maelynpeacock's Journal, 26 April 2015

I was a bit surprised to see the drop on the scale. I have been eating carbs, carbs, carbs, and well, more carbs. I was in a bad state when I made it to the grocery store on Friday night and walked out with I don't know what. I spent about 20 or so dollars on meat, which is fine, except I already had plenty of meat. I couldn't focus enough to write out a list as the things in my head wouldn't leave me alone enough to get out what I needed and when I got to the store. Geeze. I felt so paranoid and crowded in. I thought I was going to pass out in the middle of the store from shock due to all that was going in my head due to the psychosis. I couldn't pull a full thought out. I grabbed a couple of bags of berries as well. I just don't know what I'm really going to be doing here.

Lunch today? Still eating food from the food pantry - Burger with secret burger sauce and cheddar cheese, no bun, and pinto beans mixed with green beans and hot sauce. Woot.

I'm not giving up. I know my last post sounded like it. It's more of knowing the past. I am determined to fight this weight gain that came with this medication last time. I worked too hard too long to lose everything. I refuse to be taken down by a brain disease that the world is too busy to try and understand. I mean, really how do you explain to someone your weight issue is being primarily caused by the fact you have a form of schizophrenia without having to break down the science of metabolism and medication's impact on metabolism and how that changes the formula your body uses for CICO which is why you have to eat so little less than everyone else...I mean it's more maddening than my daily madness.

I, Erin Maelyn Peacock, am not a statistic. I am more than my IDX of 1223. I am a person. I live. I breathe. I exist. I will not be beaten by back by this invisible foe. I will strike back, and I will win. Why? Because I am my mother's daughter, and my grandmother's granddaughter, stubborn as a Missouri mule. I ain't going anywhere. I am strong.
278.8 lb Lost so far: 16.6 lb.    Still to go: 121.8 lb.    Diet followed poorly.
losing 5.6 lb a week

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Comments 
You keep fighting the good fight Maelyn. Build the person you seek to be.  
26 Apr 15 by member: Jonathan Walsh
Hugs and positive thoughts to you! Keep up the good work. Knowledge and awareness is power! 
26 Apr 15 by member: Lucy1771
Yippee! So glad you are here again! YES, we all are stubborn mules and we just continue on! 
26 Apr 15 by member: HCB
You are incredibly inspiring.With all the obstacles in your way you are still going strong.You can do it. You will make it. 
27 Apr 15 by member: UmmBilal
Keep that positive and this will all be over before you know it!  
27 Apr 15 by member: meohmy125

     
 

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