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Okay so its late at night so I'm starting my 'lifestyle change' in the morning. This is going to kill me haha! So i recently found out that I intake about 3000 calories in a day give or take how stressed I am or how much I'll be out and about (i.e. shopping, going to the movies, working) and when I found this out I cried a little.. I used to be 128 pounds! What happened?! So I started looking back on what turns my life took and I came up with my weight first started changing after high school when I started smoking pot for about a year. I ate EVERYTHING!!! Mostly M&M's and McDonald's. At McDonald's I would order 2 Big Macs, a 10 piece chicken nugget, large fries and a large sweet tea (no ice so I got more tea) and I would eat every last bit of it. Dear god how did I think that was acceptable!?! Low and behold a year later of eating crappy, I gained about 45 pounds. I also started going to college and the obvious freshman 15 kicked in hard so weight gain a total of 60 pounds now (and this is within a year). On top of all that I started working at Walgreens, one of the easiest places to get snacky foods from EVER! I've been there for almost 4 years now and it is a complete love-hate relationship on my body. Cheap flaming hot cheetos gets me every time. and a small bag is 400 calories! I feel terrible and it has definitely started to make an impact with my relationship with my amazingly understanding boyfriend who has been with me for almost 5 years now. So he has seen me in my thin, healthy, happy self and now he has to see me while I am rather large, probably very unhealthy, and completely depressed.
I LOVE bread and anything containing bread up until you put fish with it then I'm out. But it just sucks because that is what I was raised with was a large helping of bread with every meal if not a lunch of just french bread and butter. And it makes me mad to think that at a point in my life I had all of the food obsessions and weight under control. Like I kicked fats ass. But before I was thin, I was fat. About the same weight that I am now and I always told myself that I would never get back here again but OOP! Heeere I am! And I don't intend on staying much longer. My boyfriend tells me that I should be happy with myself no matter what I look like and he's always been great but he doesn't understand that I won't be happy with myself until I know that I can look in a mirror and not almost cry every time I see that I no longer even fit into the regular women's category when shopping but I'm now in the plus sizes. I hate it... I don't even buy cute things anymore to wear because I feel bloated all the time and I don't feel comfortable in anything and I won't wear makeup because I kinda feel like its a waste of time. And this attitude has taken a huge hit on mine and my boyfriend's relationship. I'm hoping with this change I can make my life better and I can feel good about me again.
Diet Calendar Entry for 11 June 2012:
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1587 kcal
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Fat: 62.76g | Prot: 94.24g | Carb: 165.62g.
Breakfast: Granulated Sugar, koolaid, Fried Egg. Lunch: costco pizza. more...
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