DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 28 February 2018

Today I am finding my Happy. I read an article "Coping with Weight Means Coping with Life" that woke me up while I was on vacation with the kids last week. It talks about looking at everything that goes into being overweight like eating habits, exercise, self-image, etc. and instead of just dieting one should take a look at their life as a whole and makes sure it's being lived in a healthy way. Living with purpose, meaning, creativity, love, self-worth, etc. I thought it was a great article because it spoke to me and everything I'm lacking. I mean really.. if someone really loves themself and has self worth do they see how many gummy bears they can eat in one sitting? Not that I would ever do that.... even if we found freshly made gummy bears that were so soft they were like tiny clouds of sugary goodness.

During vacation a couple things happened. One.. we went to Indianapolis. NOT the winter vacation capital of the US. But it's where my mom lives so that's where we went. On the way down I could barely fit into the booth at a rest area Subway restaurant. I fit.. it just wasn't pretty and my son offered to push with both his feet to get me out when it was time to leave. Granted I've never had problems in a booth before so the booth was likely tighter than normal but STILL. Being too big for even a tight booth is an eye opening experience. I never want to be too big for a booth again. What happens if my son isn't there to push my butt back out and I get stuck?!?

Two.. I got to talk. I got to let go of everything that has been bugging me. All my thoughts. All my questions. All the nitty gritty do you know what he did, said, did, didn't do, smelled like, etc. I didn't have to second guess anything I did or said. I could just be me. Messy hair, yoga pants wearing, kid yelling me. All the resentfulness and anger I feel at home was instantly gone. I was able to relax. When I was able to relax... I stopped eating. I read an article about treating my whole life and not just my body and I said AHA! Then my mom's tiny dog jumped, barked, the kids got excited and I think the tiny dog almost had a heart attack.

I got to have time to myself and do what I wanted to do without anyone asking me for a glass of water or requesting that I wipe their butt. Sure it was only a few hours but it was a glorious couple of hours. You try being on constant butt wiping duty. My co-workers are lucky I don't ask them if they need help when they pick the stall next to mine.

Anyways.... today is Day 1 of me finding my Happy. I'm loving myself by eating healthy. I meditated to make sure I found a time of quiet. I take the time to exercise tonight to make sure I love my body. AND!!! I'm cooking. Because it's something I used to like doing and I thought was fun until I had a family and they all complained they weren't going to eat what I cooked. So I adjusted and made things they wanted. I've made the same things night after night after night until it became meals from a box because meh.. what's the point if they won't eat anyways. Not tonight. Tonight I am making a healthy version of homemade pizza and utica greens. Will they eat it? Probably not. I figure that's why hot dogs were invented.

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Comments 
I love it!! I'm so glad you are suddenly finding a way. You have been so unhappy for such a long time. It comes across in your writings even though you have a grand sense of humor and a gift of writing. I need to read that because it is exactly what I have been saying for about 4 years now.  
28 Feb 18 by member: wholefoodnut
Always been a big fan DFW -- this is your best work 
28 Feb 18 by member: Rpalmst
Having a youngun really makes it hard to focus on yourself so be forgiving. Might be time to get cooking again, because they are old enough to live through a night without dinner if they refuse to eat what you make. I live alone, I have no excuse, so I know it isn't easy. Hang in there! 
28 Feb 18 by member: abbadabba
This is one of the best journal entries I've read from you in a long time. Yours is one of the few I consistently read because I love your sense of humor. It brightens my day. However, they have become sad and full of self- sabotage. I'm hopeful that this enlightenment will be long lasting and fruitful. You are worth the effort! 
28 Feb 18 by member: Donna Mashburn
I love this. Take time for yourself. It's something I think all of us need to remember. 
28 Feb 18 by member: mickfan1
I agree, if they don't eat what you make they don't eat at all. If that is all that is available, they will eat it when their stomach rumbles. I wish I never would have exposed my kids to white flours and sugars. Stay strong, you got this! 
28 Feb 18 by member: Peasy3
good luck finding your HAPPY place. sending encouraging thoughts your way. 
28 Feb 18 by member: marshakanady
Great read! I just have to ask...what are utica greens?  
28 Feb 18 by member: Gingerk65
Have been missing you !!!! 
28 Feb 18 by member: DO N OK
There you are! Good to see you back, I love reading your posts :-) 
28 Feb 18 by member: pennym1
Glad you got a break! Every mom NEEDs it, even if it’s just a couple hours. It’s good for your soul!! Yes! Make some healthy food- if the kids won’t eat it they can go hungry... took me forever to learn that one! 😜 
28 Feb 18 by member: Mickidoodle
Glad to see you back, DFW! Good luck with your new direction and determination! 
01 Mar 18 by member: TomLong
Great post DFW- glad you are finding some HAPPY- you deserve it :)  
01 Mar 18 by member: newmooney
The kids won’t starve. They will eat when they get hungry.🤷🏻‍♀️ Missing a meal or two will not kill them or your husband. If he wants something different, cold hotdogs ate in the fridge. LOL I had a rule with my children at the table. They had to try one bite. If they couldn’t stand it after that, fine. But each meal it was served, they had to try one bite of everything on their plates unless they were allergic. 💁🏻‍♀️They discovered that they actually LIKED some of that WEIRD food mom made! LOL 😆 
01 Mar 18 by member: smprowett
My mom raised six children and you ate what was put on the table or you could wait until the next meal. There were no picky eaters in my family. My mom was a great cook though.  
01 Mar 18 by member: fatoldlady
Right the kids will not starve. My kids also had to eat bites but 2. they will eat most anything except 2 have this thing about not eating anything that has a bone in it. So boneless chicken is fine,,, no drumstick..boneless beef and pork but don't give them a plate of ribs. All but one of the grandkids kids has been brought up the same way--the one that is staying with me.  
01 Mar 18 by member: wholefoodnut
"Clean your plate!" Even liver. Ugh. My mom was the same. I agree, take care of you too. I raised 5 children and am just lately following my own advice. ((Hugs))  
01 Mar 18 by member: teskandar
What was the article you read? 
01 Mar 18 by member: ldanab213
oh myyyyyyyy that's quite alot of debris..I'd take a second self imposed time out to organize your ..me.. time lol 
01 Mar 18 by member: twolumps
Great stuff; give 'er hell. 
14 Mar 18 by member: grandbears

     
 

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