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02 June 2016

Journaling from my phone so expect lots of typos and cursing. I'm back under 205! Yay!!! It's a small victory since I just gained the weight but I'm going to take it and celebrate. I'm on day 3 of the low carb style of living and I don't want to jinx myself but it seems easier this time. Maybe it's my realization that it's all down hill from here so I better be happy with what I've got before I find something else to obsess about. Seriously I wore a tank top dress to work. If I waved to anyone I probably jiggled and..... Lots of people jiggle I'm not all that special or perfect. Heaven knows I'm far from perfect. I am going to accept my jiggle, my bruised shins, funky zombie toe (don't ask), and the fact that the boys probably smeared something on me. I just hope it isn't chocolate on my bum. This might be what they say when they say to be kind to yourself. Me?? I assume this means I'm getting more mature and I'm too busy to pick up all the marbles I just lost. Bliss is losing your marbles I recommend it.

Today's motivation is feet. Yes feet. When you milk cows in muck boots that are a tad too big then paint a barn in flip flops you end up hobbling around like someone in need of a walker. Sure it was probably the shoes but the extra weight didn't help. It's either lose the weight and buy cute work boots... Or start googling for glittered covered tennis balls for the feet of my walker. Since the dogs would likely attack the walker for the tennis balls I decided to go with weight loss and am googling bedazzled barn boots.
Weigh-in: 204.5 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 79.5 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (10 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 1.5 lb a week

25 May 2016

It's time to own it! Weight is up a bit. I'm doing poorly when it comes to well.. just about everything. Time and being prepared is kicking my patoot. Running 4 nights a week for practices, chores, and general meyham have turned us into a convenient food type of family. Convenient food isn't really the best. Neither is filling up on chips and dip while you wait for the convenient food because you were too busy to eat dinner until 8:30 or 9:00 at night. It should get easier with only 4 more weeks of school and 3 more weeks of soccer. But then softball kicks in.. *smacking head*

Still.. I'm determined. I'm logging food. I'm wearing my lil purple fitbit they say doesn't monitor worth a poop. I'm usually on the good side of calories eaten vs. calories burned. I'm kind of surprised I'm not down but there is other stuff going on like carbage and hormones and salt and my scale hates me. I'm going to lose the weight though. I said so. Come plank or squat or salad or the idea I should take up running?? I'm going to do it. I'm going to turn into that girl Kacy Catanzaro from America Ninja Warrior. Yes.. I want to be a tiny powerhouse. That's my goal.. to be a tiny powerhouse. With muscles.. and the ability to randomly flex and show actual muscle and not just fat jiggle. Not steroid level but.. yup she could kick your patoot level.

Today's motivation is.. a book called put your big girl panties on. It's a fiction book about a girl that loses weight and ends up with her too good for her trainer.. overall the book is eh.. there are a ton of smutty parts which is all fine and good until you realize you're listening to an audio book.. and its warm out.. you're stuck in traffic in the middle of town.. and you're windows are down.. and the guy in the suv next to your suv is watching you in horror the word "Plung" keeps popping up over and over and over and over again. To which all you can do is turn the volumn down and point to the row of various sized empty child seats behind you and shrug. And.. hope the light changes in case he decides to respond.

So in summary.. doing badly.. listening to motivational smut.. and setting goals for myself that well.. if I put a picture of me next to a picture of what I want to be you could probably label them as Zero-Discipline and Focus to Ultra-Discipline and Super-Focus. OR!!! Hot Mess vs.. Girl who has her crap together, never had 3 kids, is probably a professional athlete. Go big or go home right?? It's good to have dreams. I think. Maybe I'm just delusional. Either could be true at this point.
Weigh-in: 206.2 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 81.2 lb Diet followed poorly
   (6 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   gaining 1.6 lb a week

11 May 2016

I think my scale is broken. All week long it has been slowly creeping up. I've moved it, jumped on it, reweighed 10 or 15 times.. it didn't matter. It kept creeping up. I kind of expected it to creep up because it's the part of the month that makes me question why chocolate isn't a food group of it's own. This morning the furnace went out.. I weigh 202.9. Maybe the mercury in the scale froze. Granted it was still 68 degrees in the house but still.

I'm on day 5 of eliminating sugar from my diet. People say it gets easier over time. Those people are full of poop. If anything each day is worse than the previous day. Pfft.. easier over time my butt. I thought maybe it was the processed carbs in my diet so I eliminated them for the most part too. Now it's about 10 times worse because I'm drooling on the bun I can't eat and justifying I deserve the latte because I didn't eat the bun! Then again if I go to get the latte I will more than likely add the donut because when you get them together you get a discount. Yup. So.. no sugar, no processed carbs, no sanity, and yes completely uncomprehendable rants because um.. I think it's a withdrawl thing. Or maybe I'm just nuts.

So onward and downward and licking candy in the candy bowl still counts.. even if you put it back after you lick it.
Weigh-in: 202.9 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 77.9 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (9 comments) on diet DairyFarmersWife's own diet   losing 1.4 lb a week

09 May 2016

I started a grateful diary. It's a cute little black leather bound diary I used to write all the things that were pissing me off in because the only time I ever felt like writing in a diary is when I was pissed off. I took all the negative pages and shredded them.. then burned them.. then used the ashes as compost. Now I have a diary that I write down what I am grateful for every night before bed. It's part of my healthcare challenges I signed up for at work. I don't have to show it to anyone BUT now I can leave it around and know that if my husband finds it he won't see endless rants filled with curse words about something he or someone else did that peed me right off. Plus.. knowing you have to write something you're grateful for even during a suckage filled day makes you remember the good parts that weren't covered in poop. So yup.. positivity. Like today I'm grateful the kids got up on their own and I only had to wrestle pants onto one of them. Oh and aggressive hugs. I love aggressive hugs. For some reason Peanut has become an aggressive hugger. He grunts, gives you a bear hug, looks at you like he is trying to kill you, then gives you a loud smacking kiss. No clue where he got it but I like his determination. He will love you darn it!! He will love you good!!

My other goals were no sugar for a month.. which I'm on day 3 off and I've only been tempted to cheat 50 times today.. but I haven't. I haven't given up carbs yet. Just sugar. I'm pretty sure if I gave up the two it would be 10 times easier but... eh.. I'm being slightly lazy. I will tackle that next. Other goal.. uh... I have a 3rd goal. Huh.. I wonder what it is. I hope it isn't remembering things. Oh wait! tracking food.. yup.. uh.. crap I have to do that. I have for 2 days in a row. Now I just have to remember what I ate all day. crap. poop.

Today I am grateful for selective memory :) and a slightly questionable logging of food. There wasn't any sugar in it.. that's something darn it!

05 May 2016

How fattening do you think Utica greens are? It's apparently an upstate ny thing because I never heard of them before I moved here. If you haven't tried them... DON'T. Holy addition. If I knew how to make them I would eat them every day and probably gain 100 lbs. Unless they are good for me.. I'm really not positive. It is a green after all.

Wednesday weigh in was 204.1.. I'm slowly going down despite feeling like someone stuck me in a blender and took me for a ride. Not physically.. just emotionally. The boys sitter gave me a weeks notice. She will watch all of her part time kids still but doesn't want my full time kids. I don't know anyone else who watches kids. I am so overwhelmed with fear and I feel like I've let my kids down. One of the reasons she gave was they are there for 10 hours and she's exhausted at the end of the day. I work 8.5 and travel 1.5 a day if there aren't any accidents. I'm an absentee mom for most of my kids day and their 2nd mom just decided she didn't want them. Jeezus.... I have to do what I have to do to provide us with money, insurance, diapers, and food but.. there is always a but. I feel like I've failed them. I only hope I can find something somewhere that they will love that doesn't turn out to be the nightmare of the last sitter they had.

Oh and the farm lost 40 acres.. oh and I had to have two cavities filled and my mouth still hurts.. oh and the preteen started soccer that requires rides back and forth 4 days a week and it's planting season.. I should really figure out how to make Utica greens.

I'm gonna go suck my thumb now.

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