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For the record, I don't believe I really weigh 166.2 cuz I have a lot of edema. But I wanted to "weigh-in" (pun intended), on an epiphany I had last night.
I had a difficult evening conversation with my boyfriend last night. He was being very emotionally withdrawn and distant, more so than he usually is. I told him that I loved and missed him, and he basically grunted. I told him that I know he misses me, but it would be nice to hear it on occasion. He said it wouldn't do any good. When I hung up, I cried.
As I sat there, I reflected on the fact that I love this man and I have put so much energy into this relationship, but I'm emotionally starvingto death. I can't do all the work, all the reassuring, and all the loving. I've got to have some feedback. And then I wanted to eat. That's when it hit me. I'm starving emotionally, and trying fill the hollow spot with satisfying food. It would be bad enough alone, but I already have food issues, and this just makes them worse. I've gained 10 + pounds in the 5 months we've been together. To make it worse, I only weigh 10 lbs less than him, and he's told me that he won't be with a woman bigger than he is.
This just isn't working, and it breaks my heart.
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166.2 lb
Lost so far: 33.8 lb.
Still to go: 16.2 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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gaining 1.3 lb a week
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 Comments
It's ironic how coming to understand what's 'good' and 'healthy' for us (both emotionally and physically) can be so 'difficult' and feel so awful (at least initially) . . . thoughts and well wishes being sent your way that you both reach and act on a conclusion that is in your best interest.
30 Nov 15 by member: losinit1655
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Trust your gut. if it doesn't feel right then it isn't right. Happiness is within you, only you can make yourself happy. Do not delegate anyone else to rule over your joy. I am sure you have thought and overthought it...just do you, you can.
30 Nov 15 by member: kls_toujour
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Believe it or not, there are good supportive men out there. But most of all you have to count on yourself then you can be free of those people who do not bring out the best in you. I'm with Kls - Trust yourself on this one!
30 Nov 15 by member: sproe
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Do not waste your time. Do what make you happy because life is too short. If you don't have someone that you know loves you without a single doubt every day you are together, whether they voice it or not, then you are with the wrong person. Find you, be you, do you. You cannot be in a healthy relationship or have a healthy body if you are not mentally healthy. You can't pour from a half empty cup and that is why you have nothing left to give to this relationship. If it's dead, don't drag it around because it will simply rot and make you ill!!! Love yourself, you are worth so much more!! Love
30 Nov 15 by member: prairierose31
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You must believe that you deserve better than this. When you convince yourself of this you will be able to do what you know is best for you. Be like Ruth, wait for your Boaz!
30 Nov 15 by member: rhontique
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One of the reasons I gained a lot of the weight I lost back was because I compromised my dietary needs. When I got back on track back in June I told her that if she couldn't support me that I didn't care, I was eating the way I NEED to if I had to fight her tooth and nail or not. She didn't like it but got on board after a couple of months. You have to do what's good for you despite what ANYONE else says, does, or thinks about it. You have the right to be solely concerned for yourself because no one else is going to be!
30 Nov 15 by member: 1point21gigawatts
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I am angry just reading about it!!! How dare he? Take care of yourself. We are all here to hold your back :)
01 Dec 15 by member: schmetterlinge34
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I am in am in a similar situation. Except my husband had a stroke. He has major depression, on disability, and just lays around watching tv all day. I come home from work and nothing is done of what I ask him to do. I get so mad at him sometimes I just want to leave. I have taken all my frustrations out withe eating and now I need to loose 100 pounds! Any help or suggestions would be great!
04 Dec 15 by member: kati1snow2
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Kati, I struggle with a spouse with clinical depression as well. Make sure he is seeing his doctor regularly. The right medication can make a world of difference. Even so, there are times when I pretty much just have to think of myself as living single. You need to take care of yourself. When there is so much in your life that you feel you can't control, this is something that you can. Do it for YOU!
06 Dec 15 by member: sproe
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I want to thank all of you. I keep coming back to read your comments, and it helps me stay sane. The last few days since this entry have proven what I know - that I love him and I don't want to live without him, BUT I can't live like this. I prayed for guidance for both of us, and that if it had to end, I would rather he be the one to do so, because it would hurt him less. He made the call tonight, and I'm sure he will end it when we talk next. God has given me a peace. I do not say these things lightly, but I appreciate and love each of you. Now to take care of me, find me, and lose this weight.
08 Dec 15 by member: TheKarenS
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You deserve all the best. I am glad the community here has helped. Continue to lean on us!
08 Dec 15 by member: rhontique
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Karen its better to have loved and Lost then to had not loved at all . There is always a lesson on every path he takes us . Have Faith and Trust in God and he will take you where you need to be . Blessings My Friend .
08 Dec 15 by member: Tamarah Jo
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God takes people out of our lives for a reason. some times it opens the door to a better relationship.
09 Dec 15 by member: Sweet Georgia Peaches
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