SergeantS's Journal, 23 April 2013

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Why do I self sabotage when I'm so close?? Was bad :( Really bad. But then again, it's not my fault Cadbury decided to make an OREO DAIRY MILK CHOCOLATE BAR! I bloody love Oreos. And Dairy Milk. I knew I should have stayed away from the shop but as soon as I saw it I knew I would buy it and I would eat it...all...by myself. A big bar. It was one of the best things I have eaten in my entire life but now I feel like crap because I've put on just over 1lb. So annoyed! Well, to blame it all on the chocolate bar would be a lie, I did over-undulge at the weekend, had a beer because it was so sunny out, and let's face it, we all want a beer when it's nice and sunny :) And also had a handful of fries and lots of chocolate mini eggs whilst at the cinema Sunday. Pretty sure there were probably other 'less' serious cheats such as peas/sweetcorn with one of my meals on Friday (watching the carbs) but that's not so bad. I guess in real terms, 1.4lbs is a small price to pay for all of these sins! Just hope it comes off again pretty soon, I liked being so close. Is this normal? I do this every time I start to feel like I'm close to goal, I binge and then complain when it affects my weight loss. Why on earth would I do this to myself?! I wonder if it's because I'm just getting cocky, thinking it won't affect me, but then I'm always scared of getting on the scales the day after a binge so that can't be right. Or is it because the sense of urgency kind of disappears when you no longer look overweight and people compliment you on your appearance? I'm now a UK size 12, so pretty small for me, but ideally I want to be an 8 (hips permitting) or more realistically a 10, but I do look pretty small and I'm not so grossed out by what I see in the mirror any more...maybe that's what it is. Perhaps if people stopped complimenting me I wouldn't feel so "safe" and would keep pushing through? Who knows. Something is obviously wrong with my brain functionality :) right, let's try this again shall we! Only got 6 weeks until I need to be at goal EEK!