JulofDenial's Journal, 17 September 2010

Boy, have I been battling some maddening cravings! We're talking intense visual battles... the onslaught of graphic mental images of cheesecake, chocolate shakes, turtle sundae pie with Graham cracker crust...barbequed ribs dripping in honey smoked sauce and the meat just slides off the bone.

WAKE UP, COME OUT OF IT, BACK TO REALITY!!

The reality is that my body is fighting my self-discipline. When I'm alone in the evening, there is no one to tell me NO. I think about going for a drive until the cravings pass. I think about watching a movie, calling a relative or friend, working on my novel, but all I really want is the food! It drives me insane! Talk about mad lust! The body sure knows how to kick into survival mode!

So I gave in...stuffed 2,000 calories into my body in the space of an hour. Then I waited in pain for the fluid to break down the bolus(es). And then...release.

This time, I videotaped the event. I decided that if I documented the pain, the time, the suffering, the trouble, the sense of imprisonment in my mind...I would watch the video the next time I had a major craving and it would act as a deterrent. Because the problem with this behavior is that the sufferer never remembers the suffering, only the complete and surrendered pleasure of eating to one's limit. The gustatory overindulgence in a variety of flavors and textures is a significant emotional journey each time it occurs. How do you put a stop to a pleasure trigger? You have to create some form of negative reinforcement. The only way to do that is to force yourself to watch videos of yourself or others going through that humiliating, embarrassing, tortuous process from start to finish. I didn't record the eating part, only the removal. I don't NEED to record the eating; my mind remembers that part all too vividly.
97.0 lb Lost so far: 11.0 lb.    Still to go: 12.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entries for 17 September 2010:
416 kcal Fat: 7.89g | Prot: 8.08g | Carb: 94.16g.   Breakfast: grape, Red Delicious Apples. Lunch: Fudgesicle, Quaker chocolate rice cakes. Dinner: Atkins chocolate caramel mousse bar. more...
1257 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sitting - 10 hours, Resting - 6 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet JulofDenial's own diet   gaining 0.0 lb a week

   Support   


     
 

Submit a Comment


You must  sign in to submit a comment
 

Other Related Links

Members

Other Journals for JulofDenial's own diet



JulofDenial's weight history


JulofDenial's Recent Activity

JulofDenial's Own Activity

No recent activity.

JulofDenial's Buddies

No recent activity.

Other Member Diet Recent Activity

traccie recorded a Journal Entry and a Weigh In at 193.0 lb.
Liz Chaffin commented on King in the North's Journal Entry.
rick09 recorded a Journal Entry and a Weigh In at 264.0 lb.
Suzi161 commented on mikey8335's Journal Entry.
Cyrakitty recorded a Journal Entry and a Weigh In at 238.6 lb.
sara20 recorded a Weigh In at 288.9 lb.
asher63 recorded a Weigh In at 261.0 lb.
lennyp recorded a Weigh In at 173.0 lb.