kingkeld's Journal, 15 March 2012

I slept better last night, though not great, and I'm kinda stressed over work today. I have a lot to do, it's a long day and I have rockin' with the kids tonight. This might be fun time, but it is still gonna make it a SUPER long day, and I am not mentally in the right place for that.

Several nights with lack of sleep, and sort of an uneasy night last night makes me tired from the get-go. This sucks, but at least the weekend is just around the corner. Wife and I are agreeing that this weekend will have NO plans whatsoever, and nothing except for what we feel like doing in the moment.

We might go out, we might not. This is what I need, I think.

Today I have several meetings, and papers that need to be finished. Trouble is, I can't start on them until in the afternoon, as I simply don't have the information that I need for me to do them. There is no way of preparing until it's almost too late. :(

It'll be done, one way or the other - and that's gonna have to be what it is. Nothing more I can do about it.

Man, I hate stressing over work.

I have re-organized my calender for next week. I have ONE interview that I really don't want to move through the first three days. Then one day with a few things, and then Friday off. Nice. I think I need a long weekend.

I can really tell how stress is affecting me these days. Work is getting harder, it's harder to focus on both work and weight loss, and it's even harder when I can't sleep at night.

My buddy davidsmom actually came with a good idea. She mentioned in a comment that she sings "99 bottles of beer on the wall" in her head when she can't sleep. This is a brilliant idea, and it actually works. I tried it last night, and it helped me go back to sleep. For once I did NOT get up and get on my bike, but managed to get another 30 minutes of sleep before it was time to get up.

What davidsmom does is a kind of mindfulness. While it might not be staying in the moment as such - like it is when you 100% focus on your breathing and your body - it is still a way to occupy your mind in the moment with things that are not related to past or future, which is where most of our worries lie. By humming the song, you do something mundane, but since you do the beer countdown in the lyrics, you can't just wing it. You have to focus on what you're doing. In the beginning I had trouble remembering the numbers, maybe simply because I was dozing off. I'd just start over, and it seemed to work. Thanks, davidsmom!

Like I said, I did NOT get on the bike today. I won't, at all, do exercise. I feel that I am so low on energy today that I need all I have. I'm not sure if I am low because of stress, lack of sleep, too much exercise (I doubt it) or low calorie intake compared to calorie burn. However, fact is that I feel drained.

My weight is pretty much stable, though I'm higher than my lowest weigh-in last Saturday. I won't make it down there again this week, but that's okay. I don't need to. I just find it interesting that I keep climbing up. It's not fat gains, I know that, but more the heavy foods we've had for dinner. I've dug a little too much into the desserts, though they are home made and much better on the calories. I don't really want to dig in like that, but they are a comfort when I stress. When things go crazy I crave chocolate at work, and I'm glad I can't go get any. Suits me fine. :) If I could, I'd probably be buying all the time.

The ice cream I did last night was not as good as the last portion. We were low on low fat cream, so I put more milk than cream this time. It came out more "crystallized" and less creamy. Not too good. The flavor is great though. Essentially, it's milk, cream, cocoa powder and artificial sweetener. Not too bad. Cream is 4% fat, by the way, not the crazy 38%. It works fine. Yesterday I added a couple of scoops of instant coffee (decaf!), and it gave it a nice choco-mocha flavor. I like it, except for the consistency. I'll try again one of these days, when I feel like it.

I do wanna take a little break from it a few days. Maybe for Indulgence Day. Today's dessert, if I want it, is gonna be sugar free jell-o. The whole thing is 20 calories, I think I can spare that. :)

So, busy day today. I'll survive. It's not first time, and most likely not last.

Today I am thankful for:
- The best wife in the world. She's so supportive, and handles me well when I stress.
- Spending morning time with said Wife.
- Beth Hart Live on DVD.
- Morning coffee.

Have a great day, friends. I hope you find peace and quiet through your day. I hope I do also. Life is good!
173.9 lb Lost so far: 167.8 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 15 March 2012:
1816 kcal Fat: 52.19g | Prot: 96.58g | Carb: 248.21g.   Breakfast: Egg, Rye Bread, Gouda Cheese, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). Lunch: Carrots, White Potatoes (Flesh and Skin), gronlangkaal, hamburgerryg. Dinner: hamburgerryg, Rye Bread. Snacks/Other: Jell-o gelatin, Bananas, Oranges, Milk Chocolate Candies, Free Laekkerbar. more...
2918 kcal Activities & Exercise: Music playing - 2 hours, Desk Work - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Sitting - 1 hour and 50 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 40 minutes, Standing - 4 hours. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet  

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Comments 
Hang in there King. 90% of the battle is showing up. Sounds like you have a good grip on it all to me. It is great how we do have a one-track mind. Singing 99 bottles sounds good, might make me thirsty though. lol. I was in your shoes for the past 2 weeks at work, luckily its all over now.  
15 Mar 12 by member: posterchild66
What a good tip Davidsmom gave you - great that it worked. Hope today isn't too stressful... You sound like you need a break from the exercise - although I also soundslike it is "mental" tiredeness... a good holiday and good weather. Re the ice cream - have you tried low fat Greek yoghurt in it.... That's lovely and creamy :-) 
15 Mar 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Everyone has some time where you don't feel just up to enough, maybe you are stressing, maybe it's the trend of lack of sleep, maybe it is what you eat? BUT - you will get through it. It always passes. Sounds like your idea for the weekend is a good one, and I am betting you will have a better start to your week next week because of that! As for not exercising today?! I think that is only gonna contribute to your tiredness! Good luck either way, I enjoy your journals !  
15 Mar 12 by member: Manda_k
Breathe deeply - the weekend will be here before you know it!!! ;) 
15 Mar 12 by member: jsfantome
SkInny - I have considered Greek Yoghurt, however it has (from what I remember) a "sour" taste, just like regular yoghurt, that is just weird with a chocolate flavor mixed in. My ice creams are strictly chocolate. :) 
15 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
Manda_k - my decision to NOT exercise is based on the fact that I feel exhausted, and I really want to keep my energy for the day ahead. I will do extra "exercise" by walking to my 2nd job (a total of about 25 minutes), and playing guitar for a couple of hours. Who knows, I might get on the bike to wear myself out, then it's a whole different game. :) Thanks for caring - as always I appreciate any input and comment. They're all valued and considered. Always.  
15 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
Hey Kingkeld, I have been thinking about your sleeping issues. I don't know what your evenings are like. But I have found that if I watch a lot of television or movies straight before bed I have trouble sleeping. Maybe try (for a while) to have an evening( or just an hour or so before bed) of quiet time. You could read something relaxing or (LOL) sit in a warm bath.....or like I like to do have some meditation time to let things go that I cannot change or am stressed about. Just thinking of you:) 
15 Mar 12 by member: calannapy
Wow, Keld. A lot going on in your world. Hoping for more rest, more energy and way less stress for you. Have a blessed day.  
15 Mar 12 by member: Helewis
I looked at your journal and this lastet round of sleep problems coensides with the new of your surgery, are you sure you are not stressing over this? even the anticipation and excitement of going through susc a big event will make your subcousious churn and cause sleeplessness... I dont know but maybe?? 
15 Mar 12 by member: Carolyn Ray
I think a no-plan, low-stress weekend is just what the doctor ordered.. enjoy! Sometimes when I can't fall asleep or can't shut off my mind I try to focus on relaxing my whole body one inch at a time.. start at your toes and work your way up.. but if 99 bottles of beer works for you, stick with it! :)  
15 Mar 12 by member: erika2633
I agree with calannapy, I think a change in your wind-down routine might help you sleep better. There are some herbal teas or essential oils (aromatherapy) that can also help, but I'm not an expert so I don't know which ones to recommend. 
15 Mar 12 by member: Earthlady
King, have you tried going a few days caffeine free to see if that helps you sleep at night. When I drank caffeine - even if it was just in the morning, it affected my sleep. I never had a problem falling asleep. I had a problem staying asleep. Since I've been off caffeine, I've had the best sleep in my 40 years of life. Turns out I like sleep a lot more than I like coffee. 
15 Mar 12 by member: Losin25
Good luck! I get the room very dark and slow my breathing down and count in my head with breath in 10-2-3-4, breath out 10-2-3-4, in 9-2-3-4, out 9-2-3-4... And on down. Very seldom do I make it to one any more, and if I do, I just start over. If thoughts come into my head, I say in my head, "no" and start counting again. Thank goodness for supportive spouses, and weekends :) If you get stressed, breathe, drink water, take a mini break and time out from your desk and work.  
15 Mar 12 by member: Owsley

     
 

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