kearamccardle's Journal, 21 March 2018

haven't lost or gained weight, thats a bonus i guess.

I've been eating but not very much. Trying to deal with life now as I know it, get adjusted to new meds and new way of getting stuff done, without my spouse anymore. Being blind in rural south and no family or friends really leaves you feeling unloved, vulnerable, and worthless.


I'll be working on those feelings for a long while. As well as the anger to realize I was used for 3 years for how kind and supportive I was to someone who never loved us the same ways. we made his live VERY comfortable and still has zero issues living off my kindness while hoarding his cash to leave state. I am better off without , but my heart doesn't agree with me yet.


I've basically eating whole foods Mediterranean diet not a lot of sugars, not crackers still, very little breads, and its been sprouted seed bread when I have. tons of veggies still, especially low carb ones. So lots of spinach, brussel sprouts, kale, cabbages, broccoli, beans etc.

haven't dived into much fruit again yet. Ill stick to my dark berries still , I admit i miss my bananas but haven't yet.

still drinking my BPC once a day, still using the kerry gold butter, olive oil, mCt oil, and probably under 1600 a day.

I'll get back to again, just trying to hang on right now and readjust the rollercoaster of emotions.
184.0 lb Lost so far: 10.0 lb.    Still to go: 29.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entry for 21 March 2018:
739 kcal Fat: 29.93g | Prot: 28.22g | Carb: 91.31g.   Lunch: Coffee with Cream and Sugar, Thomas' Whole Wheat English Muffin, Calavo Avocado, Taco Bueno Pico de Gallo, Chicken Thigh (Skin Not Eaten), Great Value Purified Drinking Water (Bottle). Dinner: Quinoa (Cooked), Patak's Tikka Masala Curry Simmer Sauce. more...
on diet kearamccardle's own diet   losing 0.5 lb a week

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Comments 
We love you and you aren’t worthless. Stay strong and don’t give up! Hugs to you 
21 Mar 18 by member: momma6224
Oh Sweetie your a great person please don't feel that way. It will get better soon time heals love you! 
21 Mar 18 by member: 8Patty
be encouraged. stay strong. don't give up! capture your thoughts and control what your thinking. GOD heals what life hurts! 
21 Mar 18 by member: marshakanady
I am so sorry for you troubles and no, you don't deserve that kind of treatment. Glad you kicked his gammy backside out and are moving on. It is a grief process and you are right it will take time but we are here to support you. Sounds like you are doing pretty well with your intake. Please take walks are find some fun exercise as it helps so much. Tis the season to be outside and enjoying the flowers. (I love wildflowers since I have a black thumb.) Hang in there and may God bless you!  
21 Mar 18 by member: Gingerk65
I would walk, but with being blind and no side walks its not safe to do so without someone who can see. when warmer I tool around in the yard but thats doesnt take up much of my day 
21 Mar 18 by member: kearamccardle
is there a community transport system One of my friends in Mississippi calls a number and a bus comes to get him to take him shopping and help him to the Mall for his walking exercise. He can only see light and dark no shapes. If you call a social services worker they may be able to set you up.  
21 Mar 18 by member: rebeccaberg
we have zero public transit , no area of aging, disability services, or paratransit here. 
21 Mar 18 by member: kearamccardle
So sorry you are feeling down. Think of the positives, you don't have a leech draining you financially and emotionally. You are one....make it a strong ONE!!! Call a local church, I'm betting the pastor would have some great recommendations for you in the local area. He or she could probably set you up with some close neighbors or groups. You do need support. Humans thrive on social contacts. Use your phone or whatever you communicate with to get in touch with family/past friends. Contacts, contacts, contacts....you can do this!!!  
21 Mar 18 by member: kattay

     
 

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