XxChrysalisxX's Journal, 17 April 2018

Are You Living the Life You're Supposed to be Living?

Yeah. This question came up today in a work conference.

Methinks someone was trying to be a little too deep for the context of the meeting, but that's neither here nor there.

I think it's an interesting question when it comes to self-image or self-perception issues.

How do we see ourselves as compared to how others see us?

Someone once told me that the reason he cheated on his wife incessantly was because she was fat.

Then he proceeded to inform me (without missing a beat): "What's worse is that she doesn't even KNOW she's fat."

WTF?

The message I took from that extraordinarily insensitive comment was that his wife was a woman who felt good about herself, even after she'd put on some pounds. She went from being a commercial model to gaining over a hundred pounds in the span of at least 10 years.

She was a woman who was secure within herself, even at a higher weight, and I think that's pretty cool. I can't fathom as to her journey or her thinking processes, but I can relate to her, all these years later.

When I began gaining weight, it crept up...slowly. And I've been busy living my life, so I didn't pay much attention, or I ignored it. Sure, I bought the new sizes each year. I stopped admiring my figure in the mornings just out of the shower...hell, I even stopped looking at my body altogether! I drifted into an overweight lifestyle, merrily living my life as usual, never missing out on anything.

This isn't my full story, of course, but you get the point here.

"I didn't even know I was {getting} fat..." as Don would probably say about me these days.

And, it's kinda true.

I never let my weight bring me down, choosing instead to quietly accept myself, love myself at any size.

But there is that question...AM I living the life I am supposed to be living (at my size)? What are my limitations? How does my weight hinder me? Am I living up to my fullest potential?

These are the questions I ponder as I sit and contemplate the uneasy, averted glances from male passersby at this busy Starbucks I am in at the moment. You know the ones I'm talking about. The "barely there" acknowledgements that shift away within seconds...glances that used to linger, sometimes hungrily (no pun intended!).

I don't turn heads anymore. But, you know what? I'm cool with that. I know I'm overweight. But it's MY problem to deal with, yeah?

Have a beautiful evening, all. ❤︎

xo

Chrysalis