As a very young girl I was tall as a corn stalk and just as thin. When I was about 5 or 6 I started putting on weight extremely rapidly. Despite countless doctors visits, they were unable to determine the extreme weight gain. Eventually they figured I was healthy and there was no reason to worry.

I have spent basically my entire life as a big girl. About the age of 14 or so I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. After being put on medication my weight dropped 50 lbs in one year without me doing anything different. Once I left for college, I actually lost more weight! By the end of my freshman year in college I was feeling great. I was wearing size 16 pants, and if I would have lost 10-15 more pounds I would have easily been in a size 14. This was huge for me. I couldn't remember the last time I had worn that size. For the first time in my life I felt happy and sexy.

My sophomore year of college I started dating my ex. I moved in with him the summer between my sophomore year and junior year of college. Our relationship was extremely rocky. I recently realized that I was in an abusive relationship. Not a physically abusive relationship, but an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship.

During our almost 3 year relationship I put back on... basically all the weight I had lost. I was miserable, depressed and broken down. My self esteem was non existent and I felt as though I didn't matter to anyone.

I had no where to go, so I was forced to stay with him until recently. I was finally finished with college and able to move away from my school. I have since gotten away from my abuser, but the scars still linger.

I still have no self esteem. I still feel like a giant whale. I still feel useless. But I know it's time to change things. Over the last couple of months I managed to lose 10-15 lbs despite the fact that I was still with him. Now that I am on my own I know I can do this. It's time I'm happy with myself again.