just.keep.swimming's Journal, 27 February 2012

I messed up and threw my diet out the window... but now I will forgive myself and move on. "It's never too late to start the day over again."

I've been more stressed than I realized. Used binge eating as a defense mechanism again, I think. Between that and waking up with my jaw/teeth aching from clenching my teeth in my sleep, it's time for me to face it. I'm not as cool as I'd wish to be.
-But as my pastor told me yesterday, "Be confident in your faith." I can have confidence in my ability to survive and confidence in God taking me where I need to go.

Yesterday I caught my best friend in a lie. Not a big deal, you'd think... but I have a thing about being lied to... and it was a lie about skipping out on my birthday party. Add that to spreading tales about me, and I just don't know what to think. I sometimes think- and have been told- that she honestly doesn't want me to be happy. I think she feeds off of my drama and pain. Ouch.

Plus, today my brother comes home. I should be excited to see him but I am not. He teaches my little brother that the world owes you a living and anyone who doesn't pay for your existence is just evil. Last visit, if little bro wasn't so religious, Id have expected a murder/suicide thanks to big bro's influence. Last time he was home older bro said some of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me in my life. And I've had a pretty painful life.

So, wish me luck.
Be confident in your faith.
Thank God for work- today it will be my escape.

Diet Calendar Entries for 27 February 2012:
2753 kcal Fat: 133.60g | Prot: 84.21g | Carb: 321.01g.   Breakfast: Peanut Butter, Wheat Dinner Rolls, Nutella Hazelnut Spread, Cinnabon Bites. Lunch: Crispy Chicken Salad. Dinner: 100 Calorie Snack Pack, Nutella Hazelnut Spread, Wheat Dinner Rolls, Peanut Butter, Cucumber (with Peel). Snacks/Other: Ones California Prunes. more...
1841 kcal Activities & Exercise: Standing - 1 hour and 20 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 10 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 6 hours, Desk Work - 8 hours and 30 minutes. more...

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Good luck in both, getting back on track with your diet, and in dealing with your brother. I'd also like to wish you luck in patching things up with your best friend, as good friends are hard to find. JKS, don't hesitate, get back on track with your diet; you are so close to your goal; too close to give up on it now. 
27 Feb 12 by member: ShyGuy
Good luck to you. Stay strong in your faith and remember that G-d is there to help carry you through the hard times. I find prayer and meditation help when I feel like binging. Sometimes celery with peanut butter can knock down a craving, too. 
27 Feb 12 by member: Bippi

     
 

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