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This was a tough week and I don't know why. My problems were all mental, not physical and it was all about my weight - nothing else. I was suddenly obsessed with food. I was hungry for no reason and my regular amount of food was not satisfying. I also craved junk food. On two occasions, I ate dinners where my portion was equal to my husband's portion. He is 50+ lbs. heavier than me, so my portion size was clearly not appropriate. I gained 4.1 lbs. in five days. I felt the old panic of being out of control. I have no idea why this happened. On Sunday, when I saw the extreme gain, I thought "This is it. This is the beginning of gaining it back". However, I managed to calm down, eat normally, and drink plenty of water on Sunday & Monday. By weigh-in today, I was up .7 lbs. and still below my goal weight.
When I was heavy (most of my life), I always thought the 'real me' was a thin & fit person. I just couldn't manage to get my body to match my mental image.
Now, my body looks thin and fit, but sometimes I feel like a fraud. My friends who have been healthy and thin their whole lives seem to have true disdain for white sugar, carbs, too much fat, etc. I am not like them. While most days I'm fine with my new healthy lifestyle, I know in my heart the potential to eat huge amounts junk food still lurks in the background.
So, I guess the journey continues... I dreaded writing this. I don't want to discourage anyone but I think it is important to honestly share both the good and bad of this experience. Thanks for your support.
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122.1 lb
Lost so far: 74.3 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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gaining 0.7 lb a week
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 Comments
Oh, I think many of us have practiced a little self-sabotage in our weight loss lives. How many of us have posted on a Monday about the excesses of the weekend? We're all real human beings and sometimes we are imperfect. We have cravings. We have envy (of other people's portion sizes!). We have body dysmorphia... we look in the mirror and don't believe what we see. I think for many of us the journey for excellent body health will never end. "Maintenance" is something I'm sure I'll have to do forever because "before" when I lost the weight I thought I was "all done" with dieting and could do what I wanted. Here I am again... I've lost the repetitive weight and I don't want to do that again!!! It's a waste of time. I'm super glad you're at a place where you don't feel compelled to lose any more, but hope you find a way to stay where you are in a way that feels right for you.
24 Jul 18 by member: SoCalPam
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I love salty and sweet foods. It is so easy too eat too much (chips, cake) and they are social foods, too. So I know how you feel. If I get off track and eat these foods it triggers me and I eat more. I may only eat 1800 total calories in the day on a snacky day but I gain weight. A healthy limited diet with exercise will have to be my habit for the rest of my life. You are NOT alone. Hang in there.:-)
24 Jul 18 by member: Laura L G
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everyone hits a rough patch, it was an old lifestyle that you lived for years and these habits are hard to get over. Old thoughts creep up on us and bite us when we are not looking. You are doing great, one bad week in months of doing the new you will not change your long term goal, just hit a little side road for a while. You are definitely owning your feelings and concerns. Now you need to accept it is done and that you are determined to get back on track. You can do this
24 Jul 18 by member: baskington
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What a truly interesting post! (if not a bit disconcerting...) Do you think a scheduled 'cheat day' would do the trick? For sure, like any addict, (and we do have an addict's mapping) the compulsion is still there, simmering and right around the corner, as you said. If I had to guess, i'd say we created those neuropathways in our youth. That's why it's a lifelong struggle that needs to be managed and will never be completely behind us. The why doesn't really matter, what does is how to deal with it here and now. Your post reminds me a bit of the movie 'Awakenings' with DeNiro, where he sees himself go back to his prior state (although, of course, his situation was tragic) But yeah, it's an understandably gripping fear to go back, to lose control. I'd say, breathe and take it 24hours at a time. Stay away from temptations, find new hobbies, or exercises to get over the hump. Stay positive and see this as a temporary obstacle that you'll overcome. Try another eating plan like Keto to shake things up and reroute your way of thinking. Best of luck. Thanks for the honest post!
24 Jul 18 by member: NowIunderstand
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24 Jul 18 by member: Little Red Fox
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@Marie I suffer the opposite from you, mine is forcing myself to eat so I can lose the weight. But the base is similar - the uncontrollable temptation of going back to that comfortable way of doing things regardless of our health. I was just reading a post from @Chesgreen on here were he just started reading 'Never Binge Again'. It helped him and others control that feeling and the overeating. Might want to look it up and maybe it will help. link below but use with no spaces.
http://neverbingeagain 38xl94.s3.amazonaws.com /Never-Binge-Again.pdf
24 Jul 18 by member: Mjgh06
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Thanks for all the comments. It really is nice to have a place to talk about these challenges. Not sure what the answer long term will be for me, or if it won't always be the same answer. I seem to be back on track for now.
24 Jul 18 by member: mariezzz
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YES! I agree with your experience which is why I stay on this site and continue to log everything and stick with it!
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This is exactly how I feel!
Thank you for sharing. Good job taking a deep breath and getting it back in control.
24 Jul 18 by member: momma6224
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I understand and identify with every-word-you-wrote. What worked for me is not 'giving up'.
25 Jul 18 by member: adefwebserver
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