. ACK!!! Ok my love affair is delayed. The coffee is too important to allow it to get cold.

In other news.. Workouts are good, eating could use some tiny tweaking but it's not horrible, and I'm listening to a new podcast on being a self aware parent so the preteen may actually live to become a teen. Maybe.. It all depends on what she does next and my ability to feel empathy and put myself in her shoes. Which.. are my shoes because she keeps stealing them. Today she is supposed to come up with a list of things she thinks she can do for chores to earn an allowance after her prison sentance is up. So well.. she won't be a deadbeat and maybe she will learn to manage money that is hers instead of stealing money from her stepdad which results in barn chores and an upclose personal relationship with manure. On the bright side.. the calf pens have never looked cleaner and all my little babies are happy.. and cute.. and cuddly.. and running around with the cows because she keeps accidently setting them free.

09 April 2015

Yesterday sucked monkey butt. So today's motivation is to not suck monkey butt. Ever have one of those days where you get this feeling when you get up that you should crawl back into bed then the entire day you wish you had done exactly that? That was yesterday. From taking the long way to work because a row of idiots weren't allowing traffic to merge to get on the interstate, to a tenant who seems to only be happy being unhappy and stressing over every little thing, and a boss who suddenly has an issue with everything and everyone... Stick a fork in me. Everyone needed to be heavily medicated or put in timeout. Holy snowballs. Then a co-worker brought me sausage bisquits and gravy.. and food snowballed from there. She even bought me a brownie at lunchtime. Although I failed at food I did get 5 good pushups in 5 sets of 20 squats, a 1 minute plank, barn chores, and 20 minutes on the elliptical.

Today is a new day. Today will not suck monkey butt. I refuse to let it suck monkey butt. I will eat right. Sure I found half an almond joy in my desk from some day when I had actual self restraint. I don't know what day it was. I completely forgot about it because days of self restraint are far and few but it's there and its yelling "EAT ME" but I'm not going to. Sure I'm about to sell my first born for chocolate but I won't. And sure.. the almond joy looks all cute and innocent and really coconut is a natural item.. and almonds. Almonds are good for me. The chocolate layer is thin.. there probably isn't that much chocolate on it. There is more coconut and almond than chocolate so really the benefits of them outway the milk chocolate. I'm sure it doesn't have nearly as much sugar as I think it does. It's probably just as healthy as a salad. If I thought I had self control to pull it out of my desk and read the nutritional data I would probably find out it was a perfectly acceptable diet item. I don't have self control though so I'm leaving it in my desk and letting it taunt me. I'm even trying to trick myself into believing this will make me a stronger person if I can just avoid the candy bar. I'll show that candy bar whose boss!

Update... We have a coworker who is nice and slightly odd. She is sweet though and she tries. Since last week she has started wearing something that smells like a chemical plant/lavender product. It is slowly getting stronger each day. Today she came into my cube and I literally started crying, my throat hurts, I can't breath.. it's horrible. But she's sensitive so I needed to figure out how to politely tell her.. YOU'RE KILLING ME. So I asked her.. "Did you start wearing a new hand lotion or something? Someone here seems to be wearing something new and I think I'm allergic to it." She flat out denied it. But the thing is.. it's obviously her. A cloud is starting to form around her. My head is about to split open because my sinuses can't take it. I'm not positive but I think she's just declared chemical warefare on the rest of us. Everyone can smell it but I'm obviously allergic to whatever it is. She won't stop visiting me!!! She keeps asking how I'm doing. BADLY. I'm doing badly!!! Go AWAY!! But she's sensitive so I can't say that. Instead I chucked the candy bar at her head because it seemed like the most polite way to say leave me alone. Viola! Two problems solved. I hope. At least one is solved. The other might come back to see how I'm doing.

07 April 2015

Today's motivation is brought to you by broccoli farts. Ok not really. I've had a veggie omlette two days in a row now and all I smell is broccoli farts so I have broccoli farts on the brain today. I can now say for the first time ever.. I woke up my husband last night with.. a broccoli fart. Man snores like a chainsaw and my one teeny tiny silent fart woke him up.. ok it wasn't teeny or tiny but I thought it would be but then it turned out to be as loud as a freaking bullhorn. Luckily he refuses to eat broccoli so he didnt put the two together and I pretended to still be asleep. I blame the dogs.. or the small humans. They had both given up on their own beds to climb into ours at that point. So.. it was a toddler, baby, boxer, and lab sonic boom.. that smelled of broccoli. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

I swore to do a sugar fast for 30 days yesterday and I was doing soooo good! I had a veggie omlete, leftover steak for lunch, baked chicken in a salad for dinner, some slightly odd looking colored hard boiled eggs and a piece of cheese for snack, a small serving of blueberries because the lack of carbs was making me light headed.. I was doing AMAZING. Then somehow I was on my way to the kitchen and one of those malted milk robbins eggs jumped into my mouth. Out of nowhere.. literally jumped in. Ok.. I threw it in the air to see if I could catch it in my mouth and I did. I was so proud of myself 5 more of his friends followed. So.. sugar fast. Fail. I will start again today though. Yesterday was apparently just a practice day. Plus the farmhand took the night off and I had to milk cows, wrangle kids, watch the wrangled kids throw tantrums because they were tired of looking at cow butts, watch the preteen in full makeup do barn chores with attitude because she's grounded working off $100 which is like.. totally.. unfair. None of her friends have to do this stuff!!!! HEhehehehehe Lucky her she lives on a diary farm. Lucky me I can say that's a load of BS!! Now go shovel some of it. Which she did.. and it took her 10 times longer than a normal human being. Why do I tell you all this? Because by 9 pm I was exhausted physically and emotionally and people were still whining so I ate a freaking egg and it was good and I told myself I earned it. Moral of the story.. stop rewarding self with candy. Reward self with silence or shoes or a steak. So if I make it through 30 days without processed sugar I'm taking myself out to a steak lunch, by myself, on my way to buy shoes. And I'm going to enjoy every minute of it without guilt. Yup.. only 30 measly little days. I can do it.

So.. todays motivation is.. I have no freaking clue. I think it's a steak lunch. Or maybe it's shoes. Maybe it's just taking the time to reward myself instead of leaving the shoe store with shoes for everyone but me. No wait.. I've got it!!! It's the power of the broccoli fart! By eating right I now have a secret weapon! I'm going to go crop dust the cube farm now because well.. I forgot my earbuds and I'm tired of people talking about going to get new bikinis. Maybe this will allow me to lose 2 more lbs. I have a theory that broccoli farts weigh at least 2 lbs. Because well.. That's about what I lost after the sonic boom incident.

07 April 2015

Weigh-in: 185.7 lb lost so far: 5.3 lb still to go: 60.7 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (10 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 1.2 lb a week

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