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I took a vacation. A vacation from discipline and sensible eating, too. Our daughter came home for her b'day last Thursday and we went to the beach. I've indulged in pies, cookies, cupcakes, fried foods for the last week. It was an orgy of bad eating. The worst of it was eating a third of a blueberry pie yesterday. We took our girl back to the airport, came home hungry and sad. Went straight to the fridge and both of us loaded up on pie. About 30 minutes later, I was sick as a dog. It really was 5 minutes of pleasure followed by 8 hours of sheer hell. I had a horrible headache and was shaking like a drunk with the DTs. The indigestion was unbearable. When I finally did feel like eating again, all I wanted was protein. I had a boiled egg and some cashews and a cup of green tea. Felt much better by the time I hit the hay at midnight. So now I feel like I have gotten that shit out of my system and I have new resolve. But at the same time, I'm feeling insecure about my ability to control this problem. My weakness scares me. I have to see this as a wakeup call. I can't let this happen again. I felt so extremely sick. I was almost in tears. It underscored how great I have been feeling up to that point. It is somewhat like that saying I've read here -- nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Actually, certain bad foods do taste pretty great, but the consequences are so much worse than that payoff. I do believe that sugar is absolutely toxic for me. My body had gotten used to it over the years, but the overdose I had yesterday was too much for my clean system. It was almost like the binge drinking that I did in college. I don't do that any more, and binge eating is pretty much the same thing. It poisons me. I can't do that any more. Time to get back on track and make that goal once and for all.
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155.6 lb
Lost so far: 56.4 lb.
Still to go: 5.6 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 20 July 2011:
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281 kcal
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Fat: 11.98g | Prot: 15.20g | Carb: 29.51g.
Breakfast: cranberry green tea, grits, egg, bacon. more...
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losing 0.4 lb a week
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 Comments
You know what, I can totally relate. I went through a rough emotional situation recently that was unexpected & for the first time in really as long as I can remember, the way I felt made me want to binge eat. I ended up doing just that but still logged my food the best I could & ended up over 6000 calories! Felt like crap the next day but as you said, it was out of my system & that was a good thing. I did not experience the insecurity as far as controlling my emotional eating, but the confidence I've worked over a year to build up was suddenly shattered so I definitely felt insecure & afraid I wouldn't be able to get back to where I was. But each day gets better & I'm feeling more & more like my old self...& you will too. Good to see you back hon.
20 Jul 11 by member: kstubblefield
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Don't beat yourself up. You slipped a little, but you'll make it up. You're not in a race. It is true, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. It isn't always easy to remember. I've been eating quite a bit of fresh fruit and vegetables lately. It's amazing how quickly you fill up, and how low the calorie count is. That might be a way of dealing with the emotional strains. A lot better than cake, fried food, or booze.
20 Jul 11 by member: Fledgist
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I think the two comments above me say it well... I recently heard the words "you can't get it wrong, and will never get it done" For me it took the "Im Being Bad" out of my thoughts and now I know there will be the moments when I am not reacting the way that makes my body, mind and soul feel well but not to worry about it, let it go and embrace the new day. This is one heck of a process isn't it coco, lol? TOWANDA!!!!!
21 Jul 11 by member: Lisa Online
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Thanks, Kat, Fledgist, and Lisa. It really does help to have buddies going through the same emotional rollercoaster, but coming out just fine. I know it's just one stumble... I'm sure I'll stumble again, but I'm walking in the right direction! Thanks again, y'all.
21 Jul 11 by member: cocobutt
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Theresa, I know exactly how you feel...I did the same during the last week...I was eating things I knew I shouldn't eat, drinking tons of diet soda, and felt like crap physically on top of the emotional devastation I am dealing with...back at it yesterday. I also understand what you mean about being scared...it is so close to the surface. I thought I had it under control, and that emotional eating was not something I needed to worry about anymore...boy, was I wrong. At least we nipped it in the bud. Hugs, my friend. Today is a new day!
21 Jul 11 by member: ctlss
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