redgirl1974's Journal, 06 December 2016

I've been there, but don't have any great advice! I'm not in that situation anymore, but have an idea to offer up: Instead of asking for more help (which may be vague), assign specific tasks to be done by others and when it needs to be completed? Though maybe you did this... 

I just wanted to prove a point, that mom cant do everything all the time, you know. My family has always been really really great about helping and pitching in and now all of sudden, no wants to. I feel resentful towards them bc I hold down 45 hrs a week at work and the gym and my house. I dont think I should have to ask them, when they already know.. and when I mentioned it,they just brushed it off and it made me feel like my feelings werent important to them at the time. Im sure Im reading WAY TOO MUCH into this.. and Im sure Im making way to big of a deal out it.. but like i mentioned, I dont know how to take it back with out being wishy washy...  

Maybe it's something in the dang water.....I've been pissy the last 2 days and having a hard time pulling out of it... 

I think Trackin64 has the idea. The men in your house have to be told what you feel and how you need them to help you resolve it ... calmly. They can't read your mind. Be honest and forthright and then put the ball in their court. No threats .... just calm statements and solutions. Try it. 

and, if you actually SAID you won't cook dinner then keep your word - even if they don't care. Cook something good for yourself though (if you are so inclined) - no Dairy Queen. Consider it a vacation from chores. 

my kids are 21, 17, & 15 and I had the same issue as you. If you said no dinner make sure no dinner... whatever you say are the consequences have to be stuck to. they will get the hint - trust me!!!!!  

Treat yourself the best by cooking a healthy and yummy meal tonight, then a bubble bath or equivalent...I totally get the idea that your feelings do not matter - take care of your needs and start letting them do their own cooking and laundry...etc.  

HCB, I did just that. I only washed my clothes today. And I know DH needs pants but, im not doing it. And im taking myself out to dinner tonite. F it.. they wont starve. The kid is 19 and dh can figure his own pants today.. tomorrow Ill be over it but today Im on strike. I never yell at them or even raise my voice and Ive taught my son the importance of responsibility. It must be something in the water. LOL  

Been there, done that. I think if you set up a schedule of when you will cook and then make assignments of who is setting the table and who is cleaning up that would be a start. That way, you will cook, but you don't serve anything til the table is set and you don't cook if the pots and pans aren't cleaned up BY SOMEONE ELSE, NOT YOU. And then institute the policy that if you can carry a laundry hamper, you do your own laundry. My hubby was a househusband for a long time, quickly taught the kids to do laundry (10 years old), set and clean the dinner table (9 years old), take out trash, vacuum, clean the bird cage, etc. Before that, on a more classic day, my hubby says let's take the kids to the park. He says to me: hurry up, get ready, I will start the car! He takes his binoculars and gets into the car parked out front. I hop in, alone, with my hat and beach towel, and say I'm ready! He looks around and says "Where are the kids? to which I say "you didn't say I should get the kids ready" and we go back into the house and spend the 20 minutes TOGETHER getting the kids ready to go. He never asked me again "what took you so long!" I do feel I was lucky in that my dh never let me do his laundry, ever. 

I was in a foul mood on Sunday, and no earthly reason for it. I guess it just happens sometimes. I did have a good long think about things that were bothering me, that usually I just shrug off, and yesterday talked my DH about some things, not things he was doing or not doing, just things I'd like to see changed, and he agreed that I might have a point, and is looking into the options, so maybe my foul mood might turn out to have been useful! 

I hope you feel better. 

Heidi, so everyone came home.. the kid checked the mail and threw the trash and just started his side of the house and dh..... is cooking dinner and is sending me out with my mom tonite.. sometimes we all need to get a little crazy to make a point I guess and since my family is not used to me acting that way bc I usually maintain my cool, I guess it hit home with them. I still feel sh!tty about going on strike but hey, i had to make my point...  

Happy things worked out, redgirl. I could tell how upset you were. Enjoy your dinner. 

ya mom2, it did bother me...  

Sometimes we just have to let it all out...good, bad and ugly. As you know I often take a few laps in my little pity pool when the stress gets to me. Think going out with Mom sounds like a great idea. Enjoy your evening and let those you love band who love you know what they can do to help....sometimes men are clueless:) 

I hate tablets....it is not band but and!!!!