bevigaby's Journal, 20 January 2018

I share this with you because I am sure that you, my FS friends, are the ones who can best understand my situation.

For you to be up to date, my mom has always been the most critical about overweight, she always tortured me when I had a few extra pounds, then I fattened up to 229 pounds and she became unbearable, thank goodness we live in different countries Lol, I haven’t seen her since December 2011, at that time I had dropped to 166 pounds, then went back up to 210 pounds, so I avoid seeing her since 2011.

It is a lot of time but the truth is that to be overweight is enough, I couldn’t stand that my mother also treated me horrible. I accept her as she is, she will never change and despite everything I love her very much, she will never stop being my mother, that’s why I decided a long time ago that I was not going to waste time trying to get her to accept me with overweight. That's why I preferred not to see her all these years and since she didn’t have the money to come and visit me, it was easy. She has no idea what my weight is since a long time, I just avoided the subject with her.

When I started the keto lifestyle, my whole world changed, I began to lose weight in a logical way, without pills or magic doctors. I saw a new reality in which I'm going to reach my goal, for the first time I have hope based on something real and tangible, so in December I said: Mom, next year I'll be able to visit you, if you want to book a flight of those that you get cheap for me to go around March.

I calculated that by that month I would be around 165 pounds. Of course she already got me the ticket, but for February 25 hahahaha so I have a month to prepare myself psychologically to see her Lol. The truth is I'm a little stressed and at the same time excited to see her. I would have liked to see her when I was already thin but the date did not work, so ...

I think I'll try to do more exercise and be more strict with my keto woe to see if I get to lose 3.5 pounds a week instead of 2. But if I don’t get it I’ll not be stressed by that Lol.

And well there's also the other issue of explaining the keto lifestyle and hoping that she will not give me a hard time about the subject, I'll have to find information for her to read before she criticizes my woe Lol

The only really tragic thing is that I will not be able to buy a lot of clothes hahahaha as @Rosio19 commented today is sad that we spend money in clothes that a few months later won’t fit you. So I won’t be able to buy a lot, I can’t afford to buy clothes that later I won’t wear. To explain, my mom lives in Spain and I love the clothes there.

Soon I will continue telling you as the date of going to my mother approaches.

Gaby.

Diet Calendar Entries for 20 January 2018:
1109 kcal Fat: 84.10g | Prot: 68.85g | Carb: 18.34g.   Breakfast: Aceite de Coco, Mantequilla, Café, Carabobo Crema de Leche, la Parisienne. Lunch: Pescado a la Parrilla, Mantequilla. Dinner: Tomates, Alitas de Pollo, Muslo de Pollo, Cebollas. Snacks/Other: Fresas, Carabobo Crema de Leche, la Parisienne. more...
2643 kcal Activities & Exercise: Watching TV/Computer - 2 hours, Cooking - 2 hours, Housework - 1 hour, Desk Work - 4 hours, Resting - 7 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...

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Comments 
Gosh, Gaby thats a difficult situation, please don't stress only makes matters more difficult. You have to accept it is what it is, and hope for the best! Your her daughter she loves you Sweetie. Good luck and remember we're in this together!  
20 Jan 18 by member: 8Patty
Gaby, you are just dealing with a visit so fasting is good! 🤷🏻‍♀️LOL If she never gets the lifestyle you pick and chose what YOU eat and put into your own mouth and leave the rest! 💁🏻‍♀️As for clothes! Same. It’s a visit. Pack less then you want to bring back! A pair of pants or jeans that fit. A few tops that are approriate to the weather, a skirt that you can dress up or down with a scarf and walking shoes with a jacket and all that can layer and work together with a bit of jewelry. Fill in with another skirt and a shirt and dress when you get their and maybe a nice scarf and piece of jewelry or shoes. Make sure you left room in your luggage for it! 🙋🏻The memories are the most important part of what you will be taking and returning with! 
20 Jan 18 by member: smprowett
Good luck. Stay healthy😎 
20 Jan 18 by member: bango1
I had a mother very similar to yours. She was very critical of me and especially my weight. Eventually, I came to realize those were HER insecurities projected onto me, and I raised my own daughter to value herself for her intelligence, kindness, humor, etc. Not incoincidentally, when I stopped judging myself by my mother's standards and made health my priority and feeling good my priority, I lost weight and have kept it off many years. Stay strong in your dedication to yourself. Your opinion is the only one that matters. 
20 Jan 18 by member: TtinaBee
Thanks for all your words, they really make me feel better 😊  
20 Jan 18 by member: bevigaby
My mom passed away when I was only 30 years old. I’d give anything to talk to/see her again. Don’t let weight get in the way. My mom struggled with prescription drug addiction. At times it was really bad, yet I do not regret any time I had with her. 
20 Jan 18 by member: losingpreconception
Travel light and buy your new clothes in Spain under the pretext you want clothes from Spain. As far as mom's go Donna Reed was fiction, take her for what she is,laugh at her when she crabby and when she asked why are you laughing, just say your funny when you do that.That will lighten her mood.Worked for me and my mom could be a pain in but.She's dead now, aneriziam to the brain, just dropped dead on spot and you know I tell my brother I'd give anything to hear mom yelling at me again. You have one mom so laugh at her when she's crabby and just be happy you can look in her eyes and say I love you mom because you never know when she won't be there anymore.  
21 Jan 18 by member: murphthesurf
I understand. I have a similar Mom, and I still love her, talk on phone daily and visit her weekly. BUT she has a knack for hurting me and hurting a total stranger at the same time. When we are in a public place together she will nudge me to look, and make snide remarks within earshot about a complete stranger. Saying things like, "That is disgusting, someone that weight should not be wearing shorts...a bathing suit...a dress that short. I am so glad you dress appropriately." I have not been brave enough to wear summer clothing since I was a teenager. Instead I cover up and look for shade. If I am brave enough to venture down to the beach, I only put my toes in the water. Also I only go for walks very early in morning or after dark, so I don't have to hear comments from car windows. No wonder I am depressed.  
21 Jan 18 by member: deelbee
Gaby, although my mom has never been like this to me. I have had these problems with people who are very close to me, only difference was I wasn't able to stay away. So I understand perfectly how you feel and why you tried to stay away from her. Nevertheless, she is your mom and I do believe we shouldn't shutdown family but to learn how to make them understand and let them know how you feel about their attitude. I wish you all the best on your trip and since I know where you come from (talking about the clothes now) I also understand why you wouldn't want to buy any but think you can always take them to get resized 😉 buy what you really like 😊 I hope you have a great time with your mom. 
21 Jan 18 by member: Gabf7
I have a similar situation but my mother was never was maternal towards me. I will send you a private message because my opinion of this may not agree with others here on FS and its also a personal situation,,,t Gabby I feel your pain sweetie 100% tons of my motherly love goes towards you and it doesnt have to be a maternal to be a real and true love;) 
21 Jan 18 by member: maxie4
I have a grandmother who is exactly the same way. I was walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid at my brothers wedding when she blurts out: "Suck it in." referring to my protruding stomach. (I was actually really really thin back then) then I find out from my brothers wife's family that my grandmother had made all kinds of snide comments and remarks the entire time making everyone around her feel very uncomfortable. Then one day she made her usual, "Suck it in" comment and instead of feeling insecure I pushed my stomach out as far as I could and started waddling around like I was 6 months pregnant or something and she just started laughing. She hasn't told me to "Suck it in" since. (Nevermind the fact that I weigh so much right now I wouldn't be able to suck my gut in to save my life. At this time it is impossible, holding on to the hope it won't be impossible forever) 
21 Jan 18 by member: KayseaLove
So, do Mexican moms get it from their Spanish ancestors? I am sixty, and I still hear mama in my head telling me about how I had a pretty face, but... If you are keto adapted, then fasting will not be painful. Fasting is the quickest way of losing weight, but be sure to break the fast with highly nutritious foods. My favorite is the 18hr fast from an early supper one day to lunch on the next. On occasion, I go longer. When you go off the fast, be sure to be prepared with your standard keto fare. You have lost a lot already, so you know how to do that! Best wishes. 
21 Jan 18 by member: moogiemynes
From what I'm reading no one can compare their mom to Donna Reed. 
21 Jan 18 by member: murphthesurf
Hi, Thanks for your story. I'll start with a famous quote. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor Roosevelt. I totally understand your position that it was just easier not to see her. That is a self preservation mechanism. I do the same thing. I made a decision some time ago, not to be around people that don't make me feel good, no matter who it is. You probably shouldn't try to explain keto to your mom, unless she genuinely wants to know, it invites too much bla bla bla. Of course I say that after I tried. When my mother expressed some concern about everything I've done, from fasting, juicing and keto, my reply to her would be why weren't you this concerned for me when I was obese eating fried chicken. Now that I'm taking steps to be healthy you want to criticize, Well it's not helpful and I'd rather you didn't comment. When I quit my engineering firm ("a good job", that I hated) she was my first phone call and said, are you sure you want to quit your nice job? I replied, I already did and your doubt isn't helpful. She never commented again, and I went on to be very successful in my new career. It's not that she is mean, but most people are programmed to be negative. So my point is simply this, you must reject negativity and not allow it in. Life is a wimp and if you stand up to it, it will go somewhere else. BTW after telling my dad about keto for 4 years, he finally listened to me after he was diagnosed with type 2 at 83. He reversed his type 2, came off his blood pressure meds and lost 25lbs. His doctors were stunned (a bit useless too imho). They don't doubt me anymore. Let your results do the talking and don't allow negativity in. You owe it to your mom to tell her how you feel. I think most of us want honest relationships, but it is harder. Tell her you were afraid to see her for the last several years because of her criticisms. You're a grown adult and so is she. But I know how moms can be. Rock on Girl! 
21 Jan 18 by member: davidbrochu
I second the motion on the fasting. After much research I did a water fast for 27 days, after 2 days, it wasn't hard at all, (really). Everyone's reaction is "I could never do that" What they are really saying is they just aren't motivated enough. So I agree with a previous comment that it can give you a wicked boost to your weight loss if you're looking for one. There are many types as the previous comment said. A 24 hour fast is very helpful, but you'll get a bigger kick out of a 2 or 3 day fast. Though you're doing quite well as it is. Piece of advice number 1 in the fasting world is don't tell anyone, it invites too much discussion. GL 
21 Jan 18 by member: davidbrochu
Thank you very much for everything you have written, I loved your stories and advice. I'm going to try the IF to see how it goes, a couple of times I've done some 16 hours IF but I'll try to do 24 hours once a week and if I see that I can do it easily then I'll extend them to 48 hours. I'll tell you how I'm doing. And I probably will not mention anything particular to her from my woe, you are right that the results will speak for themselves, if she ask me a lot I will tell her little by little what I am eating but without going into so much detail. I really appreciate that you wrote to me, I feel more positive than before. Thank you thank you thank you. 😍😍😍 
21 Jan 18 by member: bevigaby
Bevigaby, Moms can be hazardous! I dropped some weight and a lady at my church gave me clothes she had inn back of her closet (they were wrapped in cleaner bags.-they are practically new - she wore for 1 year). I wore one of the dresses last Sunday to church very proudly - My mom chewed me out cause it showed a little cleavage. After listening to the lecture and reminding her of my age - did not help. So I went an put on another dress along with 4 more. Did NOT get her approval. HAHA. I wore one of them today! Right in front of her I was given compliment after compliment. Made me cry, and feel so loved that they really noticed my achievement in losing some weight. Even the men at church stopped to ask questions. One even said HE needs your help - pointing to a man standing to my right. (He agreed by a text msg!) She apologized later while gritting her teeth. GOOD LUCK! drink more water. sensible diet  
21 Jan 18 by member: lauramatthews
we are here for you and a lot of us know how you feel. please lift your head high and be the beautiful woman you are! you can do this and we will together! "hugs". ALL of you are amazing beautiful people .. don't let others control your emotions. don't give them permission to make you feel bad. you are all smart accomplished , BEAUTIFUL people. remember that and let's kick fat's butt!!  
21 Jan 18 by member: cherik1

     
 

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