dreamcatcher10's Journal, 28 February 2015

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
sometimes I dont want to be needed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes I want to do just what I want to do with out feeling like I'm letting others down ,,
Granddaughter wants me to baby set today I dont want to
at least right now !!
sinces I got up I have been cleaning haven't eaten yet ,, its very cold out my back has been killing me lately i'm gonna do my back exercises in a few those do help believe it or not haven't done them lately
then I want to go lay down

my oldest daughter blew a gasket at me about 2 weeks ago ... I watched my grandson's one 8 y one 5 y about a month ago she brought them over at 6:30 pm I played with them and the dog for about an hour throwing the balls ,then we watched what Jacob 8 year old wanted for a hour
then the tiredness came on me at 8:30 pm like clockwork
so I made a bed on the couch for my 8 year old
my husband stays up all night watching tv cause he works nights
so I reminded my husband be careful what ya watch theres 8 year old eyes and ears next to ya <3 my husband is really good about that <3
took the 5 year old with me ,, asked him to pick out a DVD movie he wanted to watch garfield so I put that in and was getting comfy and Ben 5 year old started crying I want my momma ... so I called there Mom up
( my oldest daughter ) the one that supports me most of the time !!
( she is working on her masters degree for being a special Ed teacher and works full time being a teacher's aid and has 3 boys to care for full time and two stepchildren the other half of the time so she has a lot on her plate ,, I had gotten sick about 6 weeks ago that lasted for almost 4 weeks ,, I was supposed to watch her kids about 3 weeks ago on a sunday so she could help my son move , she said her back hurt her so she was gonna go to the library and study ,, but I shared with her my fear of getting the kids sick (( I had seen lots of people at work bus drivers and kids on the bus having the same thing so I thought it was catchy she went crazy on me ...and verbally attacked me ,, been in the dumps over it since then off and on ,, I give it to the lord than and be ok for awhile then ,, I will start worry about it ! so then I start praying again.
some of the things she said was severely hurtful
she was upset because she said I didn't play with the boys when they came over
to spend the night about 2 months ago
I tried to tell her we did and she said the boys said I didn't ,,, O M G
and she said I would rather give them food them spend time with them OH my not true ,, I have a place where I keep chips exc I give then 1-2 NO MORE any given time they come ,, I'm not senile , and I dont believe they should be allowed snacks all day
so she post on FB a post where she does love me but doesn't like me ..
what did I do ..........
go to walmart buy her a valentine lady bug flower and my son in love and ice coffee then drive to my son in loves work gave him $ 25.00 to buy dinner for her and the kids so she doesn't have to cook that night ,, no acknowledgement of either ,, the older I get it seems so much harder
one part of me says she is stressed out

oh trust me she said a whole lot more ,, any who ,,
sorry Im bummed out

anyways

praying your world is doing better
have a blessed day
somewhere along the line I learned that for a moment food brings comfort but in the long run more sorry
Love ya Lord
Love ya Dolores Lynn
Praying lord I get out of this funk...


Diet Calendar Entry for 28 February 2015:
1667 kcal Fat: 89.39g | Prot: 39.96g | Carb: 172.18g.   Lunch: Bob Evans Country Gravy, Banquet Chicken Pot Pie. Dinner: Pillsbury Grands! Biscuits - Flaky Layers Original, Butter, Polaner Sugar Free Blackberry Seedless Preserves, Jif Natural Creamy Peanut Butter, Pillsbury Grands! Biscuits - Flaky Layers Original. Snacks/Other: Russell Stover Sugar Free Strawberry Cream covered with Chocolate, Lay's Classic Potato Chips (28.3g), Weight Watchers Key Lime Pie Nonfat Yogurt, Weight Watchers Key Lime Pie Nonfat Yogurt. more...

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Comments 
I'm so sorry. My family has been huge in watching my daughter for me, I don't know what I would do without them. I owe them more than I can ever repay, and I hope I don't ever forget that. You shouldn't feel bad for needing a break.  
28 Feb 15 by member: Instantcrazy
Big Hug to you Dolores Lynn! Damn kids, I feel your pain, my oldest son had shoulder repair surgery last week and he and his girlfriend are staying with me and my younger 2 are acting selfish and won't help, I am going to be 51 this year and have 2 boys almost 32 and 21 and my daughter will be 18 and is graduating from high school, no grandkids but I do have a grand dog, a 4 year old bossy French Bulldog, and my own bossy 1 year old French Bulldog puppy, they all suck me dry in their own way, I love them to death but they can be mean when they don't get their way, and God forbid I ask them to do anything, your kids are lucky to have you and don't forget that, I lost my mom to cancer 5 years ago at age 63 and I would give anything to have her here to lean on, I know I like to do nice things for my kids and it really hurts when they don't appreciate them, my thoughts and prayers are with you, I am trying to journal every day and I will be checking on you, and I'm here if you need to vent, take care! Sherry Barry 
28 Feb 15 by member: Share Bare
Just.Say.No ............... 
28 Feb 15 by member: HCB
You have the right to say no. It's great that you watch the kiddo's when you can, but that's what babysitters are for. She'll come around. Plus you need to do what you need to do to take care of you.  
28 Feb 15 by member: skwhite
I agree with skwhite. If they don't appreciate what you do for them, tell them to hire a sitter next time. You obviously love your family but you don't need to be constantly dumped on. I would make it plain that I love watching the darlings but I don't need your grief. And if the parents don't like what you feed the kids, send over food for them! Just saying...! Take care of you and your hubby. He sounds wonderful. 
28 Feb 15 by member: kattay
(hugs) Have a great Sunday! 
28 Feb 15 by member: Deb_N
Your feelings are validated! You by no means are obligated to keep the kids when you feel like you can't! It is hard getting older and having aches and pains. Grands are precious, but the visits should be enjoyable for all. How can it be enjoyable when you don't feel good? Sending a prayer your way that your feelings are not hurt anymore over something you can't control. 
28 Feb 15 by member: Beautifulbeautiful
Feel better sweetie. I know how you feel. I blow up at my mom and my daughter blows up at me. See full circle 
28 Feb 15 by member: deaby16
THANKS SO SO MUCH <3 I'm doing 100 % better <3 <3 for not being upset because I wasn't being positive <3 <3 so thanks for caring <3 )) (( I have some get furious with me for sharing my hurt on here <3 <3 there is A lots of caring peeps on here too <3 I felt lead to text her and said I was thinking of her and I prayed all was well ..I Loved her & her family she texted back ,, then she let her guard down and called me we had fun .. I didn't bring up anything it was very good feeling to talk to her I love her so <3 its very common for me to text the kids and say thinking of ya love ya <3 Thanks for listening all my frustration <3 sweet dreams and lots of Love to you <3 for your support <3 
01 Mar 15 by member: dreamcatcher10
Glad you talked with her. <3  
01 Mar 15 by member: Deb_N
Happy to see how it all turned around! 
04 Mar 15 by member: iamachristianjesusfreak

     
 

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