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My guideline this time is from the Big Breakfast Diet. On this you Eat like a king in the morning, a queen for lunch and a pauper for dinner. I've also done some psychological work with myself to stop the self sabotage...basically making my Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) shut up and giving my core self the authority to negate this part of my ego.
For me, I have a thinking problem. I am my worst detractor and trouble maker...there's been a bit of work in unearthing what it is and fixing it.
Let's say that although it's not fixed by any stretch of the word...what is true, is that I am acknowledging my thinking problem as just that. In times past I could hear my mother calling me lazy, undisciplined and lacking focus. I believed these to be true. What I didn't have was support. I also don't know how to get it. Doing things on your own without direction and asking for help...let alone what is the right help at the right time...is a daunting task indeed.
Like in any recovery program, they state: One day at a time...well for me, it's always One Step at a time...whether it's forward or backwards. I need to just be OK with where I am at any given moment. SO I am learning the depth of what "owning it" means today. It comes down to being open and not ashamed.
Shame, FEAR, Guilt....these are all Curse words and have been embedded in the fiber of my being...so much so that I couldn't even see or recognize the "elephant" in my life...I kept seeing my weight and not what was attacking me from deep within the recesses of my brain.
Being Awake, aware and seeing yourself with your eyes wide open...wow...to wipe away delusion is all amazing work, but the most challenging is recognizing what it is first.
So for me, it's how I think...and today I think I'm happy with this insightful revelation for me.
What do you hear or are numbed by since you've played it in your head over and over again for decades? Do you turn towards a sweet, a movie, some other unhealthy behavior to keep from facing it and just listening to that voice?
Yesterday, in the shower I heard myself call me stupid for something I did more than 45 years ago! Mind you it's been saying I was stupid all that time, day in and day out...maybe several times a day. I ignored it, avoided it in some very self destructive ways...all because there was no adult or rational thought inside to challenge that thought.
So I actually did some self work and answered...yes I did do that! I was 8 nearly nine and I had the thinking of a very young scared girl, who was acting out looking for attention to my dilemma at the time. I didn't cause the problem, but I reacted to it in the way that you are cursing me for by calling me stupid. I'm sorry!
The revelation was that I found my inner hurt child, just wanted recognition for feeling stupid at nearly 9....that it was ok to act 9 with the coping skills of a hurt nine year old. That's all she wanted and in return she gave me the ability to let my linear thinking continue along her journey...being measured, focused and productive...mostly useful.
I hope this entry is useful to someone else and provides the motivation to look squarely at your ANTs and challenge them...better yet, Hear them and Acknowledge their moment of pain and provide the opportunity for the synchronicity of thought to heal your mind, then your body!
Peace be with you@
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219.0 lb
Lost so far: 11.0 lb.
Still to go: 69.0 lb.
Diet followed 100%.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 21 February 2012:
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1464 kcal
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Fat: 70.68g | Prot: 62.42g | Carb: 149.16g.
Breakfast: 100% Pure Maple Syrup, Lucerne Whipping Cream, Milk Choco Leibniz, Quaker Oats Oatmeal. Lunch: Sprouted Rye Bread, Salted Butter, Organic Free Range Jumbo Eggs, Shredded Mexican Four Cheese Blend, Sparkling Mineral Water. Dinner: Eating Right Fiesta Chicken, Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh). more...
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3115 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 40 minutes, Dance (square dancing) - 1 hour, Desk Work - 4 hours, Resting - 10 hours and 20 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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losing 24.5 lb a week
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