First, let me say that I'm so sorry for your losses. Those are very difficult situations to deal with. Here's something to think about: When you look at the food you are about to consume what do you see? I realized early on that I was often using food as a pacifer and a comforter and that was always going to get me in trouble if I continued. I started telling myself that my food is my fuel and got into the habit of asking myself if that next mouthfull was intended to benefit my body or sooth my emotions. It was tough going for a while but I kept at it and guilt eventually helped me make better choices. There are other ways to find emotional comfort and I think women, especially, are trained to put those options aside in favor of always taking care of someone else.
Having said that, I still find I crave a satisfiying crunch and have filled that void with pretzels. I still have to put the brakes on even those, but if I portion out a serving in a small bowl it is easeir to control.
This journey for me has been all about getting the most filling nutrition and finding ways to dump the bad habits, excuses and empty calories. I hope you find a foothold. It only takes one small success to motivate you on to bigger ones.
I wish you the very best!
I am not on a diet - I have changed the way I eat.